486.

I seem to have a lot of things I wanna post, when I'm all alone and doing some self-reflection. But now, when I'm sitting behind a desk and a computer, I can't find a topic to start on my innermost thoughts.

Well, for one, I find that love is a very powerful thing to have.
The love you show for others, and the love that you get from others, is irreplaceable, and is a magical experience.
Love can change all, and can create new histories.
You would never know when you'd be hit by love.
And I'm not just talking about love between two people of different genders; I'm talking about the love amongst a family, and between friends. There were so many heartfelt times when I felt so touched because of the deep and pure love I felt from a close friend, and when my family did some acts that made my eyes dry.
However, there are always two sides to every story, and it has its ups and downs.

Tear - to cry, or to feel hurt and pain inside? The word has both meanings.
It's a reminder that the people you love most, and who mean the most to you, can make you, or break you.
It's a sound reminder that no matter how sunny it's been, a storm will always brew, and hit us one day.
It's fatal, especially in our most vulnerable moments.
When you try so hard, you suffer a harsher defeat when your loved ones bring you down, and call you names.
This is the irreversible hurt that you will feel.
And it's how I feel right now.
Because I'm still finding it hard to believe that my family members can succeed in hurting my feelings and hurting me three times in a day.
And I'm crying and tearing up inside.
But I can't stop it. I just have to let it flow and release it all out.

I know that my true destination is with God, and in Heaven, and it's no point getting upset and too torn up about trivial matters that do matter to me, because this is just something I have to go through before I go to God.

Confirmation in 3 months and 13 days' time.
Excited, anticipating and worried all at the same time.
Can't wait to be confirmed, but at the same time, worried for all the others in my class who isn't sharing those warm fuzzy feelings about confirmation with me, and for myself, whether I can live to serve God and His community and spread His word.
But I know God will empower me, and He will live in me, because he is my Father, and I am His child.

Hopefully I'll get through this month and the rest of the year peacefully.