487 - Disappointment.

Being a secondary 3 student, I guess I've experienced the worst 'down's of my life, and today has been the day which really blew me off my course.
I've worked really really hard for my End-of-Years.
And I sacrificed so much just to fight for that one little improvement that will really make my day.
And I really thought that my hard work will bear fruit and yield the results that I deserve.
But today, receiving back my Social Studies, EMath, Geography, Chinese and AMath paper was such a bomb.
I failed my Geog and AMath.. Those were the 2 subjects that I least thought of failing.
In addition, my Chinese was the subject that I was really worried about because my results were fluctuating and I never know what's up with my Chinese paper.
All the teachers are so disappointed in me.. So much pressure that I have to face and so many expectations, regardless of of self or of others, that I have to live up to.
I can't believe that I messed up the 45% of my grades. I can't believe that I failed.
I really cannot accept the truth that despite my setting of the goal to pass all of my 8 subjects, I didn't manage to, even though I worked tirelessly towards it.
I've put in so much, but nothing came out as a result of it.
Instead, I get what I least want.
The tension is so great now..
And I really dread school. I really find that everything is meaningless. Trying my best to cheer myself up and to encourage myself. But I'm still reeling from the disappointment.. I can't seem to stand back up on my feet again.

Plus, I'm having so many relationship problems caused by so many misunderstandings..
People are ignoring me in school.

"I saw you today in school, during lessons. Twice, in fact. Everytime our eyes locked their gazes on each other. You stared at me, and I stared back. But why won't you say hi? Why won't you give me a smile and assure me that our friendship still exists? I don't know how you feel about it, but I am still trying to convince myself that we we have shared and what we share isn't a dream because you seem too good to be true.
All I know is that you were there for me and you were my pillar of support in my weakest times. You were beyond what I ever imagined, and you really made me feel cherished. Why doesn't it seem to be that way anymore?"

Myriad of feelings, unexpressable yet so clear and direct.
I'm left speechless.