Shuying!

488.

2011-11-29T21:40:00.004+08:00

Long time no see, my dear blog.
Well, it's been a very long one month. A month full of events, and full of happenings.
Too many things have been happening around me that have hurt me both emotionally and physically.
While I'm caught up trying to understand what exactly it is that is going on around me, I'm also trying my best to stand up on my own two feet again. It's hard, but at the same time, I also discover who my true friends are.
That's a plus, I guess.
Those are the friends who stood by me in my worst times and made me feel much better about myself.
When the whole world - yes even my family members - thought the worst of me, and hurt me with their words, it was these people who helped to pull me back up to the world, and to reality, before I got sucked into the endless black hole.
For that, I am extremely grateful to God for sending these people to me, to ensure that I don't fall off the wrong way and end up hurting myself.
Also,
I HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED SINCE 26TH NOVEMBER 2011, 7.30PM! :)

The blessing of Confirmation has sent me into a spiral spin of countless joys and laughters.
The awakening of the Holy Spirit within me is SUCH a good feeling, so much so that it is indescribable. All I can say is that it's a sensational feeling, and it lingers within me. Especially with the smell of the chrism oil still on my forehead...
Also, I have to thank God for showering so many blessings on me.
I really felt the true meaning and spirit of friendship during Confirmation..
I've gotten so much closer with my church friends, especially my fellow Confirmands..
I'm just really glad that we're all finally Confirmed Catholics, ready to step in to church as adults to serve God and His church. ^^

Now, through all these emotional setbacks, heartache and trauma, I've learnt to be keep a thankful and grateful heart to God, who has done many things for us. Trust in Him, and don't worry too much about what life brings. Just do your best in everything. Especially when it comes to God. :)
I'm much better now. The past week has been absolutely torture, I've cried endless of times. But it's all worth it, cos at the end, everything works out.

487 - Disappointment.

2011-10-17T16:48:00.002+08:00

Being a secondary 3 student, I guess I've experienced the worst 'down's of my life, and today has been the day which really blew me off my course.
I've worked really really hard for my End-of-Years.
And I sacrificed so much just to fight for that one little improvement that will really make my day.
And I really thought that my hard work will bear fruit and yield the results that I deserve.
But today, receiving back my Social Studies, EMath, Geography, Chinese and AMath paper was such a bomb.
I failed my Geog and AMath.. Those were the 2 subjects that I least thought of failing.
In addition, my Chinese was the subject that I was really worried about because my results were fluctuating and I never know what's up with my Chinese paper.
All the teachers are so disappointed in me.. So much pressure that I have to face and so many expectations, regardless of of self or of others, that I have to live up to.
I can't believe that I messed up the 45% of my grades. I can't believe that I failed.
I really cannot accept the truth that despite my setting of the goal to pass all of my 8 subjects, I didn't manage to, even though I worked tirelessly towards it.
I've put in so much, but nothing came out as a result of it.
Instead, I get what I least want.
The tension is so great now..
And I really dread school. I really find that everything is meaningless. Trying my best to cheer myself up and to encourage myself. But I'm still reeling from the disappointment.. I can't seem to stand back up on my feet again.

Plus, I'm having so many relationship problems caused by so many misunderstandings..
People are ignoring me in school.

"I saw you today in school, during lessons. Twice, in fact. Everytime our eyes locked their gazes on each other. You stared at me, and I stared back. But why won't you say hi? Why won't you give me a smile and assure me that our friendship still exists? I don't know how you feel about it, but I am still trying to convince myself that we we have shared and what we share isn't a dream because you seem too good to be true.
All I know is that you were there for me and you were my pillar of support in my weakest times. You were beyond what I ever imagined, and you really made me feel cherished. Why doesn't it seem to be that way anymore?"

Myriad of feelings, unexpressable yet so clear and direct.
I'm left speechless.

486.

2011-08-13T21:21:00.002+08:00

I seem to have a lot of things I wanna post, when I'm all alone and doing some self-reflection. But now, when I'm sitting behind a desk and a computer, I can't find a topic to start on my innermost thoughts.

Well, for one, I find that love is a very powerful thing to have.
The love you show for others, and the love that you get from others, is irreplaceable, and is a magical experience.
Love can change all, and can create new histories.
You would never know when you'd be hit by love.
And I'm not just talking about love between two people of different genders; I'm talking about the love amongst a family, and between friends. There were so many heartfelt times when I felt so touched because of the deep and pure love I felt from a close friend, and when my family did some acts that made my eyes dry.
However, there are always two sides to every story, and it has its ups and downs.

Tear - to cry, or to feel hurt and pain inside? The word has both meanings.
It's a reminder that the people you love most, and who mean the most to you, can make you, or break you.
It's a sound reminder that no matter how sunny it's been, a storm will always brew, and hit us one day.
It's fatal, especially in our most vulnerable moments.
When you try so hard, you suffer a harsher defeat when your loved ones bring you down, and call you names.
This is the irreversible hurt that you will feel.
And it's how I feel right now.
Because I'm still finding it hard to believe that my family members can succeed in hurting my feelings and hurting me three times in a day.
And I'm crying and tearing up inside.
But I can't stop it. I just have to let it flow and release it all out.

I know that my true destination is with God, and in Heaven, and it's no point getting upset and too torn up about trivial matters that do matter to me, because this is just something I have to go through before I go to God.

Confirmation in 3 months and 13 days' time.
Excited, anticipating and worried all at the same time.
Can't wait to be confirmed, but at the same time, worried for all the others in my class who isn't sharing those warm fuzzy feelings about confirmation with me, and for myself, whether I can live to serve God and His community and spread His word.
But I know God will empower me, and He will live in me, because he is my Father, and I am His child.

Hopefully I'll get through this month and the rest of the year peacefully.

485. - Sweet, or sour?

2011-06-27T20:59:00.002+08:00

I've been doing a lot of reflections lately. Especially since after attending OBS, I've realized how important it is to be a good leader cos everyone looks up to you.
I've known that about being a leader since I was young. But it just didn't feel so strong in me till now. I guess I haven't exactly given it much thought. I just took it for granted and accepted that I was a good leader. But now, after going through OBS and really experiencing how it feels like to be involved so intimately with others, planning for our expeditions and all, I've come to realize how important it is for us to be good leaders.

It's also made me much more aware of my own flaws. I can see myself much clearly now, and there are so many times when I really feel so useless because of those flaws. Yes, I'm proud and all that and about being 'Born This Way', but when trials and tribulations come, it's really a test of how strong you are. Not just physically, but mentally and psychologically too. Those flaws are parts of myself that I would very much like to change.
By flaws, I mean character and personality flaws, and not physical features flaws.
Like take for example. I know very well, since day 1, that I am a very indecisive leader.
I often let stronger leaders take over, and tend to be swayed very easily when I meet such situations where a stronger leader is in charge, though I have my own opinion and stand in my heart. I'm just afraid to say it out loud.
Another flaw - I'm hesitant.
I don't really take initiative, though I really know when I should and when I shouldn't. Often more than not, I always wait before taking action. This is really a huge flaw about myself that I'd like to change. But it's a seriously huge barrier that's blocking my way, and I can't remove it.
It's just made me think if I have any common sense in me. I mean, if I know I should do something, then why aren't I doing it?
One of the many many many things that questions my own character, though I'm positive that I was brought up the right way, in the right character.

I also admit that I'm very judgmental. Though I always tweet and say that we all shouldn't judge, and that I hate it when people judge, and that I don't like to judge, yes, I do judge. Most of the time, I judge people based on first impressions or based on my interactions with them. Which may not be right, I know, because I won't know the person well. But it's human nature to naturally jump to conclusions and to judge people based on what they think and what their view of the world is. I just have a stronger sense of judgement than others. I meant that in a bad way.
I hate that about me too.
I hate how I always do things I say I hate, but I still do it anyways. It's like I can't control how I feel and how I act around people.
I'm always assuming things and being too pessimistic all the time.
I know I get arrogant and proud sometimes too. Trust me, I know it as well as others do. That's the reason why everyone doesn't like me right? I'm concerned of how others see me. But I don't really care how I see people. That's really bad.

Well, this is a really huge confession.
All these flaws are one of the reasons why I choose to keep to myself most of the time, and not tell and share with anyone else about myself unless I'm one hundred percent sure that they won't judge or try to change me cos of my flaws. That's why I always feel very uncomfortable with people who are too outspoken.
Because it's not me to suddenly burst in a thousand flames at the slightest, trivial incident or matter.
And I have too many flaws that I wanna hide from the world. I don't ever want others to know my weaknesses.
Now I'm wondering what brought all this on.

I guess I just wanted to be honest to myself, for one of the rarest times.
Because we all need a lot of reality in our lives, and I feel like I've been living over a shadow overhead for quite some time.
I need to be honest to myself and face up to my feelings. Be a man and admit my faults and failures.
I'm willing to embrace it all, and throw the past behind.

P.S.: First day of school was actually still okay. By that, I mean, it's not worse than last semester, which is a good thing. :)

484 - A Whole Post Dedicated To OBS.

2011-06-26T12:32:00.015+08:00

Ohayo and aloha.
It's such a good day, and I finally found the time to actually sit down and fire up my laptop to blog about one of the best times in my life - Outward Bound Singapore.
The experience has been much fulfilling and enriching, and has been such an eye-opener for me that I can't wait to pen it down and extract it from my memory to my blog to keep me from forgetting these 5 days.

I still remember, on Monday, 20th June 2011.
All 12 of us Outward Bounders who were going for OBS were so sian on Monday. When we reached OBRC (Outward Bound Reception Centre), all the schools were like talking among their school mates, we totally weren't mixing around and getting to know people. This made me dread OBS a little, and it was like what, 10am on Monday morning, and OBS hadn't even started yet.
I went to OBS not knowing what to expect. Even when we boarded the ferry to Pulau Ubin, I was still having my doubts and hesitations.
When we did our round of introductions, everyone still kept to themselves, and no one was actually coming out to talk to anyone. And it was seriously awkward lah, I tell you.
Especially since Willy, our instructor, kept going in and out of the MPH, going to the Ops Room and coming back all the while. He left us alone most of the time, and we didn't know each other except for the people in our own schools. So the whole day passed by like that. Untouched and cold.
We did store checking, and took out our tents and ponchos and mess tins and everything else we needed for our expedition. Folded it all, brought it down and placed it near the Medical Centre, then got ready our helmets our harness for our belaying lesson.

Belaying is an extremely hard thing to do ok! And your friend's safety is in your hands... it's quite scary. Just one of the things you need to practice to perfect it.
After belaying, we went to cook our dinner - rice with baked beans and sardines and braised peanuts - and pitch our tents at the campsite.

That was about it for day one.
It was horrendously boring.
Then, during the flag lowering, my nose bled cos apparently I didn't drink enough water in the day. :/
Which made me dread the next 4 days more.

Then, on Tuesday, we woke up early in the morning to unpitch our tents and to have breakfast - bread with peanut butter/orange jam.
Orange jam tastes absolutely revolting btw. Don't eat it unless you have no choice.
So yeah, Willy passed us our journals, and we had to record our days' experiences and feelings in it for all of the 5 days, as a memory of what we've been through.
Willy took out his big box of markers and pens, and all of us drew our breath.

He had this really big box of awesome markers and pens, and we were all really surprised and shocked that he did. :)

K so after we wrote our reflections, we were brought down to the beach to learn the basics of kayaking. It was my first time touching a pedal and sitting in a kayak. It was fun, and a really cool experience.
We did our capsize drills (everyone was seriously dreading it), and we managed to stay intact after the drill.
After my turn, I went back to shore, after doing the see-saw for my kayak, and sat down near the shore. That's when it happened.

I GOT STINGED BY A FREAKING JELLYFISH! WTH, SERIOUSLY. SO SUAY TTM.
It seriously hurts manz. The stupid jellyfish's sting effectively pulled me out of the trying out of kayaking long distances. I didn't have my hand at channel-crossing, and I totally didn't understand what on earth it was when we were kayaking later.
Screw the jellyfish up down left right and center!
And to make things even better, I was the only suay person who got stinged by a freaking jellyfish. Thanks man. I mean fish. :/
After sitting on the shore for like an hour while everyone was out kayaking, with medicine sprayed on my hand, the bite healed a little and Willy gave the green light for me to go with everyone for the expedition - Thank God.
I really wouldn't want to sit out of the expedition.

At about 3 plus to 4, all of us launched out. I kayaked with Shereen. :)
We paddled like crazy from Pulau Ubin all the way to Pasir Ris Park. It was a heck of a crazy time, I can assure you. My arms were seriously 'sour' until cannot make it.
And I was starving. Like ravenously kind of starving.
We reached Pasir Ris Park late though, at about 6.30. By the time we cooked our dinner and washed up (I was in no mood to shower. If you looked at the condition of the toilet plus the long queue of girls waiting for their turn, you wouldn't either), it was already about 8.30. The instructors asked us to appoint our sea ex leaders for the next day, and asked us to clear up all our stuffs, pitch our tents and get prepared and everything, After the leaders were briefed, and we were briefed, it was already about 10. The instructors took a quick check at our campsite and started scolding us about the mess and litters and forced everyone to pick up every dirt and clean up all the mess.
This went on for about half an hour. And all of us were like cursing the instructors at that time, cos all of us were so damn freaking tired already, and we still were forced to stay out to pick rubbish. Seriously?!!!
But yeah. We had to do it anyways.
We ended up sleeping at a time near 11.30. And all of us still woke up in the night to do sentry duty. Boy, it was damn exhausting. I've never slept so well in any camps apart from this time.
The moment I hit my pillow, I fell asleep like a pig. It was really tiring, and you can't bother to exert energy to think about anything else anymore.

The next day, we woke up at like 5am to unpitch our tents and pack everything into our kayaks. Insanity yeah, but no choice, again.
This was day 3, and all of us were already dying to go home. It was a very long week.
We launched at 6.30, with morning blessings from everyone (instructors wished for storm for us, that was kinda idiotic), and managed to kayak all the way to our destination, Kekek Island, reaching at 12nn instead of the designated 3.30pm. That's insanity. Really showed how hard and fast we paddled. Like crazy manz.
The channel-crossing was absolutely horrible. That was excluding the crazy tidal waves and huge bum-boats and cargo ships so near us.
On the bright side, I saw the Police Coast Guard boat patrolling the seas. Awesome. :D
It was really an experience to be "near the sea but not get wet." Quoted from Yingqi.
Dead tired already when we reached Kekek. And smelly and dirty. But we got to do a quarry jump. Which was awesome. :)
We all jumped into the quarry and had a mini-shower and wash up. So awesome. I loved it.
Cooked our dinner, and went to our tents at 7pm. Yeah, we were that early. But we went back early also because it was starting to drizzle.
We hid from the rain in our tents, and stayed in there for the rest of the night. We didn't go out anymore. Apart from those doing sentry duty, that is. All of us bonded as a mobile, playing racist bombs and singing Forget You and The Lazy Song and all that. So much memories. Really good fun! ^^
Somemore we got scolded by the instructors for making too much noise and disturbing Camp 1 Charlie HAHA #fail but whatever. :P
We all gradually fell asleep. I slept at about 8? Cos I was seriously dead tired on my feet.
Our watch woke up at 3am to pack our kayaks and another mini bonding session. Ate our breakfast, and ran back to our tents when it started to rain. We were really afraid cos this rain seemed like a harder one, and there were lightning streaks in the sky. Instructors told us to stay in our tents till they told us it was ok for us to come out.
We all fell asleep again until about 6am, and I went over to John and Nickson's tent to talk to them. We were like all complaining about OBS because our tents were all flooded and dirty and horrible. We were talking about getting our OBS shirts asap and telling our juniors that it was "fun" so that they could go and get tortured.

Launched at about 9am, and all of us were seriously motivated to kayak on day 4. Especially my watch, after drinking the "love" (in chinese!) milo that Willy made us. It was damn awesome. It really gave me the strength for the day to paddle back all the way to base camp. When we reached, we all cheered like some mad chickens.
We were all happy like crap!
We all got muscles from kayaking liaoz. ^^
Then we unpacked our kayaks, washed our space-skirts, paddles and kayaks and brought our stuff back to the store. Really draining and tiring, again.
We still couldn't take a shower okay. We had to change into our long pants to do our height elements as the last part of our expedition. Wow torture I tell you. I partnered Yimian and climbed the log thingy. Didn't manage to get to the top though, cos there wasn't enough time. But I still felt proud of myself for going that far. I didn't even think I could get past the ladder. :)

After cooking our last dinner in OBS - seafood tanmen maggie mee plus baked beans and curry chicken (yum!), we headed off to take our showers. Oh yes babyyyy! Finally, a shower. I felt so much better I tell you. I went without shower for 2 straight days okay. Don't judge me. >:(
We did more reflections in our journals, and Willy shared more about himself with us, about his family and all. We talked about ghost stories, stories and all kinds of shit we could think of. :)
We still camwhored. Teehee.

Went to sleep at 12mn, after talking to Ruiqi and Athirah for about half an hour. Teehee. Bonded so much more with my Commonwealth mates too in OBS. :)

Day 5 - Sad to leave. Honestly. See how much I dreaded it on the first day. Time flew by like wind, it was already the last day. Willy did a closing for us, and told us to get a rock and write down a bad habit of ours on it. We then shouted it to the oceans and seas and threw it in. Throwing our bad habit away.
I wrote 'indecisive'. I accept that, and I embrace that. But I'm going to change that into something good. :)
I went last, throwing my rock into the seas. It was a really significant moment for me.
We went for lunch and I really threw my lunch down my throat cos I wanted to rush down to the Outward Bounders Store to get my shirt teehee. ^^
Here's lunch. I sat beside Pictionary hehe.

Then we listened to some talk about the PAssion card, and they told us that we were gonna get our own special PAssion cards with the OBS logo, all free of charge. HOW AWESOME IS THAT MANZ. :D -dances-
But after that, it was time to go home. :(

Our watch all said goodbye to each other.

From left, first row: Shereen, Tessa, me, Yimian.
From left, second row: Salina, Nikki, Ellysa, Gilda.
From left, third row: Khairil, Junjie, Daniel, Athirah, Alvin, Ruiqi, Jingwei, Nuruddin.

Washington is awesome. I love you guys. :)
We have so many inside jokes and lovely times together as a watch. I'll never forget all those times.
I miss calling Jingwei Dictionary, Alvin Pictionary, Nuruddin Nanyang Girl and Khairil Cat. Sighz.
I miss OBS.
I miss Camp 1 Bravo.
I miss Willy.
I miss everyone. :'(

Here are the photos of the Commonwealth Outward Bounders.

Goodbye OBS. I love you, and I'll never forget the times spent.

483.

2011-05-08T20:17:00.005+08:00

Got tagged on facebook to do this, but I'm too lazy and I don't want random ppl on facebook to know about my private life. How ironic though. :B
K here goes nothing.

-

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. last beverage = Plain water @ dinner.
2. last phone call = To Mom.
3. last text message = To Rui Lin.
4. last song you listened to = Broken Arrow by Pixie Lott. Have been obsessed with that song A LOT since I watched Beastly's trailer. And I've been playing it on repeat for like 15 minutes.
5. last time you cried = About 2 weeks ago.

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. dated someone twice = Nope.
7. been cheated on = Nope.
8. kissed someone & regretted it = Nope.
9. lost someone special = Yeah.
10. been depressed= Of course. Beyond anyone's imagination.
11. been drunk and threw up = Not of legal age to even drink yet, lol.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Black
13. Purple/Pink
14. White

LAST YEAR (2010), HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend = Sure.
16. Fallen out of love = Nope, I don't date yeah. :)
17. Laughed until you cried = There's always never a dull moment with my friends.
18. Met someone who changed you = Yeap.
19. Found out who your true friends were = Yeah. Loads of 'em.
20. Found out someone was talking about you= Yeah. In my face.
21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list = Nah.

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = About three-quarters of 'em.
24. Do you have any pets = Can't keep any. :/
25. Do you want to change your name = Nah. I'd want my confirmation name to come earlier soon, though. :)
26. What did you do for your last birthday = Survived through 10 hours of lessons plus CCA, and had dinner with my family.
27. What time did you wake up today = 7 AM.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = Laughing at how fail Mediacorp was and at how lag it was.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = Time. (Tick, tock!) Or maybe my answer should be Miss Lin...
30. Last time you saw your Mother = About 20 minutes ago? Haha.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = My academic grades, for the better please. :B
32. What are you listening to right now = Don't Stop Believn' by the Glee Cast. :D
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? = Errrh.. nah. I've talked to John before though. :D
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = MYE results.
35. Most visited webpage= Google Apps. :/
37. Nickname = Non that I wanna mention. :/
38. Relationship Status = Single and unavailable.
39. Zodiac sign = Rat. (I was born in '96!)
40. He or She = S.H.E.R.O. Lol. :)
41. Elementary = Covent of the Holy Infant Jesus (Our Lady Queen of Peace) -- MAN this is the first type I'm typing out C-H-I-J in full and the whole name sounds so damn bloody chim nowwwww!
42. High School = Commonwealth, Secondaryyyyyy SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOL! (Sings line from school song. :/)
43. College = Hopefully, I'll get into ________________.
44. Hair color = Like all Asians, my hair's black. But under the sun, it looks brown.
45. Long or short = Can tie lah.
46. Height =165cm. :)
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = Hmm. I have no idea.
48. What do you like about yourself? = My eloquence, I guess.
49. Piercings = Yeap.
50. Tattoos = Nah.
51. Righty or lefty= RRRRRRIGHT-Y.

FIRST:

52. First surgery= When my mom gave birth to me.
53. First piercing age = Hmm. 8?
54. First best friend = Rou Jing. :D
55. First sport you joined = Table-tennis. (FTW FTWWWW!) - Tags bestie here. (@burgerlovesmettm!)
56. First vacation = Some place in Malaysia...
58. First pair of trainers = Er.. no idea lol.

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating = Nothing's in my mouth.
60. Drinking = Please look at the answer for question 59 thanks.
61. I'm about to = Finish hearing Born This Way by the Glee Cast as I reply Rui Lin. :)
62. Listening = I was born this way, hey, I was born this way, hey, I'm on the right track, I was born this way hey!
63. Waiting for = The song to finish.

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids? = Uh-huh yeap.
65. Get Married? = Yeap. I want someone who loves and cherishes me. :)
66. Career? = You guess? ;)

WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes = "The eyes are the windows to the soul."
68. Hugs or kisses= The sense of a warm embrace would do just fine.
69. Shorter or taller = Taller. ^^
70. Older or Younger = Older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous = Spontaneous...
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = Naaaaichhhhh aaaarmmmmssssh.
73. Sensitive or loud = I'd rather sensitivity. Or more widely known as common sense.
74. Hook-up or relationship = Relationships last longer yeah.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = Hesitant. :)

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger = Nah.
77. Drank hard liquor = Please refer to answer in question 11.
78. Lost glasses/contacts = Nah. I'm not myopic and I don't wear glasses/contacts.
80. Broke someone's heart = Uh, I guess so.
81. Had your own heart broken = Sure. Loads. In another way though.
82. Been arrested = Not intending to.
83. Turned someone down = In what way?
85. Fallen for a friend = Nope. :D

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself = Yeaaaap.
87. Miracles = Yes. God is there for us always.
88. Love at first sight = To me, "love at first sight" would just be a crush. :)
89. Heaven = Of course. :)
90. Santa Claus = Nah. He's just some fiction character.
91. The first date= Yeap. First dates make impressions.
92. Angels = Yeap. :)

-
-
-

K I'm done.
-pressees the big 'x' button-

Oh yah I know MYE is over (hell yeah).
But I'm pissed now cos I can't load Beastly to rewatch it again. GAH.

482.

2011-05-06T22:12:00.000+08:00

Last paper.
MYE is over.
Time to partayyyyyyy.

Till we receive our results.

Life gives us shit. And we are toilet bowls.

481 - Limitations.

2011-04-22T22:41:00.003+08:00

I guess I just don't know my limits, huh?
Maybe I'm just a hard case. A case that asks for bumps and knocks.
Wondering how life is able to come up with more crap, when they're already so many edges that can push me off.
I know I have to be strong, but sometimes expectations are just too much.

I know that I'm a nobody. I'm someone who doesn't have any authority, and someone that doesn't have any say in anything.
Whenever people say that I'm valued, I seriously doubt that because I don't sense it.
I don't feel that desire to push forward. And I hate how I have that feeling settled in me. Because I don't want my life to pass away in a hazy memory.
I'm trying hard. I'm doing all that I can to save everything I love. But y'know, sometimes, though you put in much effort, things just don't seem to work no matter what. That just brings you to more frustration and pressure.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm too immature to realize what's happening around me.
But believe me, I'm trying.
I may appear cheerful during such times. But deep inside, when I'm really sad, it's cos no one bothers.
Life may seem fulfilling. But it's really empty.
So don't judge people by their cover.
Like how it may be a really good book, but you pass it over because it looks like shit.
So, having said that, who am I to judge anyone?
I can't even say out all the wrong things about myself. Besides, I'm not even sure who I am.
Wow I'm spilling so much of my inner heartache on this blog.

Sad story over.
OBS in June... looking forward to it. Max.
Because I'm really hoping that OBS can help me to grow.
Because I seriously need to stop crying over things.

Peace out.

480.

2011-04-04T20:13:00.002+08:00

I'm back to my super dead blog.

Life has been really frantic so far.
When life seems like it can't throw you anymore lemons, that's what it continues to do - whack you hard on the head with even more sour lemons.

I really don't think I want to anticipate the rest of the year anymore.
All those Common Tests that screw up all my grades, and all those unnecessary projects that just kill my time - they're just something that hinder me from reaching my goals.
Maybe I should look on the waaaaaaay brighter side of things.
But as I'm thinking hard of some positive sides to this year, the only thing that comes to my mind is 3M. I've never felt this way in a class before.
We're all so united in our thinking, and we all care for each other.
The guys in my class are actually responsible people, and the girls in my class are just so bonded together.
The guys and the girls in my class do actually mix around with each other, and you can obviously see that the guys are a gentler batch than the 1/2 and 2/2 guys in lower sec (note: this is excluding TJH).
The more time I spend with them, the more I'm convinced that this is the class I belong to.
All of us are unique and irreplaceable. Especially in our class.
Though we may start out rough, but we'll all pull through the trials together as a class.
That's what makes me feel so at home. It's that feeling that puts me on high.
And I love 3M. Honestly.
From the bottom bottom deeeeeeep deeeeeep bottom of my heart. :)
All those craps we've been through together so far in these 3 months, and all those happy times we've shared.
We got the Merit award for class decoration, as well as cross country team award for girls.
It just proves that 3M is a class with potential, and that all of us are good in our own way, which makes 3M one of the most awesomest classes yet.
I don't know if it's just me who feels this kind of bond and attachment to my class.
I think the rest of my classmates feel this way too.
We're all just so proud and contented to be in 3M with everyone else.
And I think I'm coping well into my non-academic life at Sec 3.
Just not my academic life.

Investiture 2011 is finally over. 12th SC is official, in full swing.
So many worries about how we're going to get through everything in this year, bond with the juniors and new councillors, and just get everything revved up and going.
I'm really worried. About everything.
But I know that there are also many other people like me. And I know that as a batch, as friends, as classmates, we'll all get through this year and pull through next year.

And I know that God will give me the strength!

P.S.: Music Min ftw!

479. - The Littlelest Things.

2011-02-27T21:21:00.003+08:00

What shocks me the most: that time and time again, the people whom I least expect to care actually reaches out and touches me emotionally.
Instead, it's those people whom I care the most about, and whom I expected the most from, to let me down, always.
Just trying to forget about those times when I've felt hurt is enough to make the wound even deeper, yeah.
I feel like I'm getting closer to my other Council mates, like the past year has been just a really blur image, and this upcoming year 2011 is the true point to which we actually bond with each other.
I know I've said this a lot of times, but right now, Council is truly the only thing in school that I've really had a very strong and stand firm about.
Council Exco 2011 Selections.. I rejected it.
Kinda keep thinking about this decision that I'd made about it, and thinking and thinking...
Like while I regret it in the future, cos I've never tried?
But another little part of me knows that I'll totally screw up my studies further if I heed that other part of me's advice, and go for Exco positions. I think I'd screw up everything else in my life, which I don't want. No.
Things are really just fast-paced and hyped up, but nothing is going smoothly. It's like a really long and bumpy road, and you're traveling real fast without any breaks and controls.
That's exactly how I feel.
I gain energy fast, but I lose it quickly too.
I'm losing my passion for things and all, and I get really really drained at the end of the day.
I just hope that whatever I do now will turn out to be fruitful.
Oh yeah - Common Test results.
Mine sucks.
I failed A Math and Geog. Of all subjects, Geog.
Uh=huh, like I said, I'm already screwing up my life entirely.
Nearly cried in class when I found out I failed Geog.
I couldn't take the pressure and tension anymore, and it's only what, Term 1 Week 8? Yeah, I know, I suck. Thanks Mr Toh Jian Hui. :/

Leaving with a photo here.

P.S.: The above photo: my brother and me. Seeing him so happy-go-lucky makes me feel peaceful and relaxed - at least for awhile. He takes care of me, a lot. I know. ;)

P.P.S.: Has it ever occured to any of you, how I'd feel and how I'd think?
No, is the answer.

478.

2011-02-20T23:30:00.002+08:00

Hallo world.
The keypad now feels really unfamiliar to me because to be honest, I haven't sat down in front of a computer and tried to type for ages. Yes, even for official school work.
I can't even believe how busy and engrossed I am in my academic life that beyond that academic life, I practically don't have a life.
Everything is just happening in a whirlwind, and I'm trying my best not to get too caught up with rubbish and nonsense to even care if my blog is being updated, or whether I have a new Facebook status, which very obviously I don't really care two hoots about right now.
If you were to plot my social life on a graph right now, it would be just a steep slope going down, or in chemistry terms, a "cooling graph", which would basically mean that it's going downhill. Right.
Look at me. Too influenced by my Sciences to even switch that part of me off, even when I'm typing a post.

3M has been really great so far, but nothing compared to my memories of 2/2, though we're developing just fine as a class. Lots of funny things happen in class, which can take away some of the stress, but at the end of the day, we're staring at a whole bunch and pile and stack of homework that has to be completed within the next two days, or we're facing irresponsible teachers who don't bother to keep the stack of newly and nicely-printed notes in good condition to give out to their students, or we're facing irresponsible behaviour from the school management by thrusting us into this hell of a system.
Everyone has been complaining. But who is really listening, I wonder.
It can't be helped that we all have our own stress(es), it's in all forms.
CCA-wise, naturally. We'd all have to step up one day to assume positions that we'd always expected to be beyond our capabilities.
For me, Council would definitely be a new challenge. I'd have to slog my guts out to be "a better student".
I'd have to manage my time even better. I'd have to juggle 5 balls on my hands. As if I didn't have enough on my plate already, I have to cope with all the shits that have been happening in my non-academic life, and take them in my stride as though I'm OK with them, though clearly I'm not.
Which leads me to wonder, do I really deserve all this? Do I really want my life to be like this? How can I make my life better, or is it my problem? Should I change my attitude towards things?
But all this doesn't really lead to a suitable solution, I guess.
In the end, I'd still be stuck here, complaining, droning and whining to myself when I can't do anything. My hands are tied.

At the same time, I'm trying to be "a better friend" as well. I feel like I've been improving on that aspect, as compared to previous times when certain incidents have happened. I'm better able to take control of my emotions, and direct them to better outlets of anger.
I've taken comfort in the fact that no matter what happens, it's all going to be alright, and I still have my own little self to talk to and to encourage, no matter how mad that sounds. But in the meantime, I'm just gonna have to hang in there, and hang on tight, and not give up, because I've worked so hard for this moment, and it's impossible to let go at this juncture.

Common Test week has just past, and I feel like I'm going back to my "eleventh-hour-hug-Buddha-leg" symptom, which is bad. Sec3 life has my life hanging on a thread, and I'm finding it hard to find my balance again. But that's life for you. They always say, "when life gives you lemons..." And blah.

Hope everyone had a nice CNY 2011. Well, I kind of did. Though I spent the last few waking moments of my CNY 2011 studying for Chemistry.
Wishing everyone good luck in getting back our CT results.
Cross our fingers yeah.
The hereby dead brain cells are signing off.

P.S.: The reason why this blog post appears to be "chim" with weird English applied is because I'm reading The Cupid Effect by Dorothy Koomson. It's really affecting my English, in a good positive way, now.

477.

2011-02-05T22:45:00.004+08:00

Haven't updated my blog in AGES.
Well, obviously, the first thing to do is to...

WISH CHIA RUI LIN A HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!

Hey girl. Happy belated birthday... "Please know that I love you more than anything in this world." Teehee! Memories ftw!

The second thing of course, is to just pretend like I don't exist and let the post carry on without any words.
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LOL NAH JK.

Well, Sec 3 life sure sucks. I mean, it has to with all the shitty teachers and homework coming at you altogether.
What's more, Common Test week is coming up. That makes the whole situation even worse, right?
Oh no. There's more. I'm falling sick.
OH GREAT.
It's the Chinese New Year now too. That doesn't help, does it.
Oh, speaking of CNY. My angpow money is seriously decreasing... and I'm putting on weight. :(
Sigh, life just gets really depressing and pressurizing.
Maybe I really have no life.

Been really busy lately, with Investiture stuffs. Somehow or rather, idk how, I'm telling everyone what to do.
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that. 0_0
The teachers have got me thinking about whether or not I should run for an exco position. Everything around me is like going around in a rush, and in a blur. I have no idea what my plans are and what I'm going to do.. just feeling really lost, in short.
But well, my brain's all crammed up thinking about all these things in my life that I can't afford to think of slacking anymore. However, here I am, slacking my holidays away. After this long break, it's gonna be so frantic that I don't think I can even breathe anymore.
Sigh.
I'm really going to be praying real hard for God to give me guidance and strength.
What's more, this year is Confirmation year. Religious life is expected to go through an uphill.

There's going to be light at the end of the tunnel. Just bear with it.
You can do it.

P.S.: Valentine's Day is coming up. Support Council and buy chocolates! Dedicate songs and take photos with your Valentines! :D

476.

2011-01-21T20:54:00.005+08:00

Hello everyone! Back from camp @ Kota Tinggi.
It was, overall, still okay.
The fact that I slept on a bed for the two nights overrode the fact that the food sucks and that I have one terrible instructor attached to my class.
First day, travelled to Kota Tinggi, went to do water rafting. Our "raft" was fail, lol. Dinner, washed up, supper, reflections, went to sleep.
Second day, got up at 6 to wash up and set out for our expedition to Pelepah Waterfall. Oh manz. It was like a burning 25 - 30 degrees. We soaked in the water and climbed up the waterfall. Damn fun though. (I threw away those water activities shoes after that haha.) All tired after that, and we still had to walk back to the resort. -dies-
On our walk back, talked to Hong Yi, our class' instructor, and also talked crap with class. Dion went back in a car cos of her shoes! -looks jealous-
We also saw a pink bra randomly lying around in the middle of the road. HAHAS.
Last day, just got up to pack and prepare, to go HOME. Oh yeahz! Gave Hong Yi the thank you card we made him.
I loved the ride home. ♥
Anyways, tried to take as many photos as I could before they collected our belongings, going to post them here.

474.

2011-01-17T20:06:00.003+08:00

I guess now is the time when I feel the most useless.
I'm really a lousy leader.
Maybe I'm not fit to be one.

473.

2011-01-06T19:03:00.002+08:00

I am in 3M.
How weird. My class is named after the sticky-notes brand.
Yeah I know, I've said this to like a million people already.
New classmates and everything. So many people I haven't seen before appearing in my class.
At first, I was kinda hesitant about my sec 3 life, and a little scared and worried as well, because of the class listing.
I felt really indignant on the first day of school when I found out what class I was in.
But today was my official first day with 3M in school, and I felt that the class was alright.
In fact, I had nice classmates who kept my things properly and kept me informed on things that were going on in the class when I was away for the first 2 days.
Especially the girl sitting next to me. :)
So yeah, I felt really warm, welcomed and comforted, since I wasn't in class the last 2 days.
Sad. My clique has everyone all split up. We're all in 3HAMP. Sighz.
Regret and disappointment. But it's okay, we still meet up for recess and go home together after school, cos it's so awkward going with our new classmates and all, and we don't make any new friends in our classes. So yeah, one thing I'm glad for is the fact that DDRT is still going strong and well. :)
I love you, DDRT! :D
Teehee.
Another bad thing is that lessons from Mondays to Thursday will now end at 2.20pm, and Fridays at 1.20pm.
School will no longer start an hour later for us on Mondays anymore. :(
Good thing is, there's a period called Study Hall. I suppose it's to give us time to study..?
Yeah, got give us time to catch up on our work. I think that's a good thing.
And they asked the boys to sit in front during assembly. That's a good and bad thing. Good cos the DMs can monitor the boys closely now, and bad cos the boys don't know how to sit down fast and ASAP! Zzz.
Councillors have such a tough job trying to settle the people down. And I'm dying screaming even for today!
Sigh.
Just got my student handbook today, still have a lot of printing errors lol.
Looked through the schedule of events inside it, saw S3 NRIC Registration and jumped for joy haha.
My mom said that she'd bring me to register for my NRIC on my birthday, so that when I get my IC, the date will be my birthday. :D Yay so cool.
Okay that's all for the updates from me. Will try to post more often as possible cos S3 life is hell, cos tchers keep reminding us that it's O Level preparation year, and O Levels are this year and next year. :/
Meanwhile, tweet me @Shuyingggz to contact me or to check out what I'm doing yeah. :)

I hope 3M will be fun. :)

P.S.: My mom actually forgot that I was 15 this year, and she called me '13 years old'. Seriously?! That was like, what, 2 years ago!!!!
ZZZZZZZZZ.

3 Mighty 2011. :D

472.

2011-01-02T22:04:00.006+08:00

Merry Christmas. Emmanuel, God is with us. :)

Happy new year, 01.01.2011. :)

Everything is coming to an end since 2010 is ending.
That means I have to learn to put down my past regrets and achievements, and focus on the here and now.
Because 2011 marks the start of a new year, a new beginning, and a fresh life.
True, I do have a lot of complaints about things. But I figured that there's no use pursuing and harping those.
Time and tide waits for no man. Absolutely. So, moving forward!

I am officially done with all my homework. Have been worrying and fretting about the math assignment cos of the corrections.
They're really tough. And did I mention that my math sucks?
But thanks to the Lee family yesterday (hehe! ^^), I was able to get most of the corrections out, and understand a lot of concepts.
I really felt blessed to have a best friend who was able to stick by me and help me when I encountered difficulties. Especially in ways that I've never thought of and expected.
Also, today, RL helped me to complete the remaining 3 questions for the assignment. So I was able to successfully finish it.
Speaking of which, I'll have a dedication to all my good friends out there later on in this post, as well as my resolutions for the upcoming year. ^^

Some updates.
Went to Bugis and Orchard on Friday, the last day of 2010, with CRL! It was fun, and we all had a good time yeah. :)
Was still doing math assignment corrections during the last few moments of 2010 and during the first few moments of 2011.
Church on Saturday, first day of 2011. Celebrated the Epiphany of the Lord.
It made me realize how real the Lord was to me. Made me a little scared too, cos I realized that 2011 is so near, and I'm already Sec 3. That means Confirmation year. And it is kind of scary to go through that process.
But I'm ready for it. :)
Today, went down to Antoinette's house to celebrate her 15th birthday.
Gosh. Writing 15 feels unnatural and makes me feel super old. :/
Photos:

It was really enjoyable, and I had a lot of fun. :)
Happy birthday girl! :D
Wrote her this super long and naggy card going on and on about how mature I thought she was and how old she was already haha.
But sad, cos school is starting in about 1 plus day's time. :(
But it's ok. Even though there are so many bad things about it...

We have absolutely no idea what class we're going to be in. We have absolutely no idea who our classmates will be! THAT IS BAD. :(

We're gonna follow the 3CHAMPIONS class ordering. That sucks.

I have to report at 6.30 on the first day of school. -cannot wake up, rubs eyes, eyes refuse to open-

Gonna be missing first 2 days of interaction and bonding with my classmates. :(

I just hope that I'll be in the same class as people that I'm close to or know well. And that the nice guys will be in my class.
SAY GOODBYE TO IMMATURE BOYS. NOT.

Okay.. resolutions.

1. Listen to the Lord more. Learn to love Him more, and trust in Him more, and have more faith. Trust in His ways always, and believe strongly in Him, and all will be well.

2. Study hard, but play hard too. Don't get myself too stressed up and cause myself to freak out just before exams. Have proper preparation and study planning before exams. > This would eventually lead to my goal of getting an Edusave scholarship at the end of this year. I must get at least top 20 in level. :D (Jiayou. Jiayou. You can do it.)

3. Show more commitment and dedication in everything I do. Especially Council. I have to step up more, speak up more, and make myself be heard. Especially since we're going to be seniors next year.

4. Show persistence and perseverance in my deeds. Train hard for West Zone next year, try to get Top 4, and train well for Cross Country 2011. Top 10, here I come. > Goal for 2.4km next year is 14 minutes and 30 seconds, or try to be the fastest girl runner for my class.

5. Be more aware of the people around me and my surroundings, and be sensitive to them. Don't let my emotions get to my head and ruin relationships. Make sacrifices for the people I love.

Okay, now for my dedications. :)

LEESIKAI.
Okay lol sorry for writing your full name on my blog, plus I bolded it haha.
But well, I just really wanted to thank you for always being there by me, never failing to cheer me up when I felt discouraged, and for, well, just being a really best friend. :) I always feel guilty, cos you've always been by me, but I'm usually not there for you. I just hope that I can be a better friend to you. You're always the one I'd think of first to tell stuff to, and I'm really grateful for your listening ear. (And your telephone bills. I bet your bill always blow cos we talk very long on the phone. :P)
Lastly.. I LOVE BURGER TTM! Hehe. :B

CHIARUILIN.
Lol look, I'm sorry I bolded your name too. I know you don't like it hehe.
Thank you for being there for me all the time, though I know that I disappoint you a lot.
Thank you for being my soulmate, for always being so concerned about me.
Thank you for always being willing to wait for me, to listen to me rant on about how sad my life is. You've always been the one that I want to confide it, no matter what it is, cos I know that you're the one who can understand my plight, and can think from my point of view. Regardless of the occasion, I know that I can always count on you to be the one whom I can trust. We've shared many moments and thoughts together, and you know that I don't ever wanna lose you. :)

DIANAKOHPAOYUN.
Heeh yay I bolded your name. Rejoice. Haha. Jkjk!
We've both gone through a lot together last year. A lot of happy times, and a lot of sad times. I remembered we had a silent fight once. All I know is that I felt really awful about it, and about what happened, though it was no one's fault. You've made me realize that it's okay to slack once in awhile (teeheeee!). Listening to 987fm, Muttons and Shan and Rozz, while doing our homework as well as all that amount of laughter we had drinking bbt after school together floods my mind. You're a fun person to hang out with, however, you're also someone whom I can look for whenever I have some issues with some stuff. You always got my back. :D
Thank you for all those memories.

ATHIRAHBTEKAMARUZZAMAN.
The list to thank you for is long and impossible to list in this post cos it's so damn long. :B
In summary, you're my awesome friend. ♥
During Council, you've always been there for me. Whenever I felt like I can't do it anymore, you're the one who pulls me back up and tells me to keep going, though life sucks.
You always tell me to smile, and don't get depressed. You made me felt like someone actually cared about me, when I was almost convinced that no one did. I felt important when you were concerned about me. I really don't regret meeting you. Not at all. You've been an absolutely great friend to me, and you're a friend that I really treasure a lot, and I don't want to let you go. Ever. -evil grin-
Remember that I love you a lot too. :)

Yeah, that's all for dedications for now hehe. :)
I know it's a really really long post. I think I took like one hour to type all this and everything ahaha.
But I think long posts don't put people off. In fact, they're more interesting than short ones, cos there're always surprises at the end. :B

My life is awesome because of these people.
That's the long and short of it.
:D

P.S.: Best of luck and wishes to all of us who are going back to school on Tuesday!
Jiayou everyone, we can do it yay. ^^

Signed, written and typed with love,
Esther Faythe Chong Su Yin. :)

471.

2010-12-27T14:00:00.002+08:00

Happy 14th, Diana Koh Pao Yun. :)

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Gearing up for Secondary Three life.
Not.

With love, Faythe. :)

470.

2010-12-20T10:16:00.002+08:00

Holidays are ending. I am sad. :(
But let's all enjoy these last 2 weeks of freedom and relaxation before dying next year in Sec3.

Some things to anticipate to:

Diana's birthday is tomorrow! YAYYYY! (Lol I'm like so hyper though it's not my birthday haha.)

Tomorrow's birthday celebration for Diana! :DD

RL is coming back in 2 days' time!!! I miss her like shit. :(

Christmas Vigil Caroling in church! :)

Oh wells, that's kinda all. The list is short but it really makes me look forward to it heh.
Not exactly bored right now. I actually have to do my math homework corrections, considering that I have 27 questions to work out, I'm not exactly free. But I have to play my PS and level up first muahahahaha. ^^

P.S.: Everyone, please take care of yourselves! Everyone is falling sick lately, and I'm starting to come down with the flu and this coughing which seriously is affecting my voice for caroling which is bad. The weather is erratic so please take extra care of yourself!! :)

@Shuyingggz. :D

469.

2010-12-10T15:38:00.002+08:00

Quick updates.

I want to go and see Burger!! LSK LSK! :D

There's this super big blister on my big toe that burst during training today and it super hurts. Pain. Pain. Pain.

Yesterday meeting up with Diana and Trixie was really awesome and damn fun. We should do it -ahem- again soon. :)

I just realized that I haven't met up with KAKE since the holidays. Wah sad manz.

Christmas is coming! Advent is ending! Yay. ^^

gLee's Christmas album is awesome. The songs are great. Do hear it. Especially Last Christmas. I love it. Hee.

I have really weak stamina sigh. I need to go jogging.

Kind of dreading to go to CCA Bbq.

I miss 6 Peace 08.

Yeah that's all. Will post pictures next time, if I'm in a mood cos Blogger's picture upload is failing on me. Wtv.

Last christmas, I gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away.

468.

2010-12-08T20:32:00.003+08:00

My brother and me! :)
Sadly, he's in Thailand right now. Which makes me feel sad.
But on the upside, he's going to buy something back for me! :D
Yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay! :)
Hmm, I miss him.

It's damn weird though.
I slept for 4 hours straight this afternoon cos I felt super tired and lethargic.
But I had a nightmare that I had boy trouble with 2 guys that are my good friends.
It was quite scary. 0.0
Maybe I've been thinking too much about people. What is this.
Sigh.
Life goes on, and I'm rotting away.

467.

2010-12-03T15:51:00.004+08:00

Some Council Camp pictures. :)

P.S.: I LOVE COUNCIL. :)

466.

2010-12-01T20:19:00.002+08:00

I am officially back from council camp!
It was a whole lot of fun, and through the camp, I really managed to find out more about myself and also my fellow council mates.
It was through the camp that I realized that there's so much more to everyone, that we still need to dig deeper to find out about ourselves and each other.

When we assembled in the hall on that Monday morning, we were grouped based on our personalities before a bag check conducted by the teachers.
Surprisingly, after I did the personality test, I found out that I'm an introvert, an ISTJ, that means Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging. Quite cool though.
That kind of explained to me why I didn't really interact well and blend in well with people that I don't really feel close with, because all along, I think I kind of didn't expect myself to be an introvert.
I was grouped with Divya, Jes, Vincent and Sze Ming.
So yeah, after we placed our stuff to one side in the hall, we had lunch, and started our team-bonding games.
We played the Rope-Skipping game, where we were given one long piece of rope and everyone had to jump in the rope, after which it was allowed to have 2 people at the side to turn the rope.
We had to jump 30 times consecutively to be the winning team.
Rohini's group was the first group to complete the task, and they encouraged all of us to push on and gave us tips to do it better, so we ended up becoming the second group to finish the task.
I was really happy that we managed to accomplish it in the end, because it seemed like an impossible thing at first.
And I was the one in the group who jumped all the while and never turned the rope, so I was like panting heavily after the activity. But it was all right, and I eventually joined in to cheer on the other 2 groups.

After which, it was Dialogue in the Dark, which was damn fun, though at first it was rather scary.
We were split into different groups and led into this place where it was really pitch black and you couldn't see anything at all.
We were led by a tour guide who was visually impaired, and my group's guide was that singer Kelvin! The one who won that chinese singing competition... It was damn cool cos we didn't expect it at all!
And we all learnt how to braille alphabets, which was quite cool as well.
The Dialogue in the Dark was the most fun part of camp for me.

We went back to school to have dinner and to shower, followed by reflections.
Anyway, during the whole camp, we had a lot of reflections to think about the activities we did and how we could apply it to council.
It was really useful, and I feel that it's helped us improve.
We all shared with each other what we strengths and weaknesses we felt our personality trait allowed us to have, and I realized more about myself.
Like how I'm afraid to get hurt, and how I'm afraid to hurt others as well.
Lights out after that, and it was a really bad night's sleep because the hall floor was really hard, and I was feeling hot and cold at the same time.
I couldn't even get to sleep actually. I anticipated this would happen.

Day 2. Reine's eye was swollen cos she got bitten or something by an insect during the night and she had to go back.
Breakfast, played this really IQ logic game called Chair-Shuffle. It really showed the weaknesses that we had as a council, like the communication problems we had among each other, and I really felt frustrated by it.
We had a break, and had another team-bonding game.
We had to guess the numbers that 13 pictures represented together as a team.
It also allowed us to see problems that we didn't notice before, and one of the aims for this game was for the introverted people to speak up more.
We had lunch, and played a few running games with the seniors who came back, and went up to AVA2 to do reflection and sharing. (WE ENDED UP THERE FOR FOUR AND A HALF HOURS. WOW, BRAIN DEAD ALREADY.)
Yeah so, we discussed a lot of stuff, and there's gonna be a new structure for council next year. I'm really looking forward to it, cos I can tell that it would really help improve things in council and solve a lot of issues that we have.
We also had a surprise.. :)
We showered and had our dinner, (and we played truth or dare!) followed by a movie screening of The Mighty Ducks.
It was really cool, and we really learnt a lot of things from it.
It was followed by more reflection, then supper before lights out.
A bad night too..
I sprained my neck the next day.
Though I could sleep more easily that night.
Woke up at 6.15 to wash up and prepare for the climb on Day 3.

Manz, I felt really drained cos I didn't really sleep well.
Plus, Mr Koh made us all drink from the brim till the 500ml mark on our bottle before breakfast. I started to detest the taste of water seriously.
I drink from like 1000ml to 500ml!!!!! That's so much in one go okay!
-vomits-
After breakfast, boarded the bus to go to Bukit Timah Hill for the hike. My second or third time hiking there already, and I was kind of mentally prepared for what was coming - SHOE IS GOING TO GET DIRTY! :(
It all turned out okay though. I actually found it to be quite fun, going through all the dangerous stuff.
Went back to school for lunch and had our last meal together and last food cheers together.
Reflection and group sharing - besides reflecting on the hike, we all had to take turns to tell each other our strengths.
It was a really heart-warming session and we all appreciated it, I guess.

That marked the end of camp. I was sad that it ended, yet happy that it started and a little glad that I wouldn't have bad nights again.

Some interesting things during camp:

I found my brother in camp! :) He's the most awesome-est brother. :D

The most amusing thing ever - I got poked in the eye by a plant, wth.

Introverts plan a lot. Well, that's me. I like to plan and plan, but people just misunderstand it for being too naggy. :/

Many people in council think that I'm caring, which is cool.

One council, one voice. Council doesn't judge anyone. We all love each other.

465.

2010-11-22T22:07:00.007+08:00

Went Partyworld to k with Hui En, Yuan Shan and DDR on Monday, then went to IMM Ichiban to eat dinner with Yuan Shan and RuiLin.
Had CCA yesterday... it was still okay. Nothing much to comment on, just that I'm planning to save at least 50 bucks to buy a good racket from coach, on top of the fact that I have to save 25 bucks to buy the 2 dvds that I want.
I need to learn how to control my finances properly though.
Actually, it was kind of a bad day for me yesterday, because of certain reasons and factors and all that resulted in me feeling pissed.
But I was told that today will be better, so. I'm hoping that it will be.
Going to watch HP7 again. :)

I'm slacking too much nowadays.

P.S.: I posted this post on 24th November, 8.35 AM. But Blogger recorded it as Monday night, cos I originally typed the post then, but I saved it as draft and for the past 2 days, came back to think about what to post apart from pictures lol, but fail. :/

464.

2010-11-19T19:29:00.004+08:00

Decided to upload a few pictures here, because pictures speak a thousand words, and I'm too lazy to blog, so.

463.

2010-11-17T22:10:00.000+08:00

Holidays.
Busy.
Feeling a whole myriad of emotions right now, and I don't know which emotion to give into right now.
There's a lot of joy, but at the same time, there's also a lot of mixed sadness.
Hmm.
What can I say?
All I know is that, others will be satisfied to see that I get down easily by my setbacks. What I can do about it is to ignore them and stand up again on my feet.
Well, what I'd like to say is that there are also sides of me that I keep to myself, that I don't tell anyone else.
Because I know that if I tell everything to people, it would make me vulnerable.
There are times when I just wanna lock myself up and cry it out loud. But when I do, I can't seem to cry, because deep down inside I know that it isn't worth it.
So here's me doing something about bad situations. And that's becoming stronger after standing up again. Because I know that I'll become a much better person.
Just reflecting on what's happened so far in my life, and not talking about any specific incident in particular.

P.S.: I can't wait for Sunday, for the caroling practice. I'm having so much fun being involved in church activities. And here's some popcorn I made in my class. :)

462.

2010-11-10T10:59:00.003+08:00

Going to have an update on yesterday's (FAILED) barbecue!
And guess what - I didn't even take any pictures yesterday.
And it's kind of a really really long story.

So after training, I rushed down to Jurong Safra and was expecting the barbecue to not be as fail as last time, and for the food to be good. But upon reaching the pit, realization dawned on me that it wasn't going to turn out as good as I expected (in terms of food). It was a whole lot of fun though!
Reached there, saw Jianhui busy working at starting the fire, while Yuanshan informed me that the other guys went to game LAN. Kinda expected that they will pang seh each other lah. But Jianhui stayed in front of the pit and was sweating a lot. He needs to lose the fats anyway. LOL. Okay, I feel mean. >:(
Sat down there, talked to the girls, and stoned for a while, probably half an hour? Hehe. Then, walked around Safra with clique.. and saw some people playing 3v3 basketball at that basketball court.
After which, we, THE GIRLS, started to cook the food. Because Jianhui eventually also pang seh us go and play basketball, and everyone was hungry. So we started to cook the sausages and the seaweed chicken. (WHICH JIANHUI SNATCHED AWAY!)
Unfair.. So after we cooked the food, we offered it to the girls to eat first, and they all said that it was good! ^^
And we ate a lot of other things too. All was going good till disaster struck...
The first cockroach appeared and freaked all of us out.
Then we saw a second cockroach. And they were like appearing together, and we were like, wth!
Did I mention that the cockroaches were near our barbecue pit?! It was sooooo scary, because they were like attacking our food.
So, Jianhui, the only guy over there at the time, was scared by the girls to go and kill the cockroaches.
BUT OH, HE WAS SCREAMING AND SAYING THAT HE WAS SCARED, AND EVENTUALLY PUSHED XIUQI TO GO AND KILL THE COCKROACHES.
What is this? LOL.
But, Xiuqi killed the cockroaches, hooray! But I didn't really feel like eating anymore, not after the cockroach episode lol.
So I fled the pit with Diana, and we ended up playing basketball with the guys and Xiuqi and Mingsiew ahaha.
It was so much fun manz! Though I don't know how to play basketball and I suck at it and I got hit by Zhiye three times and the ball bounced on my head which hurt a lot.
But it was damn fun, and I managed to score a basket. :)
Yayyyy.
Had so much fun playing basketball that I didn't even realize that I had played for like an hour and a half. > <
In the end, went back to the cockroach place, and found that the guys were catching all the cockroaches, and trapping them in cups. LOL. (DERRICK?!?!?!?! "IS THAT DERRICK?!?!?!?!")
Hahahas. Ohwells. Ended up leaving at about 9.40. Deciding whether or not to run home from Safra.
And yes, I decided that I wanted to have a little night run. And I didn't really feel exhausted after a drink and rest after the basketball.
Reached home before 10! And I came to the conclusion that it was a good decision made by me. :)
Shiok, running at night. Hahas, first time staying out till so late alone. Parents didn't comment or anything, which made it even better.
Went home, had a good shower, and my Haagen-Daz ice-cream! So yesterday was a really enjoyable day for me.
Yesterday was also like injury day, but fun.
During CCA also. Zhengfei whacked me hard on my arm, because juniors couldn't hit hard enough for her standing at the back..
And I also got hit by the basketball and Zhiye a lot of times.

But yesterday's CCA was like damn fun because of the juniors. (Kindof!)
The sec twos and sec ones were like competing against each other's voices counting for the cool down and for the cubicles in the toilet to change, don't know why, random. Lol. It was so sudden!
But it was very very very fun. :)
I want CCA to be like that every time manz! Life would be so much more enjoyable.. ^^

But actually now, I feel pissed at Twitter.
Because my tweet count is now currently standing at 50, when I have about 8900 tweets, reaching 9000 soon! Wth manz.
I already reported the issue to Twitter.. and they'd better fix my problem. Zzz.

P.S.: I felt hurt at something yesterday though, but over all yesterday was an okay, fun and enjoyable day. :)

461.

2010-10-29T09:45:00.009+08:00

I felt very inspired by Hui En to post this, cos she posted about the things that made me happy yesterday. :)
It was the last day of school yesterday, and emotions were running high.
It reminded me of how much I love twotwo twenty ten, and the harsh reality that we're not going to be together anymore.
It reminded me of how much I regret not cherishing and living in each moment that I've spent with the class.
It reminded me of how many treasured memories there were with twotwo twenty ten.
It reminded me of how my dear classmates helped me adapt to a co-ed school environment.
And I'm indeed very thankful and grateful for all that. At the same time, I know that I'll never find another class like twotwo twenty ten. :)
We all exchanged presents yesterday. Could tell, the girls put in a lot of effort in making the presents.
(KAT, YOU OWE ME! :D)
The guys didn't give us anything, as usual. But it didn't matter, because we all still love them the same. They made us laugh so much during stressful times, and they're kind of the pillar of support for us girls when we have to clear the mess that they make.
I was still chionging the guys' notes yesterday morning, haha. Twotwo twenty ten will always and forever remain in my heart though we have to part!

Commendation ceremony and Deepavali concert was boring max, but I still tried to give them due respect and pay as much attention as I could, but couldn't help yawning.
Was quite irritated with Zi Ling yesterday though. She doesn't understand that sometimes, pushing too hard can cause adverse effects. She doesn't realize that we're not suitable to be her friends, and that she should back off a little.
But wasn't going to be too hard on her either.

After school @ 12.30, went to IMM with DDR to eat Macs. And we chatted a lot, and laughed a lot, and I went a little crazy.
It really brought back nostalgia to all 3 of us, as we remembered that we sat at that exact same place and did (kinda) the same things as we did when we went there to eat last year after Science eoy.
It just really reminded me that there's a 50-50 chance that we're not going to spend this much time together as now. :(
But at the same time, I'm looking forward to next year as well. And there's always a possibility that we may end up in the same class as each other.
So, after sitting at Macs for like an hour, talking and laughing and eye language (^^!) and what not, we walked around, going to Popular and spending like another hour there, discovering a book about Olivia. :) Funny.
Then dejavu, saw Yuan Shan and Hui En. And then we found a common topic, and decided to go to the Garden Plaza to talk.
It was really really really fun, and I hadn't had this much fun in ages. I really really really enjoyed it! :)
"Time seemed to pass so slowly when we were walking around, but when we sat down to talk, BAM! Unknowingly, we'd already talked for 3 hours."
Hahas, it was uber fun! :) Again, it just reminded me of how much I love the girls in class, and my classmates.

Memoir of class twotwo twenty ten...
01. Amirah I.> The always responsible English rep who always speaks her mind. @Amirah_SOTONG
02. Ming Siew A.> The one who brings lots of smiles and joy to us, the one who's always the link between us and Wangfen. @aMINGSIEWzxx
03. Carissa L.Y.S> The one who's always willing to step up for the class. @CARieeee
04. Zi Ling C.> The one who captivates others with her willingness to learn.
05. Rui Lin C.> The one who works in her own quiet ways to help the class.
06. Hui En C.> The one who's always enthusiastic and hyper, cheering others up all the time. @HuiEnn
08. Diana K.P.Y> Known for being cute! @dianaa_snsd
09. Gina L.K.H> The one who's thoughts are of others before her own.
10. Chun Yu L.> The one who's head is always buried in a good book, and who's kind enough to loan others her precious books!
11. Xiu Qi L.> The one with the Pooh bear file! :D The one who's good in running! @SuperBravoo
12. Yuan Shan N.> A sweet girl with a big heart. 'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!' @shannzx
13. Nurfarha B. B. N. M> The one who always makes me go 'LOL', who sees me for who I really am, and who always cheers me up. @Ssuperawesome
14. Olivia S.M.H> Obsessed with Justin Bieber! @Oliviaaaah
15. Drashti P.M> The girl who always helps me in math and science stuff that's too chim for me!
16. Katherine S.C.M> Big smiles and loves a lot. Paranoid, but lovely. @ubberKAT
17. Shi Jia T.> The quiet one who works quietly in her own mysterious ways.
18. Trixie A.C.S.P> She never fails to make me laugh out loud. The inquisitive one!
19. Ummi S.>Well known for her hot mess of hair and cool personality.
20. Jing Qiau W.> The ever contributing selflessly chairman, the responsible one, and the understanding one.
21. Xin Yi W.> The trendy, fashionable and kind k-pop girl. A good memory: NERD SPECS! :D @xinyisays
22. Cheryl W. J.Y> Cool and aloof, but sweet and caring.
23. Zainab B.M.O> A sweet girl with a lot of heart. (A heart of gold!)
24. Jia Boon C.> Often known for nerdiness and retardedness, who never fails to make us laugh due to his ridiculous-ity.
25. Daniel T.K.W> -
26. Derrick W.Z.L> "Cute". Blur. But that's what makes us laugh, all the time.
27. Hector L.W.J> The guy whose drawing touches Ruth Ng's heart and inspires us.
28. Jia Shen H.> I think he has a weird laughter.
29. Tze Yuan H.> Botak head! Surprising how good his vocab is. Apple guy. :)
30. Lavan> The guy in black. (DO NOT SAY THAT IM A RACIST.)
31. Lucas N.J.W> LU KA CENG! Ahahaha.
32. Ashiq M.B.A.A> Annoying, but the joy of the class. (He talks to much. -nods head-)
33. Karthik M.> The guy who's willing to pay his way through a project. (Yes, I remember the science board game project. Tsk.)
34. Gim Bin N.> Geisha, who has problems walking properly. But a sincere person to be with.
35. Zhen Wei N.> "CLASS STANDDDDDDDD!"
36. Apurva P.> Fun-loving person. Another good classmate! ;)
37. Kok Yi T.> He has dimples! :B
38. Zhi Qiang T.> What an annoying brat. -.- But he often eases the tension in the class. (I didn't forget that he was the one who made me break down and cry in class. Thanks a lot, man.)
39. Jian Hui T.> A sicko and a pervert who is arrogant and proud, who thinks that he's handsome (hell no he's not). But he can be nice when he wants to, and it's what makes him special.
40. Yuan Xing X.> "Sorry lah, Boss!" The guy who can spit out vulgarities continuously, strung with proper sentences.
41. Zhi Ye X.> The guy who cheered me up when I was down, who amuses all of us with his funny noises.

Now, for some peekchures.

For the rest of the pictures I took of the last few days of school, it's available on facebook. :)

P.S.: I miss Amirah, Athirah and Aida, and also all those who went for the Cambodia Service Learning trip!
I love you twotwo twenty ten. Don't ever forget that. :)

460.

2010-10-14T16:01:00.002+08:00

Last written paper today.
Felt a sense of relief, cos EOYs are finally over.
The important major exam that we've all been fretting over.
It's all over..
So is the school year.
Very soon, everything and everyone will be gone, and what's left of all of us will be a hazy memory.
And it's too late to start cherishing each other.
It's impossible to turn back time and all.
Anyway, given the chance, I probably wouldn't want to live this year again.
It's been so hectic. So frustrating. So pressurized.
That's how life is, isn't it?
We all can't help it.
It's no use forcing ourselves to be happy when we're really not, so why make ourselves feel worse by forcing a smile?
Well, this year, I've learnt a lot, appreciated a lot, been grateful for a lot, and cherished a lot.
It's considered a rather rewarding year, though not in the aspect that I expected. And I probably have to deal with another disappointment at the end of the year.
There are so many things that I wanna do, yet am scared of what I'll face during the process.
I don't know why I can't cope with all the pressure.
I'm freaking myself out, I know that.
And that's bad. But amazingly I ain't doing anything to cope with it.
I hate it when I buckle under pressure. To what others expect of me.
Possibilities that I've passed and want to take now looking back... It's all quite impossible now, isn't it?
Sigh.

459.

2010-10-01T23:53:00.002+08:00

Time for another update.
Yeap. Eoys are coming.
And I'm super freaking stressed out.
I know.. I don't usually show it out loud in school. I mean, I still jump about and do random things. I don't go around with a glum and sour face, unless I'm pms-ing or I'm in a bad mood to not talk.
I have no idea why lah. Stress is probably getting to me too much. Can't really control it you know.
I feel like I have an unending list of things to do, but limited time to do anything.
Sometimes the frustration is so much that I wanna bang my head against the wall just to relieve one second of this turmoil and toil.
Plus, today, I've experienced something really wrong that's going on in my family.
Everything's just screwed and going haywire.
And I witnessed it, but I didn't tell anyone, or didn't do anything.
And now, everything is all in my chest, and I can't say it. Because it's embarrassing, and it hurts to talk about. I mean, after all, it didn't happen particularly to me, and myself. But someone I love is hurt. And it hurts me too.
Everyone might see this person as me on the exterior. But no one ever knows what I'm going through.
I just realize that people just take me for granted and don't care about my contributions.
Often think that I'm nothing, when more often than not, they don't realize that they rely on me more than they ever think they did.
I hate how competitive she's getting.
How did she become like that?
And I discover that I can't take her bossiness anymore.
It's pressurizing me so much. I mean, I'm not your dog. I'm not your servant, and neither am I your maid. How can you order - no, instruct - me to do something?! Okay, fine, I'd most probably do what you asked if I agreed with you that it's the best solution.
Right now, the problem is you, and how you think you're right all the time when you're not.
You're asking EVERYONE to do double work when we only need to hand in one piece of work! Have you ever thought about how much time it takes for everyone of us to come up with one piece of mindmap?! It takes up so much time, and eoys are in less than a week.
I know. You just want it to seem like you've done your part and all. And you end up pushing the work to others to do. That's what you always do, isn't it? Can you stop being so selfish?! Can you stop telling others what to do?! Stop controlling us!
We are your friends, for crying out loud! At least show us some respect! What are friends for to you if you treat US like this?!
Urgh fine. I'm ranting nonsensically.
But it's been hiding under me for so long.
I think that I need new friends. I need to break away from all this crap.
I have to look forward to next year. Streaming. Different classes.
No more enduring of ridiculousity.
I want to rewind, back to those days.
When we were young. When we just wanna have fun.

458.

2010-09-10T14:46:00.002+08:00

I honestly think that people deserve so much better than what they're getting right now.
Including me. I really think that I deserve much more than all this shit we call life that's coming at me now.
Everything seems to be going into a downward slope, and the worst part is that I can hardly call for any help, while needing to put on a poker face and pretending and acting like everything is okay.
Which is not the case.
The little things in life that matter to me don't matter to anyone else, and I'm really sorry for all this negativity, but I really need to express myself in this form.
Sometimes I really feel very tired of all this rubbish, and how people treat me. Not just people who are close to me, but even strangers.
I mean, let's say, just for an example, the waiter or waitress at a restaurant that I go to. What, we pay for a service charge yet don't have a right to expect politeness from these people, which we in turn receive hostility and rudeness from people that we don't even know or care about?
Okay I seriously have no idea what brought this all on. But I just feel very exasperated, tired and frustrated of life. Just like every other teenager who doesn't put on a fake smile and mask and pretend to hide away all the pains we face everyday.
I know that when I graduate and grow up, and look back at my primary/secondary school life, I'll see this as some small kid's tantrum that is so random. But right here right now, I know that this is how I'm feeling. And that it's best to face your feelings as they are. No point trying to hide the fact that you're hurt. But there's no point expressing it to anyone either.
I hate how they always say, "Move on."
Why do we have to move on if we can't let go? If we're happy with where we are now?
Doesn't mean that we can't be contented living in our own sufferings right.
But when there comes a time when I'm really sick of being all this, I may just choose to run away from it.
Even though there are many down parts to life, there are also good parts of it, too.
Like, in my life, there are so many things I can be thankful and grateful for that have happened to me, though I've had my fair share of unpleasantness.
Council. One of the most important things in my life that I know for sure no one can take away from me.
I know it sounds weird how a bunch of enthusiastic-people-organization and a whole load of responsibilities can play such a big part in my life, but it's true.
If I hadn't joined Council, I probably wouldn't have taken a step closer to how I was in the past. This enthusiastic.
During the past year, I really felt quite lost and out of place.
I know all this is probably my paranoia, but I know it's my fault.
Now that I'm better adapted, and used to this kind of life, I realized that I like it a bit more, and it isn't so bad anymore.
But now? Life gets so much harder. Being a sec two student really sucks more than being a sec one student, obviously.
And I hate to think how sec three life would get so much torturous.
Gosh.
I need to stop thinking about all the bad possibilities. Already I can't handle the context of being a sec two.
Ranting all the way ain't going to help anyone's situation, yes I know.

I don't want to be the person that everyone wants me to be.
I want to be me. The person I expect myself to be.

457.

2010-08-31T19:03:00.006+08:00

Today was the commemoration of Teachers' Day, 2010!
In the morning, we celebrated it CSS style, though it was kinda weird.
Started off with ACES Day, which pissed me and a lot of other people off, cos the instructor was dancing like she didn't know what the word 'dance' meant. It was super annoying!
After that, we moved on to the Teachers Appreciation session, which was quite a load of crap by the name. We were (apparently) supposed to plan something for Mdm Yong or/and some other teachers, but obviously that didn't quite happen lah! So we were like, "Improvise, like now!"
And...
We ended up playing musical chairs, and what not. Then played Splat, Bang! which is kinda like a crowd favourite, considering that at every Council Outing, we always play that, and we made the boys (mainly Jianhui, Lucas, Yuanxing and Gimbin) do the catwalk and dance along to the PCD's songs. :)
That was kinda fun, but Zhiqiang seriously pissed me off. He's always being so freaking annoying that I can't take it anymore. He's turning more and more into Ashiq, just that he isn't THAT bad.
So anyways, it was concert time, and we were all super busy busy. The councillors anyway. I was practically starving arranging chairs like mad at the side of the hall and preparing to usher the teachers in, when the rest of the level were just having recess. Hungryyyyy~
Starved till like 2, and I had breakfast at 5.45! How sad is life. 0.0
K, so after the concert ended at like 12.25, which was followed by self-dismissal by Commonwealthians, which was totally lol, rushed down to Bukit Batok mrt station to find that Antoinette was still waiting for a train.
But Zhengfei gave me a cookie, which cheered me up on that prospect of waiting a little. ^^
Then we walked to the bus stop to take bus, and we saw JUSTINA AND CULLEN!
Zomggg, I can't believe the coincidence. Then we saw FATIN!
It was totally like a mini 6peacians reunion!
Cos today STC ended later, so not many of the joy-love class IJ girls came back.
And I managed to see all my beloved teachers! :)
Happy happy, cos I managed to catch my chinese teacher before she left school. Evidently in a rush.
Took picture with her and all the other teachers for remembrance! Wooooooootsz.
After our visit, hung out with KAKE @ West Mall, ate Udders and took Neos. Skipped the planned trip to Cullen's house, sadly.
Nvm lah, still got next time. :)
We risked ourselves and went into arcade with like our school tees and took off our skirts out of desperation to enter the arcade. Okay, not desperate lah. Lol.
So anw, the Neos turned out super awesome, and it was the first time Antoinette ever took a neoprint. Hehehe.
For all picures taken today, please go to facebook!
Though I'll post some nice ones here now. :)

P.S.: REVATHI VALLUVAR TODAY WAS SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER EPIC (FAIL)!
"I'M NOT VULGARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~~~~!" -puts palm to face, act innocent-
And IJ OLQP has a yoghurt + milk vending machine. :(
Gahhhhh. Why my batch don't have this kind of thing de. :(
Today was :D though.

456.

2010-08-25T20:56:00.006+08:00

Today is the last day of my duties, the last day that I'll ever be going to the Youth Olympic Games Village, and where I'll gain new experiences and friendships, on top of getting to know more people and more cultures, and last but not least, exchanging badges and pins! I know I'll miss this so...
Had a blast being the WCV Host for 2 and a quarter days. I've really enjoyed myself, and this has been an entirely new experience for me, getting up close with the athletes, getting to know the athletes on a more personal basis, and actually finding out for myself how nice and how humble they are.
I think that I've gained more exposure during these past few days, and have learnt a lot. I opened up a lot, and I'm kind of being really enthusiastic about this whole thing now more than when I started. It's really cool, getting to know so many people from so many other countries, and also other volunteers from other schools, apart from getting to know your own schoolmates better.
I feel super lucky, privileged and honoured to be one of the twelve people who have been chosen for this. I know that I'm part of something special, something that plays a big part in Singapore's history. And I'm really excited and grateful that I've been in this. :)
So here, I'm going to be posting a few of the photos that I took over the course of these 2 days, and also some other photos that Jamilah took.

xoxo

455.

2010-08-23T20:42:00.002+08:00

Updateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Extremely busy week.
Nearly didn't have time to finish my Science CT revision, but all turned out fine, though my morning was spent going to the YOG Village and tour-guiding the Sino-Sin Programme people.
The tour-guiding just affirms my impression that majority of the Chinese people are mean, rude and have no manners.
(Chinese people that I know aren't like that are people like Zhengfei and Zhiye.)
Not saying that I'm very good or courteous or what, but it is common knowledge to at least reply the person who is talking to you and not ignore, look away and walk on right?! Hello?!
But yeah. Skipped Science in the morning. Which is good and bad. Cos I dread Science. Really. Ms Nor's lessons are always getting longer to me, and Science now seems like an unreachable subject to me.
And the YOG Village now seems soooooo different from when I first saw it during the training. The booth is really small though. Went there to set up the things before going back to school.
Nervous cos tomorrow it's my duty turn. And I'm worried that I'll like spout rubbish and talk crap to the athletes and make a fool out of myself. 0.0
I don't want that to happen manz! I'm afraid that I'll freak out, seriously. Gahhhhhh.
-crosses fingers-
On the up side, I watched Step Up 3 yesterday, and I think that IT'S SO FREAKING AWESOME!
I wanna watch it again, in 3D. The effects will be SO MUCH COOLER LAH!
Kkz, nothing else to blog about my big boring life.
So see ya. ;)

454.

2010-08-14T21:05:00.001+08:00

I was just wondering,

How much more can a girl like me take? Once, twice, or thrice more?

That's all.
Bye.

453.

2010-08-09T21:24:00.007+08:00

This post will have some photos, as promised, from previous shoots. :)
And Happy National Day.
Today has been awesome. Probably the most awesome National Day in my life ever, one that I didn't spend at home watching NDP. Council <3
After Council Outing, went for Miss Wong's final farewell BBQ. They took damn long to get the fire started, like 1 hour or something. Zzz. -.-
Now, the rest still over there, I came back earlier. :)
Okay... photos.

P.S.: I'm SUPER sunburnt right now and my whole face is SUPER itchy. But for Council, anything. :)

452.

2010-08-05T18:19:00.004+08:00

Miss Wong's farewell mini-party today was a huge success! Surprised her the moment she came into class by throwing balloons at her and popping the party-poppers first thing in the morning. -huge huge huge grin!-
She came into class, and we were like, "Surprise!!!!"
And she was really happy, I could tell. :)
And so, the boys were crowding around her and all, and I was like waiting for my turn, for the photo shooting to begin! :D
So a lot of people went up, and I was a bit paiseh about going in front first, so I waited and waited, and took a lot of side shots of people taking pics with Miss Wong.
Then most of the girls in class (including Diana and me, somehow in the front) sang Baby by Justin Bieber for Miss Wong. LOL. And she laughed so hard, idk why. Joy, probably.
So we started the photo shooting session, which was A.W.E.S.O.M.E!
Took loads of shots with Miss Wong and with clique <3
Will post the nice ones here!
Loads of people danced NYAA and sang kpop for Miss Wong... ALL OUR MEMORIES!
Seriously, we don't cherish our teachers and what we've got until their gone...
We were still complaining about how bias she was and stuff until now when she told us that she's leaving.
And I really regret not cherishing her more, now that she's going away from all of us; leaving Sg.
And yeapz, loads of memories with Miss Wong... the boys were really enthusiastic about everything, and didn't seem to be the boys that we knew: those loud, large and stupid idiots who blundered boisterously around...
(Btw, they were so damn sweet today for some reason! They helped the girls take their chairs to the hall! How sweet is that luh!)
This made me feel like I'll really miss 2/2 '10 a lot next year, and I know that there will never be another class that's like this again.
Even though they drive me crazy, like REALLY CRAZY sometimes, I still love them! Loads of memories and fun together...
And we slacked through the whole 2 periods, only managing to peer mark our surprise English test in the end.
4/8 also came to our class to distract us and made Miss Wong cry (out of sadness/joy) again. For a NT class, they are really sweet. :) I really admire the spirit that they have and feelings for Miss Wong manz!
So in the end, Miss Wong gave us her contact info. Well, at least her email lah. Better than nothing right? :)
After school, clique also went to sit the cable car. :)
Even though there were some people/things that made me pissed today, I'm still glad to say that today has been awesome and ton-fuls of fun. No homework over the long weekend somemore. :D
I guess we'll really really really miss Miss Wong after she's gone eh. :(
Okay, will post some of the nicer pics I took today now. For the rest, please go to Facebook to find. Thank you ah!

Okay something wrong right now, can't publish all the photos. Next post kk. :)

xoxo

451.

2010-08-04T21:39:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DYLAN AND COLE SPROUSE!

YOU GUYS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT GUYS IN MY LIFE!

(Well, the more important ones...!)

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT TIME HAS FLOWN BY SO DAMN FAST.

EIGHTEEN ALREADY!

TWO YEARS OF MATURING INTO FINE YOUNG ADULTS.

ANW I LOVE YOU GUYS LOADS!

AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I ACTUALLY GOT PAST TODAY NOT REMEMBERING THAT IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! I CAN NEVER LIVE WITH MYSELF ANYMORE. :(

BUT ANW, 4TH AUGUST IS A DATE THAT I'LL NEVER EVER FORGET FROM TODAY ONWARDS.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPROUSES!

I LOVE YOU! :D

450.

2010-08-01T15:54:00.002+08:00

Had the impulsion to post today, so yeah. :)
So far, the weekend's been kinda relaxed and all-is-well, since parents are outta the way.
Just that I have problems settling my meals.
And today I woke up 45 minutes later than planned, so had to chiong chiong chiong to church in order to avoid mw from reprimanding me for being late. Totally didn't shower, and that sucked. :(
Totally wasted yesterday re-watching Suite Life on Deck eps and didn't really do much for Math except finish writing Math notes and reading it a little.
I'm still unsure of it, especially graphs, since it's been a long time since I actually did anything regarding graphs, and I feel super sianz whenever I see a curve on my paper. -_-"
Have to actually do a few of the questions and read it a few more times and really understand and absorb the information to ace tomorrow's test.
And I got A1 for Geog CT. :)
Awesome stuff. Didn't waste my effort studying my butt off that weekend.
So anw, today we started the class presentations, and the whole cohort combined together in St. Mary's room.
Sarah's group presented the first, and teacher Alex was really pissed with the rest of the boys sitting behind talking really loudly.
And he kept asking them to keep quiet and be silent, but of course they didn't listen lah.
Then he flared up really bad and threw those boys out to let Sarah's group continue presenting.
Frankly speaking I was kinda sleeping during the presentation cos of the lengthy information on the slides and all. (Zzz!)
But could tell that they'd put in effort in their project.
Kinda made me feel bad about my slackiness in my group. :P
So he threw all of them out, and one of them started screaming colourful languages in teacher Alex's face. And it didn't help that teacher Alex was an Indian.
And he started scolding racist remarks, and I was like "WHAT IS THIS LAH! You're at fault and you start scolding the teacher?! !@$%$%&%^*?!"
Okay, then there were a lot of heated arguments, and I was like, "This is too dramatic to be true, lol."
Okay thats kinda mean, but its true lorh!
So after that, all was rather well and they finished their presentation after like what, 45 minutes?!
Zzzzz.
And then the other 2 siblings of one guy that was thrown out went to confront teacher Alex after class...
One of them said, "Did my parents sign a form at the start of the year, saying that you could throw him out of the class and pull him by his collar?! Tell me, did they?! What right do you have to throw him out, and drag him out by the collar?!?!?!?!"
Then the other girl started crying, and we were all kinda stoning there to watch the "show".
But can tell how much love they had for each other lah. Quite touching.
But after all, it is kinda his fault for talking also, so can't really blame teacher right.
Okay, too much crapping now.
All in all, I hope that it will be a great week!
(Please please please let me get an A1 for math!! I desperately need that A1!!!!)
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Chiong for math....!!!
:D

xoxo

449.

2010-07-29T21:34:00.002+08:00

HELLO EVERYONE! :)
I feel quite inspired to blog today, so shall update now.
Lots of things going on and the same time now...
Really busy!
There's National Day and YOG, both of which I'm involved.
Then there's Teachers' Day Celebration, which I'm playing a major role in.
Then there's this Chinese Programme, which is rather important as well.
So little time to do so many things.
And tomorrow, my parents aren't going to be in Sg anymore.
My sister's flying to HK on Saturday.
I'll be home alone. This means freedom, but also loneliness and boredom!
Sigh.
Really have to start studying for Math CT, because after receiving my Sem 1 results, I think that I seriously need to reflect on what I've been doing for the past half year. It's like I've been sleeping, in a dream, and it's really time to wake up now.
And I desperately need to score A1s for every single test that I take, and I want to do well! :P
But so far, having a not-bad week. I have my moments though, and that makes it kinda bad.
But still... since everyone is posting about it...
I've lost 0.7kg and have grown 1cm taller!
Hehe.
I remain as the tallest girl in class. -waves extravagantly-
Oh yeah, there's also the Healthy Heart Carnival.
Ahhhh.
Okay, need to mug for CT now. May post some pictures in the next post k. ^^

xoxo

448.

2010-07-24T15:26:00.002+08:00

I honestly don't know what to post.
No motivations and inspirations or content to post anymore, honestly.
And also partly cos I know that not many people bother to read my blog anymore, hence the lack of updates etc.
Hmmm. I'm also busy k.
But ohwells.
Some random updates from my super busy life:

I'm not in science remedial!! ... yet.
I passed both science tests! Weeeeee~
Thank you for saving me, Chemical equations.
Woohoo.

Science common test next Monday, which is in approx. 2 days' time, and I've not finished writing my notes for it. Going crazy.

Derrick's handwriting sucks. I can't read his chinese compositions. Freak.

A1s for all my common tests so far. Dk why, chinese tcher keep reading out my compo to the class. 0.0

I'll be free next week! I get a day off... Saturday.
Parents going M'sia, sister going to HK. Will be alone at home ^^
FREEDOM.

Quality School Experience survey on Thursday. Some of the questions were like,
"Do you like your school?" "Do you tell your friends good things about your school?" "If given a chance, would you choose to come to this school again?"
AHEM.
-shrugs- Everybody has their own answer, keke.

I've decided that Music lessons are the best. It's the most non-stressful, non-expectant lesson that I enjoy the most, and look forward to the most.

Got last year's class photos back. Will try to post them up asap cos I think that they're really glam and pretty! ^^

Though Music lessons are the best, PEM sucked. I completely wanted to have a total breakdown on Thursday, and it's best that we don't talk about it.

CDSS Invitational Badminton Championships: 4th place, out of 8 teams and 4 schools... (equivalent to last.)
Sucks lah.
But we got a medal anyways. But still.
Gahh.

What a really messy week it has been. Don't want to talk about it anymore.
Ohwells.
Nothing to talk about anymore.
Byez.

P.S.: I love you.

xoxo
I want my freedom.
I want my slack days.

447.

2010-07-12T17:24:00.003+08:00

Today is the twelfth of July.
Which means that it's exactly three months after my birthday! :D
I'm really happy these few days, for absolutely no reason at all. People might start to think that I'm going insane, or as some people have kindly pointed out, I'm already crazy, so not much reason for going insane now. :)
Life is starting to get a little weirder, though.
I know it sounds unbelievable, but its true.
I always dread school during the weekends, and really just wish for the weekends to drag all the way, and I don't want to go school at all. Nope.
But I always end up going to school (like who has a choice...) and pulling myself up, to find that hey! School isn't all that bad! And I kinda look forward to going to school. Urgh. I can't believe that this is happening to me.
School life after 9 years, and this is how you feel and what you get.
So ohwells. Everything in life is going rather smoothly, apart from a few hiccups here and there which are unavoidable and inevitable. But even so, I've learnt how to look on the bright side of things, which cheers me up despite the bumps.
Looking back now, I've realized that I've really changed, compared to when I graduated from primary school.
I used to be so inflexible, strict and totally nerdy in primary school back then.
Now, well, I'm not so inflexible, and I can understand things from a different perspective now. I don't think I'm nerdy though. Being concerned about my studies, in my opinion, is not nerdy!
Which reminds me.. I miss IJ so damn much.
I haven't went back to visit this year. Not at all. :'(
I've passed by last Friday, and it really hasn't changed a bit, which is kinda comforting, in a way.
How I miss those days when all we thought was serious was saying 'shut up'.
How I miss those days when all we cared about was running around wildly like a bunch of mad children.
I really miss being an IJ girl. Now, when I'm no longer a part of that family, (even though once an IJ girl, forever an IJ girl!!) I really start to realize that IJ girls are really different. They have an air around them that makes people respect them for who they are, and they do have a reputation that no other people have. I really miss that feeling. :(
Hmmm. -reflects and thinks deeply-

No more friendship problems for me.
Probably, last time, I've been thinking too complicatedly when actually, things can be as simple as reading a book.
It isn't what it looks like all the time. I'm just too analytical to look on the inside. I can't always judge people like that.
We all have faults; we aren't perfect.
We are what we are because of that. And we can't always end up blaming each other. Because then, everyone's life would be really miserable, won't it?
I think we should all learn to love each other and appreciate each other for who we are now, considering that we have less than half a year to stay together.
And I always get sad when I come to this part.. that we'd all be separating in less than half a year. I'll really miss twotwo twentyten. All the jokes, laughters, fun and entertainment that we'd had as a class for nearly two years.. those are really memories that will stick in my mind. Coming to Commonwealth, and to onetwo as well as twotwo really broadened my horizon and englightened me, thus maturing me and allowing me to grow as a person, and I really appreciate the fact that I'm able to learn so much over here, and I really want to thank my class for giving me the chance to be who I am today, even though you all really make me puke blood sometimes. :)

Sidetracking a little..
I'd probably be going to Triple Humanities stream, or taking the Social Studies plus History stream, because after all, my goal requires me to spend my time over Humanities and Literature rather than Sciences, so I figured that there isn't any point in taking the Triple Science stream, because I'd end up stressing myself out and my sciences aren't really that good. Science has never been my strength okay.
If I went to the Triple Science stream, I'd probably go crazy or drop out after I go crazy. ;)
It really makes me feel better to know my strengths, goals and ambitions and know what I want during this whole busy period.
Over all, it was a good weekend. I replied to my Council emails, and I got back compliments from my seniors and teachers, which makes me feel good! -thumbs up-
I finally feel like my opinions matter somewhere, and that some people need me somewhere, cos I'm pulling my weight now.
I hope this good feeling of mine continues. ^^

xoxo

446.

2010-07-03T09:21:00.003+08:00

Second post for today.
A week of school has gone. Really not adapted to this whole waking-up-at-five-thirty thing. I want my ten hours of sleep! -throws tantrum-
But ohwells. We can't always have our way, can we?
Busy busy and busy in school. Have stayed behind in school everyday for the past week, and I can't even remember for what.
It feels as if age is catching up on me. O:
At least this coming Monday's a holiday. I get my ten hours of sleep then. Hee.
Tired after this hardcore week of school.
Council meetings are revved into high gear, and so are the preparations for YOG. These two are keeping me real busy, apart from class stuff and also my studies.
I feel that I'm really making an effort to improve my grades.
At least I make sure that I sober up and listen to science classes. I don't feel that lost in chemistry anymore; at least not as lost as the last time.
At least I make sure that I keep trying at math, and I don't just give up like the last times.
I realized that it's really important to keep positive and believe in yourself. That's what kept me going this week.
I've been really high, and that really kinda encouraged me to keep breathing, and to keep going.
Because at a certain period of time, you'd feel as if you couldn't do anything and helpless, as if the whole world was going to crash on you.
And there's no point complaining, or crying, because no one but you can pull yourself up, and it's all up to you, so why not smile and face it rather than grumbling at it?
That's my take. My goal for now is to not complain anymore, and not to hate anyone anymore, because all this is really tiring to keep up.

Watched Eclipse on Thursday. Well, all I can say that the newspaper review was right to give it 2 out of 5 stars, because to be honest, it wasn't really fantastic. The acting was better, but the storyline just inches along, and seriously, anyone would be much better off reading the book instead. The first scene shocked me actually, because the scene was about Victoria biting Riley, and Riley screaming his head off. Really terrorizing and terrifying.
But it had to be the fact that they actually showed the broken head of Victoria against her body and Riley's broken hand that quite scared me.
Hmm, my advice is, don't watch unless you're a fan of the book.
Lawls, remembering Thursday...
When Taylor Lautner came on the scene, people in the cinema actually applauded! It was obviously team TAYLOR than team ROBERT. Zzz.

Jacob/Taylor Lautner: "You've got to admit, I am hotter than you.
Edward/Robert Pattinson: -speechless-

Boy do I so agree with this statement, though I support Edward Cullen. Teehee.
I felt like dying when "heart throb" Robert Pattinson came on the scene. Quite gross. -groans-
But ohwells. No one loves Robert Pattinson. Come on. Taylor Lautner has a hot body lah, you've got to admit. Heehee. :)
At least his biceps and muscles are real.
Okay, I think I could go on for ages if I complained about how unmanly he is.
Okay, so that's about it for this post.
Also, please scroll down for my first post today.

P.S.: Decided to give one whole post for the dedication of one of my best friend's birthday. Just shows how much she means to me. :)

xoxo

445.

2010-07-03T09:12:00.002+08:00

Today's the third of july.
This means that it's LIJUN'S BIRTHDAY!

Hey girl, I don't know if you'll read this, but I sure hope you will..
Time flies really fast.
Memories of our time back in IJ are still kept deep in my mind, and in my heart.
One of the really awesome things that I've done in IJ was getting to know you.
You've really been my support during those times, and I'm really glad that I've got a friend in you;
The one who's always there for me, who's always willing to listen to me, who doesn't care what others say about me, and who gives me quality advice that puts me back on track! :)
Even though we went to different classes after our glorious days in Primary 4, I know that I'll forever have a friend in you, and you know that you have a friend in me too.
What we shared together and are still sharing can never be replaced by anyone, and can never be forgotten.
Graduating from IJ, we went to different secondary schools, and you'd already moved house, making it near to impossible to meet up.
I just want you to know that I've really missed you too.
And look what now! We're already fourteen. It's really fast!
What we have now are our memories left of our days in IJ.
I still remember how we would exchange stuffs and discuss Habbo. :B
Hahahahahas! Good days they were.
My point is, IJ is the past. What is the present, we should cherish!
So here's wishing you success in your endeavours, and that you'd spend a meaningful and memorable birthday with your loved ones around you.
Always remember that no matter what, I'll always be here, and don't forget that! ;)

With much loves,
Esther

444.

2010-06-24T21:31:00.003+08:00

Time for my weekly update...
Hard to believe how fast time has flown by, though I've known it all along subconciously.
Extremely tired today.
Had YOG Training @ NIE today, Lecture Theatre LT 1.
Brain was already exhausted after lunch, and since then, the whole day just seemed to drag along.
Maybe before anything started, I was already feeling lethargic. Right, I was still in a holiday-mood.
Even so, I had a lot of fun today, though I wouldn't quite say that I enjoyed every part of it.
Got mad at some others at some point of time, and other times, mad at myself mostly.
Mad at myself for not being the fun, lovable person that everybody likes to chat with.
But another part of me knows that I'm not really suited to be that "popular" person.
But still, even though there were some disappointments today, but at least I made friends.
Friends among the school YOG leaders, yeah.
We got paired up with Anglican High. Other groups had like 3 or 4 schools together, so I guess our group was considered small.
Those seniors from Anglican High are really intimidating to me.
They felt like really really big elder brothers and sisters, because I think all of them or most of them were in the Student Council.
And I saw their shirt, their school had a 46th Student Council already.
So, my whole image of them is "woah".
Maybe I'm still not adapted to this whole "councillor" thing.
I'm already feeling the pressure and expectations over there.
After our training, which ended at about 530, and we were all super exhausted and brain-dead already, Miss Yang still had to call us over for briefing.
Our task - more YOG-based stuff.
And we have more and more duties; more and more things to do; more and more things to fret and worry over.
I'm really starting to get worried about how everything is going to turn out.
Because I know that my quality of work isn't very good.
At least not up to many people's expectations.
I just hope that I can pull through everything.
Somehow, I know that things will be fine. Probably.
I must be strong. Be even stronger. Because there are many things waiting for me to do, and I can't afford to feel negative.

P.S.: I got to know Xuanyi and Priya better, though I did talk a little to Yuenping and Della. :)

443.

2010-06-14T20:27:00.007+08:00

Can't be bothered to type anymore, except that today was awesome ttm.
Outing with badminton mates.
Took neos, played at the arcade, watched Nanny McPhee.
Lots of laugh, and lots of love. :)
Things couldn't get better.
Badminton Girls' ftw!

Thank you for all those memorable times. :)

442.

2010-06-12T21:20:00.001+08:00

I've let go.
None of the disappointments mean anything to me now.
A feeling of relief makes me sure that this is the right decision.
Goodbye. :)

441.

2010-06-09T15:15:00.000+08:00

"It will be as if I never existed."

Really? Is that what's happening now?
Am I not existing at all to people?
Sighs.
Get over it, Esther. Be strong.

440.

2010-06-07T08:22:00.007+08:00

Going to let pictures do the talking.

439.

2010-06-04T20:23:00.006+08:00

In a posting-mood.
Am just going to type in a few quotes that expresses my feelings/mood right now, and I'll shut up, for all the love in the world.

" 'I don't want to lose you.' His voice almost a whisper. Seeing his haggard expression, she took his hand and squeezed it, then reluctantly let it go. She could feel the tears again, and she fought them back. 'But you don't want to keep me, either, do you?' To that, he had no response."

"Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there’s nothing to make it last."

"Life, he realized, was much like a song. In the beginning there is mystery, in the end there is confirmation, but it's in the middle where all the emotion resides to make the whole thing worthwhile."

"You have to love something before you can hate it."

"My daddy said, that the first time you fall in love, it changes you forever and no matter how hard you try, that feeling just never goes away."

"We sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox."

"And I learned what is obvious to a child. That life is simply a collection of little lives, each lived one day at a time. That each day should be spent finding beauty in flowers and poetry and talking to animals. That a day spent with dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered. But most of all, I learned that life is about sitting on benches next to ancient creeks with my hand on her knee and sometimes, on good days, for falling in love."

"You always have a choice. It's just that some people make the wrong one."

"Dreams are always crushing when they don't come true. But it's the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You're always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold and it's enough to break your heart."

"Love, I've come to understand is more than three words mumbled before bedtime."

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever."

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Loves is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It dose not take offense and is not resentful. Love take no pleasure in others people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."

"Without suffering, there'd be no compassion."

"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected."

"The greater the love, the greater the tragedy when it's over."

"I love you more than there are stars in the sky and fish in the sea."

"Sometimes you have to be a part from people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them more."

"Nothing that’s worthwhile is ever easy. Remember that."

"I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be."

Sorry if this bored you.
It cheered me up a little.
Because there were five times. I got none.
This feeling of uselessness and unwantedness sucks.

-xoxo-

438.

2010-06-03T16:03:00.009+08:00

Another day in the fateful month of June.
It's hard to believe that I've come this far. Everything seemed to be flashing by in the speed of light.
I just hope that I can hang in there for another half a year, and then more years to come.
I really feel super guilty for ignoring Council's email until now, all because I needed time to think and clear my head.
Oh well, nothing is always perfect right.
I feel happier now, even though I'm supposed to get really upset that during the holidays I can't see my "friends" in school.
Yeap, surprisingly, I just want to stay at home everyday, not like last year, where I just want to hang out with friends everyday.
Nah, this year it feels really different.
Maybe as you get older, your thinking changes.
Probably, I guess.
It kinda feels weird though, because I really haven't contacted any schoolmates except a few up till now, which is rare.
And maybe because I haven't been back to school yet.
Will be going back to the place that I dread tomorrow.
Some other updates would be that I feel like my right arm has been dislocated; but I still feel okay enough to type this. Heeh. ^^
Also, my left calf is straining on me.
In conclusion, this is what you get when you go off training for a month and come back a month later.
Even though it's the "holidays" now, I don't really feel the holiday mood.
So many things going on. I hardly have any time to myself. And I really need to sort my own things out.
Luckily I'm able to finish three-quarters of my homework. It's the only comforting thing to me now.
Should I feel very sian, because I have badminton everyday next week?
Or should I feel sian but contented because my team is with me?
Sigh. Who ever said that life was supposed to be easy?
I just hope that next week's competition, I can excel. Really worried because of all my aches and strains.
Must really work harder in every aspect of my life to do myself justice.
I realized that there's no point in always blaming yourself for everything. And that I've gotten past that stage,

and also the stage of always blaming others for everything else.
Something else to look forward to this month -
GLEE AIRS ON CHANNEL FIVE FROM NINTH JUNE ONWARDS!!!

ZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMG

ZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMG!!!!!!!!!

*screams screams screams screams screams screams screams screams wails wails wails

wails wails wails shouts shouts shouts shouts shouts shouts shouts*

It's the only thing that I'm anticipating and looking forward to for SO LONG!!!!
Hahahas. ^^
(gLee ftwwwwwwww!)
Musical this Sunday. After that, I guess that many people would have a load off their backs. Hope that they all will rest well. :)
I really felt a whole lot better yesterday, after talking to jq for a long time about my issues with other people, and studying productively together. And I really hope that I can feel this way, because it's the best that anyone could ever feel.
Like I told her yesterday, I've given up hope on some other friendships, in a way.
Why should they have such a big effect on my life?
Even though I've decided, it will probably take quite some time for it to take effect onto me. But so far, all's good. :)

Okay, I'm done crapping.
^^

"Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart.

Once upon a time there was light in my life, now there's only love in the dark."

437.

2010-05-31T07:39:00.004+08:00

When the tough gets going, the going gets tough.

Last day of May. ^^
Even though it hasn't been so smooth sailing this month, but I choose to remember the beautiful things that had happened. :)
June holidays are here. But it doesn't really feel that way, does it?
Tons of things to do: NYAA, homeworks, busy socializing, catching up with everything and everyone else.
Ohwells.
I just hope I can stick to everything I promised myself.

P.S.: Am I disappearing? Hmms.

436.

2010-05-26T17:33:00.001+08:00

Amidst all these, I'm trying to stay afloat as hard as I can, with all my might.
Hope nothing major will happen. Hope that I can survive this ordeal.
How is it that everything becomes my fault.

"Would you choose to go left, where there's nothing right,
or would you rather choose to go right, where there's nothing left?"

Save me, someone.

435.

2010-05-24T22:13:00.004+08:00

Just move on.
I'm moving on, getting on with my life, and trying to go back to my normal life right now.
I've been putting on a mask in front of everybody else these past few days; trying to pretend that everything was my fault to begin with, and that everything was okay.
But it was really hard.
So instead of moping around and getting depressed, I've decided to get back on my feet and just move on, because, the world will never stop spinning without you, and you still have to carry on no matter how hard it is. That's what I've learnt.
So, I'm never ever going to be bothered about the same group of people anymore, and I'm going to live my own life right now.
I'm going to back down, and remain low, because probably people hate me for being too much, or too talkative.
There's no need for certain things sometimes.
(Gosh, am I like Rachel Berry with a big fat mouth?!)
Okay, whatever, but I'm just going to live my life MY OWN WAY!!
Because nobody tells me what to do yaw. :)
Finally a smiley face in my recent posts.
It doesn't matter if I don't matter to them, as long as I know I matter to other people who mean more to me.
That's the conclusion that I've come to after talking on the phone for 1 hour with my one and only bff. :)
Friendships are fragile, but this is really one friendship that has always remained intact even after so many years.
This is going to be a dedication to my bff too.

Dearest bff, 我爱你哦！！
Thanks for all the encouragement and discussions that we've had; I'm really happy to have spent my IJ days with you.
You're the most important friend to me, and I know that our friendship will last, because we're made for each other. :D

Sorry if it sounds mushy. Hehe.

But I mean every word I say okay?! :)
I'm going to pull myself up, and no more moping now. Oh the happy days ahead.
June holidays are going to be extra extra busy. More mugging, more trainings, more council events, more meetups.
Singing competition today was awesome, and I had a great time with Huien dear today. Rock on. :)

Luvzxc.

433.

2010-05-18T20:34:00.001+08:00

I just feel really hurt, and trapped inside to know that I really don't mean much.

432.

2010-05-18T15:12:00.002+08:00

Things have been.. well.. harsh.
I'm finding it harder and harder to face others as the days go by, and surprisingly, I'm looking forward to the holidays more than ever.
Today was extraordinarily scary for me.
I got back Science results. Wasn't really amazing. I already knew what mark I was going to get. But even so, I still felt really disappointed when I got it back. Disappointed to know that everything I'd been working for was really for nothing.
It really got me thinking, about what I'd been doing for these past months, and how I'm supposed to work on things.
It didn't really help that I have my own personal problems too.
I realized that I'm really an extra person, no matter where I'm placed.
I really feel that it's getting tough on me.
There's no one that I can trust, and there's no one who understands my situation.
There's no one who's willing to be there for me, always.
And I've been wounded enough.
The tiredness, and the quietness. I needed to sort out my feelings, and emotions. Even though it was really heartbreaking to know that no one cares a hoot about me, I felt that I had to face these feelings honestly. Man up to it.
Because no one else can help me but myself.
I lack the courage and the confidence to change things, yes I know.
There's nothing real that I can actually do to make things better.
And I'm really sick and tired of being the first one to make things right.
But it's worse this time, because I don't know if I'm the one at fault or not.
It's all getting more and more complicated, and I don't think that I can handle it anymore.
On the brink of an emotional breakdown.
I just really want to give up, and return everything, because I know that to everyone else, I'm not worth anything, not at all.
And I really think that I'm just a useless creature, who's wasting space.
I know that I shouldn't think so lowly of myself, but really, everyone has been trying to tell me that.
Am I over-sensitive? I don't think so.
People often don't stand in my shoes and think from my perspective.
They don't know how hard it is on me.
True, they probably have their own points to look from, but they didn't fall so deep, not as deep as me.
I know; I just know.
I'm not complaining.
Just that I find myself surrounded in despair and the dark.
No one is carrying an inch of light for me.
True, others opinions aren't everything, friendships aren't everything.
It's just that they make up a big part of my life. And I can't help it.
I'm sick and tired of the options of just waiting or moving.
It just makes me feel worse, honestly.
I have no friends, and I am a loner.

431.

2010-05-14T15:16:00.001+08:00

"You made it so real..."
What was reality before seemed so far away right now; like an illusion.
Trying to move on, but stuck in the past.
Was I wrong, there and then?
What should I do?
Tell me.

Trust, or not.

430.

2010-05-11T20:57:00.003+08:00

Good evening everyone.
Glee Episode 18 upload in 2 hours time! ^^
Hehs, but i ain't going to stay up to wait. :P
Final paper today.
Rejoice, halleujah.
After the paper ended @ 9am, went to the Stamp Museum with TEDS to get the competition stuff.
The stamps cost us a whole 40 bucks. But it's totally worth it when we get a gold. :D
Ended at about 10.45, which is really early, then headed to Funan's Macs to have lunch.
5 hashbrowns. Woah.
Will upload the pictures in this post later on.
Then, we went to Once Upon A Milkshake for a milkshake. :)
It's scrumilicious and yummilicious.
I was really upset that R couldn't come with us to enjoy this beautiful day.
After that we went home.
Slacked and talked to R online the whole day. O:
You must understand that i'm bothering to upload all the photos because of R okay.
Here they are, along with some overdue pictures that Diana just sent me.

That's all.
School as usual tomorrow; drained.
Go check out the class blog. :)
Rock on people.

xoxo

429.

2010-05-09T19:08:00.009+08:00

This post is dedicated to all the awesome friends that I have.
Please stay strong regardless of what situation you're put into, and please always hold on! Don't let go no matter what, and treasure the moment that you're in, and let each moment last as long as you can.
There are a few friends that I'd like to highlight, that have really been there for me about as long as I can remember.

Firstly, Athirah bte Kamaruzzaman.

We came to know each other through the 11th Student Council.
Knowing you has been a great experience, and I really don't regret anything that we've done together, because every moment with you has been awesome and fun.
I really want to thank you for all the experiences that we've had together, because they've been made pleasurable thanks to you.
Please remember that I love you and that you're important! :)

Secondly, Chin Hui En.

Okay, I know that I don't have that one photo of both of us, but still, I want to thank you for all the encouragement that you've been giving me, and also that even though we weren't this close last year, but you have really made a difference in my life by just being yourself. Everything that we've gone through will stay in my heart and mind always. :)
I love you!

Okay, I also want to dedicate this post to my awesome Mum.

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY MUM!
Even though you really get naggy at times and get on my nerves, I still want to say that I wouldn't have made it here without you, and I love you. :)

That's all.

xoxo

428.

2010-04-30T20:50:00.004+08:00

A week-long update!
Finally, English and HMT exam is over.
A relief. Yet, it's a reminder that we have 3 more tough papers to endure before really taking a good proper rest.
It's been all kind of stressed up, and crazy and wild, but when we look back at the end, we'll see that it was all worth it, and the experience that we had together has a class, or as a batch, is really amazing and wonderful, so I have no complaints, even though this is a really pressurizing period. :)
However, it is really times like these that all the more we rely on each other as walls of support, in order to get through this!
I think I should really stop slacking most of the time. I should make a more controlled balance between my personal life, and my academic life.
I think that I've been concentrating too much on my personal life, for now.
I hope that I can really be a good friend, and a good classmate, and a good student, and a good councillor.
Maybe I'm aspiring to be too many things that I can't cope with. But, there's always a choice to make. It just depends on you, right?
Inspirations abound! :)

xoxo

427.

2010-04-25T21:27:00.002+08:00

Straightened out my thoughts. Well, most of it anyway.
I saw a lot of things around me, and I thought, there are many beautiful things in life that are awaiting us.
Why not slow down and take a look at them? Why are we all feeling upset for the same reasons over and over again?
It doesn't matter anymore, because we know that we've experienced this already.
Looking around, I'm able to see that there are really a lot of people who do indeed care for and love me, and I see no reason to reject themselves and myself, depriving all of us of a chance to have happiness.
-
-
-
Exams in five days' time. Mugging?
I promised myself. But yet, I spend the time sleeping away.
i should really start getting hardworking.
Tomorrow have to get out of house earlier to school.
I found this really cool web with really cool pictures, btw.
http://thingsweforget.blogspot.com/
- And I think that it's really motivational for everyone.

I'm most probably going to blog lesser and lesser.
Like this week. After one week and two days, I have another blog post. Hahs. O:
I guess right now, I'm more settled down into Commonwealth than I was before.
I've gotten used to it.
I think that it's just cos it's a school that grows on you.
Heh.
Ohwells.
There are many interesting events that are happening around me that I can't be bothered to blog about.
So, I'd rather just tweet.:)
I don't want to say any furthur regarding anything else.
Oh, yesyes, one last thing.
The Star Awards is really an epic fail.
Okay, can't be bothered anymore.
Trying to live my life well, to the fullest, and to get rid of any pests around me.
See you soon.

xoxo

426.

2010-04-16T20:10:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to do anymore.
Everything's in a confusion, everyone's in a mess.
It's getting more and more complicated, unknowingly.
I can't stand it anymore.
The tension, pressure and all? It really gets to me.
I don't matter anymore, I'm sure.
Without me, it's just the same. Nothing changes.
I'm not important.
Isn't that the reason to the excuses?
I am seriously starting to wonder where did all our time together go last year?
Even though I knew in my heart that it was all on my part, that everything was special for me, and me only, but I didn't expect all these things that have been happening.
It's really saddening my heart, and I don't like this uncomfortable feeling.
Please tell me what to do.
Get new friends? I have not much confidence in friendships anymore.
There's a huge stone boulder rolled in front of the cave, blocking out the light, and the way out.
There's nothing that I can do, there's nothing that can be done.
So, what now?
Do you know, it really hurts?
Am I supposed to forgive and forget everything about it?
But if I just give it up now, I'll feel upset, with all my efforts that I'd put in.
But if I don't, I'll end up feeling more hurt.
I know I should move on, but where should I go?
It's all in confusion, like a big haze blown into my world.
Why can't everything be the way it was before?
Ever since I stepped into secondary school life, everything changed.
Reality is harsh.
Are friendships really that fragile, and am I that naive?
Should I just quit complaining and accept the facts, and progress with an uncomfortable lump in my throat?
I seriously don't know what to do...

And no one can help me. Nothing can help me.
I'm really finding it hard to be honest with myself, and with other people right now.
There are once so many times when I wanted to just break down, and just don't care about everything.
But it's not an option to run away, I realized.
Even through all the ignoring, through all that avoiding, I still feel that I'm not important and significant, that my existence is not needed at all in their lives.
My presence is something extra, just like some random person who sticks to them.
Did they ever realize the harm that they've inflicted on me?
Did they ever think from my point of view, from my shoes, before they did anything?
It really hurts, and there's a undescribable feeling about it.
I really feel that all the time we spent together was just a scam, was just a lie, was just a deception.
Did it really not mean that much to you?
Do I really not mean anything at all to you?
Words are just lies.
Lies are just excuses.
And there is no room for any excuses anymore.

I guess the only solution now is time.
Time will prove all.
Time will tell.
Hopefully, time will heal all wounds.
But even if it does, there will still be a scar.
A scar for the world to see.
Ouch.
I know you've had enough.
Bye.

425.

2010-04-13T20:20:00.002+08:00

Yes, I'm posting today. :)
I had a very strong feeling today.
Probably an understanding more than a feeling, I guess.
Have you ever gotten the feeling whereby one day, you feel like you're in a dream, and then the next, you have to wake up to life's harsh reality? Or maybe, you feel like you've not been doing anything, but then, the next minute, you snap wide open and remembered that you were supposed to do something important? Or maybe, you felt like you were feeling dazed in this moment, and in the next, you realized that previously you were taking things for granting, taking instead of giving in a relationship?
This is how it's like for me, really.
I'm not lying, because I know that it's no point trying to hide these sincerities and these thoughts up.
Today had it's fair share of happiness and joy, as well as heartaches and difficulties.
I think I'm really getting mood swings. Or are my moods changing really randomly and rapidly because of how people around me react to my responses?
I always tend to think that people are angry with me, just because I made a really wild decision to do something really stupid that I'd never thought I'd see myself do.
And I'd always feel very regretful and sorry after that, because I feel like it's so not worth all this drama just because of my rashness.
And I guess that I've been kinda holding everything in.
Advice: Don't bottle it up.
It'll really get to you one day.
And it'll eat you up, until you feel like you have nothing in it, because you constantly wallop in self-despair, stuck to the belief that nobody cares about you etc.
It's no point, because even if you bottle it up, people around you aren't aware, though they don't have that intention to make you feel like that. Think about the possibilities.
If you say it out, it'll gurantee that you'll feel better.
Truly, I say this. Because I've been through those hard times. And I've always felt better after I let it out, in whatever methods I had.
I think that it's important to go through these. It makes you grow as a person and also realize the true meanings and balance between various relationships.
You, yes you, reading this post right now, may be thinking, What the hell am I talking about?
Well, this brings me back to my topic from the start of my post.

Today, many things have happened.
Well, not really many as in like 10 over things have taken place or something, but there are these little little eenie weenie things that makes me have many sentiments and thoughts.

Point number one. I realized that I'm really rash, and that I have to curb my rashness, or in other words in nice terms, me being too crazy.
Point number two. I realized that sometimes, I can't rush things out. I just have to wait for some things to happen. For example, if the feeling isn't there, there is no point in forcing someone to accept you as who you really are.
Point number three. I realized that everyone needs personal space all the time. They may act high and random, but people really have an inner box that they do lock up deep in their hearts; a box that no one else can access. Previously, I've always had this lump in my throat when talking about personal space, because I didn't realize that I myself too, needed and had a personal space of my own.
Point number four. I realized that even though the world may seem to be against you, or everyone may be disagreeing with what you said, or no one may seem to be bothered about you, believe that someone will always hold out for you. Trust in people and there may be other things that you'll find out.
Point number five. Being accepted isn't a big deal. What's most important is the essence of your being: who you really are. If you start to love yourself, others will start and follow to love you, for who you really are, and not who you are acting as.

All these facts and opinions are really true, and take my advice: when things seem to be going wrong, or going haywire, take a rest, then take a breath and think through calmly about this.
It probably will work, or won't. I guess it depends on how you look at that certain situation.
Sometimes it doesn't work for me when I feel irritated or feeling helpless, when I feel like nothing can help me.
So yeah. I hope this will at least take some effect on me.

Okay, that's the end of my superextremelylongpost! :D
I know, it's kindof random and all, but yeah. Just penning down thoughts.

Okay, last thing.
Things to do (self-reminder!):

Study for Chinese class test

Gifts (Heheh. ^^)

Plastic for blazer :P

D&T wood

Bollywood Dance practice

Intensive revision for MYE!

Yeap, thats all for today.
Xoxo.

424.

2010-04-12T22:37:00.002+08:00

I'm older.
Fourteen.
Seemed so far, yet now near.

This past year, seemed to be one of the best years in my life, filled with lots of laughter, with its fill of tears and sadness too. I am just glad that I've managed to live past another year, to continue striding forward with confidence.

I'm really happy today.
It was awesome, ttm.
I'd like to thank those awesome people who made my day, who wished me and gave me presents, who have played an important and major role in my life.

Sikai, Ruilin, Diana, Trixie, Huien, Lijun, Antoinette, Laura, Cherilyn, Damini, Athirah, Dan Kor, Charmi, Des Kor, Karl Ann, Elizabeth (Heng), Aida, Elizabeth (Sim), Carmen, Celeste, Nazira, Jinyi, Kelly, Li Xian, Sarah, Adora, Nabilah, Hengyi, Tania, Shaktivel, Zainab, Xinyi, Renitta, Katherine, Xiuqi, Mingsiew, Jingqiau, Cheryl, Yuanshan, Farha, and the rest of 2/2 as well as the Sec 2 councillors.

You guys have really made my day, and this is my best birthday yet.
Thanks for all the presents; will be uploading the pictures on facebook.

I'm so proud of 2/2 today. :)
They managed to sing a proper birthday song for me, without the presence of a teacher, for the first time!
I'm so happy that they did, and am really grateful, because they seriously gave me the motivation I needed.

This will mark the end of my birthday, and I am truly sad that it's ending, and it deserves to go out with a big bang.
However, I am, indeed, studying at this moment. Which is so anti-climatic.
But nevermind, awesome to the max. :)

Jiayou Esther. You have overcomed loads. Please continue to press on, and prove to others as well as yourself that you can.

P.S.: Math Common Test was okay. :)

423.

2010-04-10T10:35:00.003+08:00

Another week has gone by.
It was hard to go through, unsurprisingly.
I'd already braced myself for more sweet-nothings and bitterness.
There were both sides this week.

Sweet,
1. Monday -
I was extremely high, because of Council in the morning, and that kicked off my day, calming me down for Science CT, which I was totally not confident of. However, CT was okay, and I was really glad that it all worked out, so it was one of the good days for me.

2. Tuesday -
Totally skipped CCA. Had a lot of laughs with Nickson and John while waiting for Investiture Rehearsal. I'm really glad that I have them as friends, because they cheer me up when I'm down.

3. Wednesday -
Investiture. Received my badge and certificate. Tie-pins will be coming later. Skipped PE in the morning to rush out souvenirs, and got scolded by Mr Koh. Even though so, I still enjoyed the whole process of bonding with the seniors, and our spirit was really there. Then, skipped half of LA and the whole of Conversational Malay. But that's okay. LA had English test, which I took on Thursday. ACM Conservation workshop was really fun.

4. Thursday -
I guess the only good part of this day was the fact that I got to go home earlier. And that I didn't need to stay till like 7pm. After I took the English test, which I probably screwed up, I took 30 home. Was proud of myself for that. :)

Bitter,
1. Tuesday -
I felt certain things slipping away. And I couldn't do anything to stop it. Was tired after rehearsal. Left school at 7.10pm with John. Not enough sleep.

2. Wednesday -
They took me for a ride again. It happened on Games Day, and this, that day. Even though I know it's a joke, but I can't take it. It hurts a lot, when they say it as a joke, but I treat it really seriously. Ignored them. Wanted to talk to R about it, but everybody disappointed me.

3. Thursday -
Double S was bloody irritating.
Screwed that freaking English test.

4. Friday -
Felt more love and concern slipping away, for no reason. Felt really extra among all the rest, really just felt like crying.
Training was super draining, and we had shuttle run, running, multiple-shuttles, footworks etc. Everyone was tired to the bone. But in a way, it was satisfying after, because we realised that we'd survived another harsh training, the harsh training that we haven't had in very long. Drank bubbletea and bonded with Zhengfei, Weiqi and Sheryl.

The 11th Student Council and my badminton teammates seem to be the only motivation for me now.
Nothing can save me, no?
There are so many contradictions that we all can't control, and we can only make it better by confiding in each other and trusting in each other.
I feel cheated of my feelings.
When I gave all I had, nobody treated it seriously.
Just abused it. And acted as if it was theirs in the first place.
They don't realise that I'll be taking this right from them soon.
They broke my heart a few times.
Yet I still tried to act normal, to act strong, and to carry on.
But they don't appreciate it.
"So I guess, when the song ends, it's all really going to be over."

It's a few more days.
Why don't I feel that way, the way that I'd usually feel a few days before?
I don't feel special.
I don't feel appreciated.
I don't feel useful, or worthy of anybody's care.
I don't feel unique.
I don't feel like it's my day.
In fact, I just feel like lying at home and burying my head in pillows on that day.
I can't be bothered anymore.
I feel so sick and tired of experiencing these feelings.
What is the problem?
Seriously, can everything just stop for a few minutes?
It's tough handling everything that I can't stop for a few minutes to curb my panting and tiredness.
No one understands the feelings that I have, and those who try will only make it worse.
So, what is the point?
Just leave me alone.

I know this sounds wrong, and not me.
But it's how I've been feeling for the past week.
And I can't help it.
I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not all that I think I am, that I'm braver and I can handle everything, but it's just proven that I can't.
That maybe, probably, I just suck big-time?
That I'm not worthy of others' trust?
That maybe I'm just someone who's trying too hard?
That maybe I should just hide in a hole?
An outing later. Maybe.

Bye.

422.

2010-04-04T17:12:00.002+08:00

Okay, this is going to be rare.
Because I am posting 2 days consecutively!
You won't get to see this often. :)

So wells, usually I can't really be bothered to post even if I come online.
But, this post is inspired by me blog-hopping. :D
And also inspired by Council photos posted on Facebook, which i linked and linked and linked to everybody else's blog!
Hahahas. O:
Okay, so now for the main content.

I AM UPSET!
WHY ISN'T EASTER ON MY DAY.
IT WAS LAST YEAR! D:

Yeah, I'm upset!!
Because Easter isn't on my birthday. DDDDD:
Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy?!
"Esther's birthday is on Easter."
Isn't it the best? :D
So anyways.
Happy Easter to everyone. :)
"Rejoice! The Lord is Risen!"

Can't wait for Wednesday. :)
I want my badge and tie-pin! :D

On another note, I was kinda feeling depressed today.
I really felt like I was short on time, and had no confidence for any more tests.
Is this test-phobia or something? Because losing confidence in myself isn't supposed to happen, especially right now, in these kind of trying times.
It's streaming year, for goodness sake!
Sigh.
I'm trying my best to keep standing on my own two feet, but I'm struggling here.
No idea how it came to this state, but Math and Science has came back to being my killer subjects.
The idiotic thorns among my As.
Target for this year: Top 3 in class and Top 5 in level.
AHHHHHHH!
PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY!
I WANT MY TOP 5!!!!!!!!!!!
Sigh.
Okay, it's back to asknlearn.
You know, Copper (II) Sulphate is REALLY stressing me out.

Bye.

P.S.: Oh heck, I got 8 out of 15 correct for the Separation Techniques quiz. Am going to attempt it AGAIN. I don't believe that I can't score in this topic. D:

421.

2010-04-03T18:55:00.005+08:00

I am extremely happy today, even though I didn't spend the day studying and preparing for Common Test.
However, it was because of that that I felt really happy. :D
Because we had the last 10th Student Council Outing today, @ Wcp.
Went there together with Aida and Yi Jie. :)
Then, we went into Macs and saw another bunch of sec two councillors.
Aida and I walked out, called Vivian, and called a few other people, and found out that they were in school!
And we felt so damn cheated, cos everyone was chionging hall deco and we didn't know anything.
So yeah, waited for about half an hour for the others, Omar and Yi Jie eating breakfast as we waited.
Okay, i ate a hash brown!
:/
Then, we all went to another corner to put our stuff and all.
Started playing games. Climbed to the top of the rope-structure thingy.
It was fun, but also tiring mans.
I'm REALLY REALLY sunburnt right now.
Tired much.
John, Athirah, Yi Jie, Carissa, Aida, Sidharrth and I went to Macs to slack after the outing, cos it was raining, and people wanted to go home already. But a few of them still continued to play.
So, we were talking about Easter, and the difference between John and my religion, and stuff.
We all discovered unknown sides of each other.
Andthen all of us took 176 back to the library to go home.
And Nickson started this topic on "Imagine Sze Ming parade commanding~"
And Nickson was elaborating on that!
"If Sze Ming parade commands, then he'll start laughing after he says the first command, and if the mike is on, the whole school can hear him, and the whole school will start laughing because his laughter is so contagious! And by the time he says 'senang diri', he'll be on the floor, pounding the floor, laughing really hardly."
Lol!
And we were making lots of noise on the bus, but, ah, who cares?!
Hahas.
And it was really funnnnnn. :)
Today was awesome. Tomorrow will be the best!
Hahahahas.
You guys really made me smile and laugh lots today.
Reached home, took another shower, and went to sleep after uploading the photos on fb. :)
Heh.
Ohwells.
Just felt like updating my blog, because it seemed really dead. 0.0
-
-
-
I really didn't regret joining Council, because there are just so many awesome people that I've gotten to know, and up till now, I still can't believe that I'm part of this big family.
It was when I was all sad and depressed, that Council was able to help me see through it.
And I'm really grateful for everything that Council has given me. Naturally, I'd feel obliged to do my part for them.
So, yeah.
Investiture is on Wednesday. :)
I want my badge and tie-pin!
Hahs.

That's all.
Praying hard that my science common test will be good.

P.S.: I got 12 out of 15 questions correct for the asknlearn quiz on Solutions and Suspensions! :P

420.

2010-03-31T21:39:00.002+08:00

Busy. Busy. Busy.
This is the busiest time of my life, ever.
I don't think I've been this busy since 10348950368923569875469 years ago! :'(

Coming up:

Thursday (tomorrow) 1st April - Games Day / Homec Practice Dry Run (2)

Friday 2nd April - Good Friday

Saturday 3rd April - Council Outing

Tuesday 6th April - Investiture Rehearsal

Wednesday 7th April - Investiture.

Sigh. Mad busy.
But luckily I am.
Because it distracts me.
Which I'm glad of.
My emotions are really getting out of control now.
And I have a mixture of feelings towards everything, and everyone.
I don't want to feel that way, but I can't do anything to stop it.

Was in a really not-so-friendly mood this morning, and was even more hurt to realise that me ignoring anyone was a right thing, because there wasn't any difference whether I spoke or not. It was like my presence wasn't important at all.
And yeah, you're right, I should stop "throwing" myself, forcing other people to accept me.
Nobody cares about me, and yes, I accept that.

But, after afternoon assembly, and after today's rehearsal and sounvenir committee meet up, I really felt happier. Council seniors made me laugh. Council mates made me relax. The most surprising fact was that, it was the Council guys who made me laugh.
Yijie, John, Nickson & Szeming.
I totally didn't expect them to cheer me up.
But, they made my day brighter.
And I'm glad that I joined Council, for that reason, though I have lesser time right now.
I felt like it was totally worth it.
And I love them all.

P.S.: Depressed.

419.

2010-03-27T21:34:00.003+08:00

There are just things that are better left unsaid.

It's times like these, and situations as such, that makes you feel uncomfortable and depressed.
But you know that it's best for everyone to just keep things to yourself.
I've been pondering about that this week.
And I've been thinking about a lot this past week.
I think it's been too much for me, and I'm taking things way too seriously for my own good.
I shouldn't have rubbed too much into everything else.
But if I don't, then I can't find any way to comfort myself.
And I've kindof sunk into a sortof depression this week.
I haven't been as chatty, or haven't been as active, I guess.
Maybe people don't notice that, but I do, because it's me whom I'm talking about.
It was a hard first week at school.
But I'm glad to say that I survived it.
I didn't really mean to think too much about everything.
It just happened that people around me were making me feel sad.
For a couple of reasons.
Andthen somehow I just didn't want to do anything anymore; just wanted to crawl into a corner.
I felt like the world was just going to crash on me, or at least eat me up.
And that is not a good feeling.

Sometimes I didn't really know why I was feeling depressed; just mostly feeling it, but not knowing why exactly.
Probably due to a few reasons here and there, I guess.
But at the same time, through this, I realised that it's the time when all the more, you should confide in someone about everything that you've been going through.
Because it really helps.
And I think that sharing thoughts and feelings with someone gives a nice feeling.
And no matter what, you shouldn't keep too many things bottled up inside you.
Because one day, you might burst.

-
-
-

I'm quite satisfied with myself this week.
Although it hasn't been all easy, but at least I managed to finish all my homeworks on Friday and finished 2 projects as well. Slept away half of today. Was really exhausted, given the lack of sleep this week.
Just need to study for CT, notes which I had already written like a month ago.
Which makes me feel cheerful and more optimistic about everything else except things that had already happened.
I still feel sleepy, btw.
Training hadn't felt this painful in a long time. Maybe I'm getting slack, idk.

March is ending. April's coming soon.
I feel like everything is going full speed ahead, and no one is left behind.
Time's going to quickly.
And I'm trying to catch up.
Sooner or later, before we realise it, we would be preparing for O's. And we would be going through the whole stress process again, and saying goodbye to each other.
We had our fights, and we had our nights.
We'd miss each other much, though.
I have no idea why I'm blogging about this, but ohwells.
I just don't want to spend time whiling life away.
So, I'm going to post my 4 goals in life here.
And keep reading this post to remind me to work hard towards it.

01. Do well in studies. It's my job to.

02. SMILE at everyone in my life. Even though they may be very annoying, or someone whom I may not like lots, but keep at amicable peace with them. :)

03. Be contented with what I have. I have all the things in life that one could ask for.

04. I know it sounds cliche, but, this is a goal to do whatever good deeds whenever I can.

That's all for now.
I miss her.

♥

418.

2010-03-23T20:11:00.003+08:00

HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY BESTIE!

I LOVE YOU TO BITS!

I HOPE THAT YOU HAD AN AWESOME BIRTHDAY! :P

P.s.: Sorry for the late wish on my blog; I was chionging homework yesterday. :/

My heart broke, today.
Bye.

417.

2010-03-20T22:34:00.002+08:00

Heys :)

I'm back from Taiwan people! Yays. ^^
Bought lots and lots in Taiwan. Things there are good in quality and quantity, and its much cheaper than what you can find in Singapore.
Took lots of pictures.
I wanted to post the pictures on Facebook and on my blog, but im too lazy to post 700 over pictures on photobucket and attach it here. :B
Okays, whatever.
If you want to see it, go Facebook it.
Zzz.
Dead tired brain now.
Nights.

416.

2010-03-12T21:17:00.002+08:00

Hey people.

I AM CURRENTLY BLOGGING FROM TAIWAN YO!

Okays, have to go shower now. Will update when possible.

Bye. :)

415.

2010-03-11T19:41:00.004+08:00

Hello people.

This is my last post before I zip off to Taiwan. :)
However, before I blog about how fantastic this week has been, and about how many awesomezxcfantastico friends and also about how great and wonderful life is, I'd like to say this.

I MISS YOU DIANA AND RUILIN! SO MUCH!

Okay, finally got it out of my chest.

So yeah, today was kinda the last day of the term for me.
Today wasn't so slack lah.
Was reminded of how much I hated science in the lab today.
We were given some idiotic project on elements, compounds and mixtures.
Don't they realise, that we already have like 1001 projects on hand already?
There's History, Homec and Chinese... now there's Science?!
*hyperventilates*
Have like a ton of homework, and it's seriously piling up now.
Today's pile just added on to the already ever increasing load of things to do.
Have LA, Chinese and Math. On top of that, we have to finish all the projects asap.
*head swells*
Because of all these academic-related things happening to me, I'm reminded of my sucky grades.
5 As, and 1 B, and another C.
Some stinking shit this is.
Ahhhhhhhhhh.
Screw it. Screw it. Screw it. Screw it. Screw it. Screw it.
I hate myself lah. How could I have dropped from all As to a B and a C?!
Okay, calm.
Calm.
Calm.
Let's just relax, unwind and enjoy 1 week of holiday, reenergizing and getting all geared up to tackle 3 more terms of tough school.
But anyway, I am so bringing my math notes and chinese homework to Taiwan. Come back just need to do English storyboard.
Freak lah.
I need to sleep early today somemore, because apparently, we're taking the first train down to Changi. Sighs.
Why can't we cab down. D:
I think that I need to learn how to calm down mans. I'm letting my emotions get out of hand, to the extremes, too easily.
I can just burst out laughing really randomly for nothing, and suddenly get all mopey about my grades.
Urgh.
This just affirms my suspicions about me being stupid and idiotic.
6 more days for the Nanjing people.
7 more days for me. :D

I'm really looking forward to going out with Sikai when I get back.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE BESTIE. :D
Poor girl. Going for camp on the day Im going to Taiwan.
Hahahahahas. O:
Ohwells.
Good luck to all of us.

To end on a high note,

REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU GUYS LOADS AND LOADS. MISS ME YEAH. :B

414.

2010-03-10T16:03:00.004+08:00

The class is really sad without the eleven of you guys.
The whole class is just really quiet, and it's really unbelievable that we've come to this state.
Now, in class, half of the class is empty.
Sighs.
I miss all of you so much!
(Especially clique-mates.)

Part of me wishes that I had signed up to go, yet part of me wishes not to, and the first part of me regrets, however, the other part does not.
Complications, resolutions.
But anyhow, I've already made my decision, and I know that there's no reason to think too much about spilt milk.

Was introduced to Council yesterday.
Assigned to do file duty for sec twos.
I like this duty. :)
Almost all the sec two guy councillors are wearing their long pants, and they look quite hilarious and weird.
But ohwells.
I'm glad that I joined Council. Made a lot of new friends; strange faces that I've seen yet never talked to.

Today was really slack. Wasted about 20 minutes of Math lesson due to the long morning assembly, furthermore, it was raining. So the mood was really dull. Finished Math homework during IT.
Assembly was great though.
Fantastic piano skills by senior.
Which reminds me that Rui Lin would have regretted not attending the assembly.
It was really good.

Will be having my farewell with Trixie tomorrow.
I hope everything goes well for her on Friday.
Poor thing. We all left her alone. I wonder how she will get rid of all the weird people.
Trixie was telling me just now, that I'm introverted, but vocal.
That's kinda true about me.
And I was telling her about the past feelings towards friendships and all, and I feel contented that we at least have each other to talk to.
I've decided, that the past is the past. Whatever left out-ed feelings that we all felt were because we didn't really know each other well, and we thought that some things were okay.
This really makes my post posts seem ridiculous. Urgh.
Okay, will post my last post for the week tomorrow.

Bye.

413.

2010-03-08T20:34:00.003+08:00

Today's the day.
I don't think I've ever felt so happy with my clique before.
I can really feel the sadness.
They won't be in school tomorrow. They won't be in class.
11 down, 29 remaining. How would we survive?
I know that we've always been complaining about how noisy, rowdy and naughty the class has been, but without all these, we wouldn't be 2/2 anymore.
And worst part is, half of clique is gone.
Can't bear to let them go...

I think that I won't ever feel left out again.
Looking back, I realised that my supposedly emo posts are really immature.
Now, I no longer feel that way anymore.
I won't come up with some warped reason to deceive myself and others anymore.
Because I know that they will always be my good friends. :)
I love you guys, and nothing will and can ever change that. :)
Goodluck to all who are going to Nanjing tomorrow. Jiayou!
(Also remember to get me something. :P Nah, just kidding.)

Some deadlines...

090310 Nanjing trip. 11 twotwoters gone.

4 more days to Taiwan! :D

1 month and 4 days to thatspecialday.

Had much fun today.
I want this feeling to last.
I'll miss you guys alot.
Really.
I know that farewells are supposed to be all wet, sad and moppy, but we should be happy for each other amongst all the sadness! ;)
Okay, end of this happy-ish and sad-ish post.
Enjoy the pictures from today.
(There's actually alot, but almost all of them are taken with Trixie, and she doesn't want her pictures to be displayed, so.)

Wee. :)

412.

2010-03-02T19:45:00.002+08:00

A few things to post about. :)

Firstly.

LEESIKAI.
Thank you for everything that you've done for me; you've never failed to support me and give me the right encouragement that I needed! It was you that helped me get past my PSLE year. :)
You're very important to me, and I'll always treasure you, really, ALWAYS.
I hope that I've been an equally good friend to you as you have been to me!
(I know, I've always been your "mother"! Heh.)
ILOVEYOU ALWAYS, AND IM ALWAYS HERE IF YOU NEED ME!

Jiayou for your exams! :)

Secondly.

LIMSHERYL.
Happy belated birthday! Sorry I wasn't able to give you any present. Bleahs. :/
And I know that you'll not see this, but still, here's wishing you many good years ahead!
I'll always remember the tough times we survived together, and how we weathered the MANY MANY storms. :)
I know that we'll have more times ahead, and we'll survive it together again!
Thankyou for all your encouragement during those times; I really needed it!
I am what I am because of you. :)
(Okay, this sounds so mushy.)
Hey, but I mean what I say k.

Thank you guys so much.
I'll always be very grateful to you guys! :)
This post is dedicated to you two.

And I've decided not to care too much about friendship problems.
I have better friends, friends that really care for me.
So I shouldn't think about having such good friends again, because I know that such friends are hard to find.
I should just treasure what's happening now, and treat them equally like how I would a normal friend.
Don't think too much and don't rub things in; tell them whenever you don't feel comfortable.
Just let things take their natural cause.
Treasure the feelings, while they last.

411.

2010-02-26T21:02:00.008+08:00

Really overdue post.
Will be updating Cny pics, National Museum pics as well as yesterday's cross-country pics.
And I'll let the pictures do the talking yeah? Sorry for the damn big resolution.

There are a hundred plus pictures here excluding those of the artefacts, since I don't know if it's legal or not. This shows you how long I haven't posted any. :P

Cross-country was yesterday.
I was, frankly speaking, quite nervous.
I was worried too.
But, it turned out okay.
I got 11th position, and twotwo won the team award for girls, again, for the secondth year in a row. :)
I'm so proud of you girls!
We rawk. :)
I wasn't exhausted at all after the race, just really thirsty. I finished my 500ml bottle of water! :/
Okay, you can't blame me for being a water bull. I chionged with someone who wanted to overtake me at the last point okay.
But, shiok. First time getting a medal and getting recognition in something.
I feel proud of myself.
Heh.
Today was a good day.
After the race, went to Jp with clique to eat Pepper Lunch and watch a movie, and just chill and hang out.
But this idea was foiled when we saw the whole discipline committee sitting outside this Indian Cuisine restaurant at Feast, and shooting daggers at us, like, "What are y'all doing here?"
But, they fail to realise that our parents need to make a living, and they have to work, therefore they are not at home and can't do anything about our lunch. So, unless we are to starve and die, we have to eat out and settle lunch by ourselves.
There's no other choice.
Then, we watched Dear John.
Starring Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried.

Gosh. O:
It was REALLY. REALLY. REALLY boring. I really regret not watching Percy Jackson.
I'm rating it 1 out of 5.
Y'know, Ruilin was already sleeping at the starting of the movie, and I was really fighting to keep my eyes open.
Yeah, Channing Tatum is hot. But I think that this is one of his worse works yet.
It's a stagnant film. The only thing that made me stay inside the theater was that I already paid $6.50 for the movie, and that 10 twoone friends were in there, and Aida sat behind me, kinda keeping me entertained. :/
Hahas, at the RA scenes, when it's supposed to be all serious and serene, Ruilin and I kept laughing, cos Ruilin was imitating the deep booming voice of Channing Tatum.
Haiyo.
People sitting in front also turn behind and look already. Paiseh!
But ohwells.
I still think that today is an awesomezxc day!
(Partly because Ruilin was extremely high!)
Then after the movie, we went to Popular to walk around, and Ruilin and I ended up buying a notebook and a file, and she commonted that we were like buying on impulse.
Sighs.
I'm going broke.
Ah.
One more thing to add: we were camwhoring outside the theater. HAHAHS. O:
I haven't really felt so happy in a long time.
Also never felt so relaxed.

And I'm really looking forward to the weekends! :)
I can unwind a bit.
Wee.
But once I think about Monday... Haiz.
I'll have to live it one day at a time.
I'm tired of having to be like this.
When will school ever end?!
Maybe I should stop complaining.

A thought of comfort: at least I have gLee!

- Embrace your inner Losers. :)

410.

2010-02-20T11:14:00.002+08:00

Wee :)

Just a quick update on stuffs that happened that I didn't blog about.
So yeah, I promise that Cny pics will be up by the next post, because I am currently too lazy to upload them from my phone now, and also because I'm rushing for time.

Wednesday, assembly was Total Defence Day and Cny. Which was totally overdue. And I still don't understand why we didn't celebrate Cny on Friday, and have a half day. Which is totally unacceptable!
But assembly was coolzxc. The seniors were really funny with the raps and all.
After school, went to interchange and took a train home with Trixie, met Mum for lunch.
Wednesday was my lucky day. There wasn't much or any homework, and I reached home early, plus met Mum for lunch, which I haven't for a long time.
But Thursday was really chiong.
Lots of homework. Urgh.
I think D&T really killed us all. Brain cells were dying already.
And the Science worksheets were due by the next day.
Called Trixie, and we finished the worksheets together. :D
Speaking of it. I realised that I rely on Trixie in more ways than I imagine.
She's a friend that's irreplaceable. :)
When we talk to each other, it seems like the same things happen to us, and it seems that we have the same thoughts.
I can't really believe it, but it's happening.
Talked to her again yesterday before cca, and the same feeling about her came to me again.
And it was then that I realised that she's someone who's really important to me.

Listened to the last Dan and Young show on 987 yesterday morning.
I'm really sad.
I remember in my primary school days, after a stressful and tedious day in school, I'd take 174 back home, listening to Dan and Young, and laughing out loud at their deejaying.
They're both really good deejays. Why must Dan leave. :'(
I realised that more and more people are leaving all of us.
Mr Ng's also leaving us to Miss Wang Fen.
I don't really like her method of teaching.
She doesn't have that feeling that Mr Ng has!
To me, no matter how good a tcher can teach, if he/she doesn't have that feeling and bond between us, it's useless.
And at the same time, yesterday, I was really pissed that we weren't able to bake our sponge cake because Madam Aishah didn't come.
Can't the assistant tcher take over her or something?
I was really looking forward to baking the sponge cake! And we're already one lesson behind everybody else.
We just happily wasted our time by sitting and slacking in class lorh.
Although I think that a lot of people used the time to finish up the Science worksheets.
Received the new school diary also.
It's so much better than last year's!
Although there are still typos in the diary.
An example can be found on page 03.
I mean, "Our National Shard Values"?!
Yes, it's SHARD.
Come on.
But there are inspirational stories behind the diary, and there's a schedule planner etc.
Can write down any extra lessons inside the calendar, and we finally have enough space to write down our homework!
Amazing.
And there was only one piece of homework yesterday, which I polished off while listening to the Top 20. I think Do You Remember is still in first place and Tik Tok's second?
Ohyeah. And I reached home rather early yesterday. And I was really happy, because I couldn't even remember when I last came home this early on Fridays.
Seven pm!! Woah, I'm really impressed.
Hahas. O:
This makes everything better: I don't mind squeezing with all the immature aunties and uncles in the train who push push push just to be the first one out if it can make me reach home earlier.
Heh.
After I reached home, I checked my Google Apps mail.
And apparently, the Junior STARlets have to plan and organize Commonwealth Day 2010. And Miss Kokila put ME (yes, yours truly) in charge of the whole thing!
May I know the reason why?
Not that I'm rejecting it or being angry or what, just that there are also other people who are capable of this, why am I special?
But ohwells. I'll have to cope.
A challenge that I have to face anyways.

Reflected for awhile yesterday.
And I realised that my cca is the only thing that can make me happy in school.
Yes, it's tiring, yes, sometimes the coaches get really pissed with us and we get pissed with them, but after those tough hours, most of us Sec 2 girls walk to the bus stop together, and we talk about everything.
There's a sense of closeness between us, and nothing can ever break the bond!
And they make me feel really happy, lucky and fortunate that I'm in badminton.
Seriously! I'm not joking or anything.
To add on, my juniors are really nice.
They ask about me. ^^
So nice right?!
Heh.

Busy busy busy!
It's going to be a rather packed weekend. Have to mug for 3 tests:

Science Common Test

Homec Test

Chinese Spelling

Chinese Class Test

Gosh. O:
I need help.
Okay, shall stop here.
More updates next week, with the promised Cny peeks. :D

Luvzxc,
Estherrrrrrry. :D

409.

2010-02-17T18:03:00.002+08:00

Just because everybody says that you can't, doesn't mean you won't.
It's always been that way.
People who have crude comments are those people who are pushing you down.
And often these people are jealous or envious of whatever strengths that you have or whatever you're good in, or whatever it is that you're best at.
Don't let them bring you down.

For example, this picture.
The beautiful things are only restricted to your vision.
It's now up to you to reach out and search for your own happiness.
There's no point in dragging and hold on to the past, for the future is coming at us fast.
We have to move on and progress; don't keep recalling unpleasant memories.
Your flaws and all?
Take this chance and opportunity to start afresh and do it all over again.
Learn what you missed out on.
Appreciate what you called 'ugly'.
Cherish what you see.
It's okay, and it's alright to make mistakes.
Because there will always be people around you to encourage you, to take the first step again and stand up on your feet again.
Tell yourself and remind yourself that there will always be hope, no matter how tiring it may seem.
And don't worry too much! You'll never know what will happen. So don't fret. It'll only increase your wrinkles. (;

I know that everyone's been quite stressed up, or something.
I know, because I feel the pressure too.
So, this post is dedicated to all my amazingzxc awesomezxc friendszxc who need some support or some form of encouragement.
This post is also a reminder to you guys that I am and has always been here for you! And I won't be leaving anytime soon. :)
We had alot of fun times, and there were those times when I was weak, and friends have been my pillar of support.
This time, I want to be the pillar of support.
Even though maybe sometimes I may not be strong enough to carry your burdens as well.
But I promise I'll try and do my best!

Luvzxc.

408.

2010-02-16T20:51:00.002+08:00

There's a time to speak. A time to share. And a time to be sad.
There are certain things in life that can't be changed, no matter how hard or try or how hard you fight for it.
You just can't force things to happen.
Even though you tried, when you knew that the chance of succeeding was near to impossible, you still feel upset when the time really comes.
And you can't do anything except to watch it take place.
You knew the results, but somehow, you were willing to fall into the trap. You were willing to be the bait and the substitute.
Sometimes you laugh, sometimes you smile.
But most of the time, you know that you're heartbroken inside.
The worst part is that you have to spend your days with people who can bring you up, or who can tear you down.
The people who make your heart feel all sour-y inside.
And you know that it's wrong to do that. But somehow it just seems that you can't tear yourself apart from them.
So, tell me, who's right and who's wrong?
What's right and wrong?
What should I do?
Because sometimes when I feel lost inside, I feel hollow and I feel funny.
I feel as if this was how everything was meant to be.
And I hate this feeling.
Honestly.
I usually hug myself to sleep.
Or vent about it to myself.
Which makes the whole situation worse when I tell myself that I deserve this.
For beliving blindly. For trusting blindly.
For being naive and over-innocent.
I shouldn't.
I told myself and I warned myself.
Till now, I'm still waiting to drop into the big hole. That's big and black and waiting to eat me up.
And till now, I still gladly welcome it.
Because I know that the process is sweet.
And after all, no harm trying.

407.

2010-02-15T13:51:00.004+08:00

"You know you love me, I know you care. Just shout whenever, and I'll be there. You want my love, you want my heart, and we would never ever ever be apart~"
"And I'll be like, baby baby baby, nooo, baby baby baby nooo, baby baby baby, nooo. Thought you'd always be mine, MINE."

Weee. I'm cute lah, you must admit it. (;
Lol, dont anyhow proclaim. ;-) it's not your job to call yourself cute. Muafafa.
I'm cute lah! I'm round and adorable and also not-so-pretty which is cute! Wee. :)
Lol, i dare you to write that in your blog. :B

HERE IT IS!
Wee. :)
For those of you who are lost: don't bother trying to understand it. I mean, come on! This conversation is cuuuuuute. :D
Hahas.
Okay, so anws, Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Valentine's to all!
I have collected exactly $400 worth of angbaos so far. :D
Reunion dinner was awesomezxc. The jiaozi was Ichiban. :)
Will post pictures after the these few days. Will collate everything and show you guys.
Here's a confession to everyone.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.
Although last year was much of a whirlwind and maybe filled with certain unpleasant moments, you guys were really there for me all the way, and I really want to thank you guys for always being by my side, encouraging and helping me all the way.
Some people change, either for better or worst. And I hope that it will be better for you guys, and that this new year will bring you good luck and faith and courage.
Never stop believing. ;)

And this is for everyone as well. :)
See you guys in school on Wednesday. :/

(BOY DO I NOT LOOK FORWARD TO IT.)

406.

2010-02-12T22:01:00.003+08:00

I know I wished you alot of times already, but still,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY XINYI!
Lots of love, wishes and hugs to you on your fourteenth birthday.
Life's a journey that we all must undertake, and fourteen is just another checkpoint on this long list. So do treasure every moment that you live in and cherish every step you take! :)

Have been too busy to blog often lately.
I've been trying to catch up with Math and Science, especially since I got lesser than what I expected of myself. I can really feel my grades sliding, and I have to stop this landslide. I don't want my position to drop!
My language subjects are still okay, and up to expectation, though I feel that they can be improved on.
Sometimes I feel very depressed about my grades. Because there is alot of pressure coming from up there, and I have to work very hard to achieve the goals and aims that I set for myself.
Even though it is tough, and I have to balance STAR Programme, Council Board and class together, I believe that I can do it. It just takes time.
For the screwed grades so far? It's just a warm-up for me. I believe that I will be able to excel this year, just like last year. And I really need people's encouragement! So, do try to cheer me up and support me as much as you can. ^^

Also, I would like to say a big thank you to Huien.
She's really touched me today.
I feel very happy, and she's made my day.
Friends can really cheer you up.
To Huien dear:
Thanks for the chocolates. Thanks for the sweets. Thanks for the wishes. Thanks for you and me. Thanks for the balloons. Thanks for the hugs. You know that I'll always love you.

Valentine's Day isn't really all that about celebrating with a guy or a girl that you like/love. The main point is love here! So, I don't think that I'm being very lesbian here by confessing my love for Huien. :P Love is about showing care and concern for other people. It's about being grateful for the people around you that you really appreciate. It's a million and one things that you and I can't describe. A feeling that will always last within us, as long as we ever will live.
So, here's wishing everybody a Happy Valentine's Day and a Happy Chinese New Year.
I felt abit down today in training, because there isn't any half-day, but instead, there's training?! So yeah. I nearly died. Really. I had to stop halfway.
Because we had to finish all the 6-corner footwork in under 45 seconds. And I was really trying my best to run as fast as I can. But I still couldn't take all the shuttles. And I feel really bad? Because I was always the person holding down the rest. And I think it's because I really run too fast for my body to take it, and after like 10 over sets, my eyes started to blur and I couldn't breathe properly. I thought I was going to die for suffocation there. And even after half an hour, of rest and drinking water, I was still panting.
Urgh.
I feel so useless.
I feel so worthless!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Okays, this is the period of time when I really need encouragment! Please do. :/
And remember that I'll always love you guys.
And that I will post CNY pics (if there are any).

Luvzxc.
Estherrrry. :D

405.

2010-02-09T21:44:00.000+08:00

There are many imperfect things in life that we can't change.
So, instead of being all damn grumpy about it, and complaining till our mouths turn dry, we might as well choose to embrace it and face it positively!
There are 1001 ways to cool yourself down, to relax. There's no need to stress yourself over unneccessary things or people.
So it's okay if the whole world is against you. You are who you are, and you know that you can conquer anything. :)

I'm hereby encouraging everyone :D
I know that it's quite stressed now. Alot of things to cope with, and we will get even busier in the following months, because of streaming and stuffs.
So I know that it's important to receive encouragement, to know that there's always someone there for you, cos' it makes it a whole lot easier to handle the pressure. :)
You know, you'll always have a friend in meeeeeeeeeeeee!
Update on the week: I'm feeling abit pissed that we have to surrender all our belongings during PE class. I mean, hello?! Aren't our belongings like OUR RESPONSIBILITY, and that it's OUR CHOICE whether or not to surrender it? It's not like the school contributed to our belongings or something, so quit trying to "defend" us.
Okay, yes, I'm pissed, even though I told myself not to get pissed easily.
This is something that I shouldn't fret over.

And I just want to say that I've currently gotten over my obsession with flaws and imperfection. I mean, in the friendship-y kind.
No one is perfect, and so are your friends. You can't always expect them to act the way you want them to, and its not possible for them to. So, you just have to accept them for who they are. After all, they are your friends, the friends that you have chosen to go out and hang out with. So yeah.
I had a hard time learning this fact, and practising it. But I'm officially okay with that now.
And when I put this burden down, I realise that my friends really care for me, and that they really love me yo. :)
Love can't always be expressed in words, can it?
So you have to observe people for who they really are, and through the little teeny tiny bits of things that they do, especially for you, you can tell what kind of people they really are.
It's not so important for mutual trust anymore. Most importantly is the feeling that you have with your friends.
I think, as long as you have that feeling with your friends, everything will be there, and you don't need to do anything.
The trust? It will be there. The love? It will be there. The laughter? It will be there.
No matter what, you guys know that you will always be there for each other.
I think that it takes a long time to accept certain facts, and this is one of them, for me.
And I think that it's important for me as a person, to improve myself, and also to know my flaws.
I've learnt alot, and this is just a brief summary of the many little things that I have.

I don't want to think too much or rub stuff in any longer.
I'm happy where I am, and I don't want to change that fact.
Right now, I know for sure that, no matter what happens to me, and no matter what may happen, I will always have my friends to count on. Maybe not all the time, but most of the time, I have someone to count on and rely on, who will always look out for me.

Moving on to less depressing and serious stuff.
National Museum this Wednesday! And I'm excited ^^
I mean, it's so coolzxc. It's all about the Quest for Immortality in Egypt. I hope they will show the tombs and the jars that holds the intestines and such :)
Okay, I admit it, I have a rather sick mind.
Lol.
But I just think that everything is so coolzxc! And I'm gonna camwhore the whole way. Okay, well, most of the way.
Looking forward to this trip. I think that it's gonna raise my spirits. :D
Going with Diana! Weee~
Can spend more time with my goodfriend. Hehe.
Council duties! Yeap, although being in council is quite tiring, but I feel that it's worth it, for the experience and everything. And besides, I'm already used to leading a tough life. Council kinda helped me to broaden my vision in that sense, that made me see more clearly my strengths and weaknessess, and how other people lead. And I'm able to learn and absorb a lot. I feel very contented whenever I think of this, because the thought of having good school mates, seniors and batchmates makes me feel somewhat rather comforted. ^^
It's just these little things that make me thankful and grateful.
I feel like there's no need for all these revengeful vengeance and hatred anymore.
Okay, I feel like I'm acting like Confucious for this past post.
Lawls.
I'm also looking forward to watching Valentine's Day with DDR! I think that it's gonna be awesomezxc, because of the fact that BOTH TAYLOR SWIFT AND TAYLOR LAUTNER ARE IN THE MOVIE!
Weeeez~
(I don't really think that I feel left out anymore. Even though sometimes I see y'all two together, with me walking in front/behind with Trixie, I think that I'm okay with it, and I don't have that sour feeling anymore. And I finally don't regret making friends with Diana, no offence intended.)
Hahahahas. O:
Ohwells.
Now, dS is done with pissing me.
She is now pissing Huien.
I shall pray for Huien, that she'll be able to get out of dS's nagginess.
:)
Looking forward to this week, although today began with running and physical exercises. :/
Ohwells. Look out for my tweets. :D

God bless you all. :)

(PSPS. THIS WAS POSTED ON 8TH FEBRURARY 2010!)

404.

2010-02-03T21:31:00.002+08:00

Pissed, today.
This day goes down in history as Esther's pissed-est day of her entire life.
Seriously, I've been ranting on and on about this.
And I've cursed the person to go and eat chocolate cake.
The person still shameless did some things that made me want to stuff his/her face into the toilet bowl!
THEY SHOULD GO AND DO THAT THEMSELF.
Urgh!
Okay.
Calm.
Down.
Relax.
*breathes out*

Ohwells.
Today was a rather disappointing day.
But nevermind.
I was high, excited and extremely random yesterday.
And I shall not let my mood today affect my mood tomorrow, and the following day, and the following day etc etc...
Just because of that idiot.
I'm just here to update my dead blog, after a week plus of busy-ness and restless-ness.
Off to sleep now.
Damn tiredzxc.
Shall update again soon.
(And Jefferson is so pro at Photoshop! ><)
For more updates, check out my Twitter. :)

P.S.: Although 'C' Girls are already out of Zonals, after we lost to Swiss, but you guys are still awesome and fantastic people, and we should keep the spirit up, and continue to train and work harder!
(Also so that Coach won't keep screaming.)
Andand I'm happy that I won my singles match against Swiss, the only match that won.
Teehee.
Okays.

Byez.

403.

2010-01-30T13:09:00.005+08:00

HEARTBREAKSi thought the moments we spent and we shared together would be enough to make up for all the flaws,ANDeven though some part of me knew the outcome, that it wouldn't be what i expected,ROLEi thought that i could believe in you,PLAYSto count on you, to trust me enough and know me well enough and rely on me like how I do you. Abut obviously, I thought wrong, and trusted blindly, in you,LIEand you too. I'Mhow can a heart be expected to keep beating after being mangled time and time again,LIVINGespecially after being betrayed by those who know you best,ITi learnt from you, that love isn't right.

Sense of betrayal somehow washing through me.
Love, being squeezed out of its boundaries.
Heart, broken beyond repair.
You will always be the one of the best memories in my heart.
But also the one that hurts the most.
We'll always be together.
But somehow, our hearts don't know it.
Sooner or later, you will do something to hurt me again.
I don't want to know it anymore.
I'd rather give up and be known as a loser.
It's time to move on for me.
Its official.
I'm giving up on you.
I won't care anymore.
I know you won't cry. Neither will you care.
Giving up is the best option then.

402.

2010-01-29T16:10:00.001+08:00

Ohoh, and also.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUI LIN!
Stay pretty and cheerful, always.
:)

401

2010-01-29T15:55:00.003+08:00

I'm back from camp!
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I'm glad that I'm back.
I didn't enjoy camp.
The only perks were the food and the cheers and the campfire.
Besides that, everything was like shits.
Especially the part when I discovered that I really hate _________________.
And also the showering part? And also the sleeping part.

I HAD TO WAIT FOR TWENTY DAMN MINUTES, AND I STILL DIDN'T GET TO SHOWER. ON TOP OF THAT, I GOT SCOLDED BY ANOTHER GROUP'S FACILITATOR.
SERIOUSLY! HOW IS IT MY FREAKING FAULT THAT PEOPLE TAKE THEIR OWN SWEET TIME TO SHOWER ON?!
AND THEY BLAME US FOR BEING SLOW! SERIOUSLY! I TOOK LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES TO SHOWER OKAY?!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
They should get the facts right before criticising anybody! Seriously!

The tent was so damn hot! Then in the morning we would find our sleeping bags wet and the floor of the tent wet too.
Argh.

Besides that, I gained 2 blisters on my two feet thanks to the expedition yesterday, which really made me pissed and upset.
I don't really want to talk about it.
We walked like 10 over km. We're all dead tired.
Okay.
So, progressing on.
Campfire was fun!
Probably the part where I enjoyed myself the most.
But it was also the day when alot of people fell sick.
Jianhui had sore eyes, and went home on the first day already, which made him illegible for Nyaa Bronze.
Too bad.
Apurva and Zhenwei also went back.
Sore eyes.
Tsk.
Then Jiashen and Derrick got fever.
What a jinx our class is.
Sighs.

This camp wasn't really very enjoyable.
Also cos of the fact that we have to write reflections everyday.
Brain exhausted already.
And we sleep very late, waking up at like 5 plus 6 plus when the rooster crows.
I promise, it'll be the last time that I'm going to Jurong Bird Park.
I've had enough.
The birds were kinda irritating too.
(Okay, yeah, but they're quite cute sometimes! Hehe.)
Ohwells.
I don't want to blog about unhappy things anymore.
Byez.

400.

2010-01-20T20:40:00.002+08:00

Argh, am damn fed up with thinking of post titles all the time. So I'll just replace it with the post number from now on.

Ohwells.
Coming to an end of the third week of school.
I seriously feel like knocking my head against the wall already.
There's so much more homework and things to take in.
I guess that it's expected? Since it's our second year, and streaming also.
It's an important and crucial year, no?
It's hard to persevere with everything else that we have: cca and extra lessons and talent development programmes.
I'm trying my hardest to find a balance between everything now.
Because I know that if I can't or don't, I might just lose everything that I've worked so hard for last year.
Come to think of it, I don't really remember much of last year already, just that everything was really very rush.

Today's assembly was more camp stuff, including a change of camp venue.
From Dairy Farm to Jurong Bird Park? And the tchers will be sleeping in an air-conditioned room where they can see penguins?
No offence, but I find it quite funny. Imagine waking up in the night, wanting to go to the toilet, and you get frightened by a penguin.
Hahahahas O:

So, back to the main point.
Yeah, secondary school life's really stressful, but we all have our different ways of expelling the stress out or expressing it out.
Like for boys, they'll most prolly play soccer most of the time whenever they can.
Girls just go bimbo and gossip the whole day, prolly feeling better about talking bad about someone.
Ohwells.
Isn't that school life.
Seriously big transition, come to think of it now.
I learnt more swear words in secondary school.
(Of course, I don't use the more serious ones.)
And I learnt and developed alot. Secondary school really makes you independent.
At the same time, you'll find out who your true friends are, and what kinds of people make up this world.
True friends are always there for you no matter what happens, and won't mind being crazy with you. :D

Tomorrow have competition.
I'm really worried and nervous.
Sighs.
It's going to be a challenge on my fitness.
I can't imagine how I'm going to run and run and run in the court, trying to hit all the way to the back for at least 2 games.
And then my hand's gna tremble, resulting in a bad service.
Urgh.
Okay, I have to think positively.
I'm getting really depressed and pessimistic now.
Hopefully, C Girls can get through to the next round to prove to the school that we don't deserve to be cancelled.
It's like our last shot already.
Sighs.
Okay, jiayou to everyone for tomorrow's competition! I want to slack around and maybe watch New Moon now. :P
(Btw, do you know that there was this guy in London who got arrested because he tweeted-threatened to bomb an airport or something? So people, careful of what you tweet. :/)

Luvzxc, ♥

Ai Bu Dan Xing

2010-01-18T18:42:00.002+08:00

Luvzxc from Estherzxc :D
Dear all. I've come to post, yet again.
Just bored, y'know. O:
Andand. Here to blog about some interesting *scrathes chin* stuffs about today.
Monday! Lessons start at 8.50. They changed it to a 20-minute block lesson kind of thing, and we're so lost. :/
So the first period was IT.
Mr Nicko asked us to finish all our IT Projects by today.
But, luckily for us, we've already finished ours, so we slacked the whole time. :D
Almost all of the girls (except those few) kept tweeting non-stop, people like..
1. Farha,
2. Huien,
3. Xiuqi,
4. Katherine,
5. Olivia,
6. Carissa.

IT WAS SO DAMN AWESOMEZXC AND COOLZXC!! :D
Hehe.
Made Diana want to have Twitter.
Yay ^^
Mr Nicko was like damn lost, because I was shouting across the room asking about tweets.
HAHAHAHAS.
Okay, enough of being the bad girl.
There's a science test coming up.
And e-learning day which is on Thursday.
(Woots. Slack day. No PE and NYAA for this week! Weeeee~)
And there's damn bloody math Indices.
(I really want to ask the trainee tcher to eat chocolate cake.)
Went back to class late today, which was like only 2 or 3 minutes and got scolded by Her Highness.
Bleahs.
I had to eat double to fill my stomach during Common Test slot okay!
Hello, Common Test takes up our lunch time.
What if I faint during Ct? Then dunnid to take liao?
Zzz.
Okay, I feel like I'm venting all my anger here.
Shall do my overdue quiz that I promised Antoinette to do.
:D

1. Real name: Esther Chong :)
2. Nickname: Donut, Chongbo, Esthy, though my favourite's Estherrrrrrr ~ :D
3. Birthday: TWELTH OF APRIL !
4. Zodiac sign: Ariessss.
5. Male or female: Female.
6. Elementary: CHIJ Our Lady Queen of Peace. *ten thumbs up, though I don't have ten thumbs.*
7. Middle School: Commonwealth.
8. University: Aiming for... (uh, what am I aiming for?)
9. Best friends: SiKai! Lijun! Antoinette! Kimberly! Karlann! Ruilin! Diana! Trixie!
(Yeah, I have very little friends okay?!)
10. Hair Colour: Black.
11. Long or short hair: Half half? *shrugs*
12. Loud or quiet: Yeap, depends. If I'm troubled, irritated or angered, im quiet. But most of the time its LOUD. AND RED. :D
13. Sweats or jeans: JEANS.
14. Phone or camera: I could never survive without my phone. :)
15. Health freak: Not much. But I'd bet that Diana would say I was.
16. Drink or smoke: Eww.
17. Do you have a crush on someone: Nah.
18. Eat or drink: I pretty much can't survive without either.
19. Piercings: I got my new earrings ytd. :D
20. Tattoos: Nopee.
First,
21. Surgery: Not that I know of.
22. Piercing: K2 :)
23. Bestfriend: Lee Si Kai!
24. Award: If you count completing my nursery education...?
25. Vacation: Always... Malaysia. *sobs*
26. Sports: Hmmm. If you count PE.
27. Crush: Nah.
28. Pet: Never had one. OH! Mealwormmm! I remember I named mine Junior and Senior. Lawls.
29. Big birthday: My birthday was never a big event. But, maybe my first? Cos it's important tradition. :D
Currently,
30. Eating: Nope. I'm fat and not supposed to be snacking.
31. Drinking: Urgh, I'm dehydrated.
32. I'm about to: Finish this quiz (hopefully) and do my math revision / homework.
33. Listening to: The 6.30 news on Channel 8.
34. Plans for today: STUDY. SLACK. DO HOMEWORK. SLACK. SLEEP. SMS.
35. Waiting for: For my secondary school friends to know me better and us to get closer. :)
Future,
36. Want kids: I'm planning on 3. (It will be utter chaos and havoc, I will assure you.)
37. Want to get married: Yupps yupps.
38. Whose your love: *shakes head*
39. Careers in mind: Only one -- Lawyerrrr :)
Which is better,
40. Lips or eyes: Eyes.
41. Shorter of taller: (As tall as Jianhui)
42. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous. I like a more active and initiave person.
43. Nice stomach or arms: Arms. Can protect meee!
44. Sensitive or loud : Sensitive.
45. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. Obviously.
46. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitant.
Have you ever,
47. Lost glasses or contacts: Don't have either.
48. Ran away from home: Hey! I'm a good girl okay? :P
49. Sniff gum or smoke: Chhhhhhhhh.
50. Killed someone: Yupp. Myself.
51. Broke someone's heart: Maybe..? Ask them.
52. Been arrested: Nope.
53. Cried when someone died: Hmmmm. Never encountered anyone close to me dying.
*touchwood*
You believe in,
54. Yourself: Sometimes.
55. Miracles: Nope, not really. I believe more in relying on myself.
56. Love at first sight: Hmmmm. Yes and no. Because love takes time to nurture?
57. Heaven: Yesh yesh.
58. Santa Claus: Nahh. They're just fat old men in constumes with beards trying to please people and when kids grow up, they just burst their bubble. Zzz.
59. Male nipples: 0.0
60. Kiss on first date: Idk. Does it depends?
Answer truthfully,
61. Is there one person you want to be with right now: Err.. myself? Lawls.
62. Are you seriously happy in where you're in life now: Not really, even though I should be contented.
63. Do you believe in God: I'm His child, and my faith will never waver. :)
64. Tag 15 peoples:

1. DDR!
2. Li Jun!
3. Xiuqi!
4. Xinyi!
5. Huien!
6. Farha!
7. You.
8. Him.
9. Her.
10. Whoever.
11. Friend.
12. Whatever.
13. Don't really mind.
14. Don't really care.
15. Haiz, suibian.

Are you single? Single and UNAVAILABLE. :D

What is your favorite number? Sevennnnn!

What is your favorite color? I'm cool with black, white, purple, red and pink. :D

Least favorite color? Green. *vomits*

What are you listening to? Tv show currently playing on channel 8.

Are you happy with your life right now? Not really. Mostly. But there are somethings that can be better. :)

Are you involved with anyone? No?

What is your favorite subject in school/ college? Languages. :)

Do you have money? Nopee. I'm a useless person who doesn't earn money.

Would you take an ex back? Not usually. (I think.)

Are you outgoing? Idk. Maybe?

Are you gay? Lol, no.

Where do you wish you were right now? Meeting Zhou Gong in Zhou-land.

What should you be doing right now? Doing homework and revising. :/

THE CANS:

Can you blow a bubble? Yesh.

LOLCan you do a cart wheel? Nope.

Can you touch your toes? Yay ^^

Can you wiggle your ears? Nah.

Can you touch your tongue to your nose? Yeap. (Note: only if i push my nose down.)

THE DIDS:

Did you ever want to be a doctor? Nah. Im no good in science. I'd faint.

Did you ever want to be a fire fighter? Ewww.

Did you ever want to be a teacher? NOOOOOOOOOOO. Its the death of all joy.

Did you ever break the law? Yes if you consider jaywalking. Hehe.

Did you vote for Bush? One, I don't live in America. Two, I'm underage to vote for anyone.

THE DOs:

Do you like rollercoasters? Never went on one before.

Do you own a bike? A TRICYCLE. :D

Do you play the lotto? Huh?

Do you like football? NOT ON MY DEATHBED.

Do you have a shopping addiction? Sometimes if I'm in the mood. :D

Okay, thats all that I have for today.
And Raelynn, you'd better tag me.
:@
Okay, byez with luvzxc from Estherzxc. :D

You can never say never.

2010-01-16T21:19:00.004+08:00

My official life motto is;
Behappy! No matter what happens, face it with a smile.

I've learnt that if you smile more, you'll look friendlier.
Somehow, I feel that I've gotten abit quieter this year.
I don't shoot my mouth off at every emotion I get.
I'm trying to be nicer to people this year, especially to those that I really love.
But sometimes, it's too hard to keep to.
I try being nice to people I don't like as much as others, but they bring me to such frustration that I feel like biting their heads off, even though I reply politely to them.
There are alot of things in life that I should really be thankful for, especially my family and my friends, the first people to be always there for me, no matter what happens.
So, I'm not gonna let you down.
I'm gonna continue to work hard: for my studies, and for smiling more.
And for staying positive.

Smile! (;

I can't help it if you don't like it.

2010-01-14T20:22:00.002+08:00

Gosh.
It's only like the second week of school, and I'm already feeling very sian.
I've had enough of school!
And I'm seriously slacking.
The December Holidays have seriously gotten to me.
*slaps face*
Wake up!
This is an important year mans.

Since this is an important year filled with stress and pressure, I must stay positive and always look on the bright side of lifeeee~
Alot of major things happening in my life now. Am terribly busy nowadays.

#1. Student Councillor Interview is tomorrow.

#2. STAR Programme's Proposal for Nexus Grant.

#3. Class Deco.

#4. Training tomorrow at Chestnut Drive. I'll be going back to IJ.

Zzzz.
Great way to end the week.
Feeling very tired, exhausted and lethargic already.
Whole body aches from top to bottom.
And I really can't be bothered to prepare for the interview, because I'm actually supposed to revise my indices now. :/
Also. I seriously can't be bothered to blog anymore.
Because I'm busy. And next, I can't find any inspiration. So ohwells.
If you're really interested to know what I'm doing, just read my tweets. :)
Ah, I need help with indices.
D:

Sighs.
Just hope that I can survive past tomorrow.
Oh wait. There's one a half hours of cathechism on Sunday.
SIGHS.
Malfunction-ing already.
Oh crap.

Oh Way-oh.

2010-01-11T21:16:00.004+08:00

If I could, I would, run away, with you.

I don't know why.
I've been feeling kindof sad recently.
Is it because of the fact that I know that I have no one but myself in school?
Is it because of the fact that I feel like crying every 5 minutes or so?
Is it because of the fact that I know that I'm separated from everyone I love?

I'm really upset.
Without even knowing any reason.
I seriously need some motivation to keep me through the day.
I can't keep my will strong now.
I can't settle down to do my work.
The worst part of everything is, I don't know what I need or want to do now.
I'm starting to find no meaning in life.
I've no friends.
As you grow older, you start to see wider, and clearer, how the world is; its size and people.
You'll realise how superficial the world is.
You'll realise how people don't really care.
Even though they don't really realise it at first, and you've told them, or at least tried to tell them.
They still act the same way even after all that talking, and after all the "trust" they've put in you and you in them.
Even though they don't know.
Even though they don't realise.
It hurts.

It really does.

Have they thought about it in my shoes?

I'm starting to think that we're all deceiving ourselves.
Deceiving ourselves into thinking that we're gonna work out.
Deceiving ourselves that it'll be okay.
Deceiving ourselves that it's okay to hurt one instead of everybody else.
I feel like a sacrificial item here.
Sometimes, I think, is it better to just end it, rather than have everybody keep worrying.
No, wrong, they won't even worry.
Is it my fault?
I feel troubled, and troublesome.
I'm always the person with alot of troubles and difficulties.
I'm always the extra person.
I'm always the person who doesn't fit in.
Maybe I should just leave, and make everybody else's lives easier to live.
It's better without me, isn't it?
I'm starting to think that I really can't do this and make it work anymore.
I've come such a long way; so far.
In the end, it still has to end this way.
What's the point of trying in the first place, then.
Sometimes we really have to accept facts for what they are, and we see it.
We can't just ignore it.
I feel really bad.
Maybe y'all should just give me some space, or try to care for me more.
Make me feel better and welcome.
I know it's prolly asking alot.
I understand if you don't want to.
After all, I've just been invisible around.

Even though I try not to think about it, it still hurts.
No matter how much I try, no matter how much I try to cheer myself up, no matter how much I tell myself I deserve to be happy, I need to pull myself together, it still matters to me how the truth is.
I'm starting to think that I'm having a mental breakdown.
The only thing to be happy about is that I survived the first week of school.
But barely.
Most of the time, I felt like I was suffocating, and about to stop short of breathing.
It's hard to find a meaning and goal in life now.
I know now.

Unlike your face.

2010-01-08T15:25:00.002+08:00

"忽略是个我常看到的字眼。
孤单生活总是缺那一点光彩。
朋友到头来，还不是一个空虚？
就是这里
自己开始疑问生命的价值。
到底谁对谁错？"

I tried.
I really did.
It worked.
For awhile.
Then we hit back to square negative one.
I'd known all the while that we weren't really friends.
But somehow, I'd convinced myself that we were.
That we'd really be there for each other.
That we'd brave storms together.
That no matter what happens we'd be in it together.
Even though I knew that I was in an illusion; my little bubble.
But when I tried, and when it worked, I started to see what we really were.
And recognised friends for who they really are.
True friends, are they always there for you? Do they really know you for who they are?
I don't want to think of it anymore.
It always breaks my heart to.
It always makes my tears drop unwillingly.
It always hurts me to know that we aren't wheat we said we were.

Russian roulette is not the same without a gun

2010-01-05T20:21:00.002+08:00

Aw, damn tired today.
S1 Orientation was really fun, though.
This year's S1 batch is really nerdy. But still, we managed to get them to scream to shout and to be high after the first few hours, or maybe after the first day.
Especially my OG. They were all jumping like crazy, and running around here and there.
Azlin and I were like, wth???
So we were also very tired, because we had to follow them around.
And believe it or not, they said that they weren't tired. -.-
Haiyo!
But overall, Orientation has more pros than cons. :)
And congrats Nicole Lim for getting the role of chairman in her class. ^^

Okay, I don't really want to talk about Orientation anymore.
Seriously very lazy.
Just know that the juniors seriously bullied me!
Just cos I'm not fierce doesn't mean I can't be.
Hmphs!
Okay, I guess they should bully me more.
It just shows that I'm a really nice person to get along with.
Hahahas.
Anw, just know that if you guys need any help or what, feel free to talk to me, or ask me stuff. I'm always here for you guys. :)

TIred.
Bye.

For you, Antoinette!

2010-01-04T20:22:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Antoinette!!
I love you loads.
Have loads of fun, hope you enjoy your birthday. :)
Cheer up!!
Jiayouuuu!!
Love you forever!!

Trying to reach out for you

2010-01-02T20:02:00.003+08:00

Today is the second day of twentyten.
Should we be happy?
The answer is no. Why?

Studied with Dajie for six and a half hours today. Sat on the library floor until our butt hurt, and looked at textbooks and assessment books until our heads hurt.

School's opening in 2 days' time.

Nobody is celebrating the end of this holiday with a bang, to make it seem more boomz in my memory.

Just a few of the reasons.
I feel like I haven't done anything this holiday except going out.
Which is the case.
But somehow I didn't realise it and didn't really care until this weekend. When I realised the reality of how soon school's reopening.

I'm really inspired by the post in my senior's blog.
Her resolutions, regrets and good things that happened to her the last year.
(Zomg, it feels really weird to call 2009 last year.)
And also, Farha's tweet about herself reading my blog like everyday is really touching, and I'd also like to dedicate this post to her and her tweet. :)

So, I'm going to do the same!
(Aren't I brilliant?? :D)
Okay, even though I've stated my resolutions, but I'm going to furthur update it. And change stuff also.
(;

Resolutions:-

- Be more mature and wise in my thinking.

- Think before I speak.

- Eat less and work more.

- Make more friends, and be more sociable and friendly.

- Use less money and save more.

- Spare a thought for others' feelings before I do anything, especially when arranging events.

- Be more quick-witted.

- Be more dilligent and hardworking, and do better in my studies.
(Try to get top in level!)

- Be more active in class and in school.

- Make friends with at least half of the boys in class.
(Although I am VERY reluctant to.)

- Try to accept others' decisions and opinions and feelings, even though I may not like it very much.

- Talk back less to my parents.

- Be more thoughtful, and make better presents for others'. :D

- Don't think too much about the deep facts of life; instead, concentrate on how I feel! :)

- Try to make a change in others' lives, and create a deep impression of myself on them.

- Be less lazy.

Regrets:-

- Not appealing to Crescent.
(Okay, sometimes.)

- Not being more bubbly and trying to make friends with the guys in class.

- Letting myself be ordered around.

- Not standing up and speaking out what I really think.

- Upsetting family members'.

- Not being neat in schoolwork.

- Not bothering about stuff that is really important.

- Neglecting family.
(Sometimes.)

Good stuff:-

- Joining badminton really made me realise how it felt like to be in a team, and how it felt like to have team spirit. :)

- Getting to know some excellent people, especially my clique. (AND DAJIE! ^^)

- Got closer (again) to Sikai because of problems I encountered.

- Learnt alot about writing good notes and having good handwriting.

- Lost 4kg :D

- Chosen to participate in S1 Orientation! :D

- Got to make friends with some of the guys in Cathechism class, and they're great. :)

- Pocket money increased. :D

- Stamina increased.

- Motivation to do better.

- New appreciation for IJ due to Commonwealth.

- iTunes Music Library sorted out.

- KAKE. :)

That's all.
Actually, alot of good stuff started with Dajie.
(Whoever that's reading this, please don't get jealous.)
Because Dajie's always giving me good quality advice ^^
She knows crazy stuffs bout me.
Even though I usually get very pissed with her and her stubborn-ness.
But she's my good friend. :)

Okay, there.
I posted on the second day of 2010.

Yay! ^^
-
-
-

(I left footprints here.)

How many tears you let hit the floor

2010-01-01T16:58:00.006+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR (again & officially) ! :P

Hehe.
Okay, I felt that it'll be very classic to post on the first day of the new year, 2010.
Hope that 2010 will be more awesome, and even better than 2009. :D
-
-
-
Even though I was hoping that 2010 would be an awesome one, but it got off to a pretty rough start... literally.
My whole family was doing housekeeping, and we were all stickysmellydisgustingtiredz!
Aww mans. We were all like so damn exhausted.
Threw about half of the house away, due to excessive rubbish located around.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

After that, I'm just slacking around, whiling time away.
Seriously, this is a very good start.
*sacarstically*
Yeah right.

Looking forward to tomorrow.
Going to study from 10-6 with Dajie.
I really need the study time.
Have been slacking alot this holiday, and I only touched my books once.
Still figuring what to bring tomorrow.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh.
I feel like screaming my lungs out lah.

But I feel happy and satisfied, because I just:

Downloaded One Less Lonely Girl by Justin Bieber

Updated my iTunes Library to all the songs that I listen to, after 5204582034890789375687981720974857935867 decades. :/

Okay, thats all for today I guess.
(Actually I just want to gloat about settling my iTunes Library. HAHAS.)
Have a happy new year!
(Rock on, 2010.)

Love you guys (;

End of 2009!

2009-12-31T20:45:00.001+08:00

Awwww.
I feel sooooooooooooo sad!!
Today is the last day of 2009.
I can't bear for it to leave!! This year has been one of the best years for me, and I've learnt alot from people I've met this year.
I hope that next year will be an even more exciting year: hanging and going out with cliques and chionging studies with cliques. :)
I seriously can't bear for this year to end. :'(
I'm still not ready to go back to school next year!!!
Zomg.
Next Monday...
I think im losing confidence in myself mans. I don't hve any confidence in myself and school.
Oh tian.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Maybe after a few weeks of school I'll get used to school life again, especially after S1 Orientation!
Yupp. Hope so.
Happy New Year everyone :)
See you guys on Monday.
Hehe.

Rar rar ooh la la ~

2009-12-29T22:10:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the super high post previously :/
I was too excited that Sikai was back. (;
Am still waiting for Antoinette dearest to be back. She's supposed to be back today. :'(

Okay, shall post my new year resolutions, considering that I may not be posting soon.
This is Diana-inspired, as we were talking about our secrets just now. Hehe.

!# Be more mature, wise, and aloof.

2# Learn and know when to behave appropriately at appropriate times.

3# Cut down on hurting words, and be less sacarstic.

4# Think of others' feelings and thoughts more, and spare more thoughts for them.

5# Be more friendly and approahable, especially to juniors and friends.

Okayyyy~ I'm about done.
Hehe.
I've got nothing to post about already, so.

HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE PEOPLE!
:)

Just pull the trigger.

2009-12-29T21:22:00.003+08:00

ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMGGGG!

SI KAI IS BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yes, training was absolutely tiring.
Nothing.

Merry Christmas. (:

2009-12-26T10:53:00.002+08:00

MERRY (belated) CHRISTMAS READERS & FRIENDS! (:

I wanted to post merry christmas on the day itself, but ohwells.
I went out early and came home late :/
Didn't really take much picutres yesterday. Was too busy playing Mario on Wii. :P

Went to grandmother's house first, and I only received 2 angbaos. No one gave me any present D:
So just hung around there till 12 to follow sister to her friend's house for partyyyyyy. ^^
I'm glad that I went. It was fun. (:
Helped to make the greentea cocktail thing by slicing the peaches (:
Pasta for dinner was great! Hehe.
After dinner just played Mario on Wii. And Wii Sports. Hand super tired from the boxing. Zzz.
Okay, enough of crapping.

Happy Birthday Lord Jesus (:

Went for Midnight Mass.
I was quite fed up with the Youth Ministry on Thursday night, actually.
The pageant was completely lame and singapore-ish. It isn't at all what it was supposed to be. -.-
Although it was funny.
And they delayed it by a few minutes because they couldn't get the Powerpoint 03 version to read their 07 version.
And they didn't know how to fix it. I felt like slamming the solution in their face. Urgh.
But Mass was great.
It was the first time that I didn't feel like rushing home or sleeping.
In fact, I was enjoying the Mass. Lol. Thats new!
Ohwells.

I miss Sikai.
Sighs.

Lol. Okay, i have no idea what to blog about anymore.
Hope everyone enjoyed/is enjoying their Christmas. (: