Long time no see, my dear blog.
Well, it's been a very long one month. A month full of events, and full of happenings.
Too many things have been happening around me that have hurt me both emotionally and physically.
While I'm caught up trying to understand what exactly it is that is going on around me, I'm also trying my best to stand up on my own two feet again. It's hard, but at the same time, I also discover who my true friends are.
That's a plus, I guess.
Those are the friends who stood by me in my worst times and made me feel much better about myself.
When the whole world - yes even my family members - thought the worst of me, and hurt me with their words, it was these people who helped to pull me back up to the world, and to reality, before I got sucked into the endless black hole.
For that, I am extremely grateful to God for sending these people to me, to ensure that I don't fall off the wrong way and end up hurting myself.
Also,
I HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED SINCE 26TH NOVEMBER 2011, 7.30PM! :)
The blessing of Confirmation has sent me into a spiral spin of countless joys and laughters.
The awakening of the Holy Spirit within me is SUCH a good feeling, so much so that it is indescribable. All I can say is that it's a sensational feeling, and it lingers within me. Especially with the smell of the chrism oil still on my forehead...
Also, I have to thank God for showering so many blessings on me.
I really felt the true meaning and spirit of friendship during Confirmation..
I've gotten so much closer with my church friends, especially my fellow Confirmands..
I'm just really glad that we're all finally Confirmed Catholics, ready to step in to church as adults to serve God and His church. ^^
Now, through all these emotional setbacks, heartache and trauma, I've learnt to be keep a thankful and grateful heart to God, who has done many things for us. Trust in Him, and don't worry too much about what life brings. Just do your best in everything. Especially when it comes to God. :)
I'm much better now. The past week has been absolutely torture, I've cried endless of times. But it's all worth it, cos at the end, everything works out.
Twitter Updates
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
487 - Disappointment.
Being a secondary 3 student, I guess I've experienced the worst 'down's of my life, and today has been the day which really blew me off my course.
I've worked really really hard for my End-of-Years.
And I sacrificed so much just to fight for that one little improvement that will really make my day.
And I really thought that my hard work will bear fruit and yield the results that I deserve.
But today, receiving back my Social Studies, EMath, Geography, Chinese and AMath paper was such a bomb.
I failed my Geog and AMath.. Those were the 2 subjects that I least thought of failing.
In addition, my Chinese was the subject that I was really worried about because my results were fluctuating and I never know what's up with my Chinese paper.
All the teachers are so disappointed in me.. So much pressure that I have to face and so many expectations, regardless of of self or of others, that I have to live up to.
I can't believe that I messed up the 45% of my grades. I can't believe that I failed.
I really cannot accept the truth that despite my setting of the goal to pass all of my 8 subjects, I didn't manage to, even though I worked tirelessly towards it.
I've put in so much, but nothing came out as a result of it.
Instead, I get what I least want.
The tension is so great now..
And I really dread school. I really find that everything is meaningless. Trying my best to cheer myself up and to encourage myself. But I'm still reeling from the disappointment.. I can't seem to stand back up on my feet again.
Plus, I'm having so many relationship problems caused by so many misunderstandings..
People are ignoring me in school.
"I saw you today in school, during lessons. Twice, in fact. Everytime our eyes locked their gazes on each other. You stared at me, and I stared back. But why won't you say hi? Why won't you give me a smile and assure me that our friendship still exists? I don't know how you feel about it, but I am still trying to convince myself that we we have shared and what we share isn't a dream because you seem too good to be true.
All I know is that you were there for me and you were my pillar of support in my weakest times. You were beyond what I ever imagined, and you really made me feel cherished. Why doesn't it seem to be that way anymore?"
Myriad of feelings, unexpressable yet so clear and direct.
I'm left speechless.
I've worked really really hard for my End-of-Years.
And I sacrificed so much just to fight for that one little improvement that will really make my day.
And I really thought that my hard work will bear fruit and yield the results that I deserve.
But today, receiving back my Social Studies, EMath, Geography, Chinese and AMath paper was such a bomb.
I failed my Geog and AMath.. Those were the 2 subjects that I least thought of failing.
In addition, my Chinese was the subject that I was really worried about because my results were fluctuating and I never know what's up with my Chinese paper.
All the teachers are so disappointed in me.. So much pressure that I have to face and so many expectations, regardless of of self or of others, that I have to live up to.
I can't believe that I messed up the 45% of my grades. I can't believe that I failed.
I really cannot accept the truth that despite my setting of the goal to pass all of my 8 subjects, I didn't manage to, even though I worked tirelessly towards it.
I've put in so much, but nothing came out as a result of it.
Instead, I get what I least want.
The tension is so great now..
And I really dread school. I really find that everything is meaningless. Trying my best to cheer myself up and to encourage myself. But I'm still reeling from the disappointment.. I can't seem to stand back up on my feet again.
Plus, I'm having so many relationship problems caused by so many misunderstandings..
People are ignoring me in school.
"I saw you today in school, during lessons. Twice, in fact. Everytime our eyes locked their gazes on each other. You stared at me, and I stared back. But why won't you say hi? Why won't you give me a smile and assure me that our friendship still exists? I don't know how you feel about it, but I am still trying to convince myself that we we have shared and what we share isn't a dream because you seem too good to be true.
All I know is that you were there for me and you were my pillar of support in my weakest times. You were beyond what I ever imagined, and you really made me feel cherished. Why doesn't it seem to be that way anymore?"
Myriad of feelings, unexpressable yet so clear and direct.
I'm left speechless.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
486.
I seem to have a lot of things I wanna post, when I'm all alone and doing some self-reflection. But now, when I'm sitting behind a desk and a computer, I can't find a topic to start on my innermost thoughts.
Well, for one, I find that love is a very powerful thing to have.
The love you show for others, and the love that you get from others, is irreplaceable, and is a magical experience.
Love can change all, and can create new histories.
You would never know when you'd be hit by love.
And I'm not just talking about love between two people of different genders; I'm talking about the love amongst a family, and between friends. There were so many heartfelt times when I felt so touched because of the deep and pure love I felt from a close friend, and when my family did some acts that made my eyes dry.
However, there are always two sides to every story, and it has its ups and downs.
Tear - to cry, or to feel hurt and pain inside? The word has both meanings.
It's a reminder that the people you love most, and who mean the most to you, can make you, or break you.
It's a sound reminder that no matter how sunny it's been, a storm will always brew, and hit us one day.
It's fatal, especially in our most vulnerable moments.
When you try so hard, you suffer a harsher defeat when your loved ones bring you down, and call you names.
This is the irreversible hurt that you will feel.
And it's how I feel right now.
Because I'm still finding it hard to believe that my family members can succeed in hurting my feelings and hurting me three times in a day.
And I'm crying and tearing up inside.
But I can't stop it. I just have to let it flow and release it all out.
I know that my true destination is with God, and in Heaven, and it's no point getting upset and too torn up about trivial matters that do matter to me, because this is just something I have to go through before I go to God.
Confirmation in 3 months and 13 days' time.
Excited, anticipating and worried all at the same time.
Can't wait to be confirmed, but at the same time, worried for all the others in my class who isn't sharing those warm fuzzy feelings about confirmation with me, and for myself, whether I can live to serve God and His community and spread His word.
But I know God will empower me, and He will live in me, because he is my Father, and I am His child.
Hopefully I'll get through this month and the rest of the year peacefully.
Well, for one, I find that love is a very powerful thing to have.
The love you show for others, and the love that you get from others, is irreplaceable, and is a magical experience.
Love can change all, and can create new histories.
You would never know when you'd be hit by love.
And I'm not just talking about love between two people of different genders; I'm talking about the love amongst a family, and between friends. There were so many heartfelt times when I felt so touched because of the deep and pure love I felt from a close friend, and when my family did some acts that made my eyes dry.
However, there are always two sides to every story, and it has its ups and downs.
Tear - to cry, or to feel hurt and pain inside? The word has both meanings.
It's a reminder that the people you love most, and who mean the most to you, can make you, or break you.
It's a sound reminder that no matter how sunny it's been, a storm will always brew, and hit us one day.
It's fatal, especially in our most vulnerable moments.
When you try so hard, you suffer a harsher defeat when your loved ones bring you down, and call you names.
This is the irreversible hurt that you will feel.
And it's how I feel right now.
Because I'm still finding it hard to believe that my family members can succeed in hurting my feelings and hurting me three times in a day.
And I'm crying and tearing up inside.
But I can't stop it. I just have to let it flow and release it all out.
I know that my true destination is with God, and in Heaven, and it's no point getting upset and too torn up about trivial matters that do matter to me, because this is just something I have to go through before I go to God.
Confirmation in 3 months and 13 days' time.
Excited, anticipating and worried all at the same time.
Can't wait to be confirmed, but at the same time, worried for all the others in my class who isn't sharing those warm fuzzy feelings about confirmation with me, and for myself, whether I can live to serve God and His community and spread His word.
But I know God will empower me, and He will live in me, because he is my Father, and I am His child.
Hopefully I'll get through this month and the rest of the year peacefully.
Monday, June 27, 2011
485. - Sweet, or sour?
I've been doing a lot of reflections lately. Especially since after attending OBS, I've realized how important it is to be a good leader cos everyone looks up to you.
I've known that about being a leader since I was young. But it just didn't feel so strong in me till now. I guess I haven't exactly given it much thought. I just took it for granted and accepted that I was a good leader. But now, after going through OBS and really experiencing how it feels like to be involved so intimately with others, planning for our expeditions and all, I've come to realize how important it is for us to be good leaders.
It's also made me much more aware of my own flaws. I can see myself much clearly now, and there are so many times when I really feel so useless because of those flaws. Yes, I'm proud and all that and about being 'Born This Way', but when trials and tribulations come, it's really a test of how strong you are. Not just physically, but mentally and psychologically too. Those flaws are parts of myself that I would very much like to change.
By flaws, I mean character and personality flaws, and not physical features flaws.
Like take for example. I know very well, since day 1, that I am a very indecisive leader.
I often let stronger leaders take over, and tend to be swayed very easily when I meet such situations where a stronger leader is in charge, though I have my own opinion and stand in my heart. I'm just afraid to say it out loud.
Another flaw - I'm hesitant.
I don't really take initiative, though I really know when I should and when I shouldn't. Often more than not, I always wait before taking action. This is really a huge flaw about myself that I'd like to change. But it's a seriously huge barrier that's blocking my way, and I can't remove it.
It's just made me think if I have any common sense in me. I mean, if I know I should do something, then why aren't I doing it?
One of the many many many things that questions my own character, though I'm positive that I was brought up the right way, in the right character.
I also admit that I'm very judgmental. Though I always tweet and say that we all shouldn't judge, and that I hate it when people judge, and that I don't like to judge, yes, I do judge. Most of the time, I judge people based on first impressions or based on my interactions with them. Which may not be right, I know, because I won't know the person well. But it's human nature to naturally jump to conclusions and to judge people based on what they think and what their view of the world is. I just have a stronger sense of judgement than others. I meant that in a bad way.
I hate that about me too.
I hate how I always do things I say I hate, but I still do it anyways. It's like I can't control how I feel and how I act around people.
I'm always assuming things and being too pessimistic all the time.
I know I get arrogant and proud sometimes too. Trust me, I know it as well as others do. That's the reason why everyone doesn't like me right? I'm concerned of how others see me. But I don't really care how I see people. That's really bad.
Well, this is a really huge confession.
All these flaws are one of the reasons why I choose to keep to myself most of the time, and not tell and share with anyone else about myself unless I'm one hundred percent sure that they won't judge or try to change me cos of my flaws. That's why I always feel very uncomfortable with people who are too outspoken.
Because it's not me to suddenly burst in a thousand flames at the slightest, trivial incident or matter.
And I have too many flaws that I wanna hide from the world. I don't ever want others to know my weaknesses.
Now I'm wondering what brought all this on.
I guess I just wanted to be honest to myself, for one of the rarest times.
Because we all need a lot of reality in our lives, and I feel like I've been living over a shadow overhead for quite some time.
I need to be honest to myself and face up to my feelings. Be a man and admit my faults and failures.
I'm willing to embrace it all, and throw the past behind.
P.S.: First day of school was actually still okay. By that, I mean, it's not worse than last semester, which is a good thing. :)
I've known that about being a leader since I was young. But it just didn't feel so strong in me till now. I guess I haven't exactly given it much thought. I just took it for granted and accepted that I was a good leader. But now, after going through OBS and really experiencing how it feels like to be involved so intimately with others, planning for our expeditions and all, I've come to realize how important it is for us to be good leaders.
It's also made me much more aware of my own flaws. I can see myself much clearly now, and there are so many times when I really feel so useless because of those flaws. Yes, I'm proud and all that and about being 'Born This Way', but when trials and tribulations come, it's really a test of how strong you are. Not just physically, but mentally and psychologically too. Those flaws are parts of myself that I would very much like to change.
By flaws, I mean character and personality flaws, and not physical features flaws.
Like take for example. I know very well, since day 1, that I am a very indecisive leader.
I often let stronger leaders take over, and tend to be swayed very easily when I meet such situations where a stronger leader is in charge, though I have my own opinion and stand in my heart. I'm just afraid to say it out loud.
Another flaw - I'm hesitant.
I don't really take initiative, though I really know when I should and when I shouldn't. Often more than not, I always wait before taking action. This is really a huge flaw about myself that I'd like to change. But it's a seriously huge barrier that's blocking my way, and I can't remove it.
It's just made me think if I have any common sense in me. I mean, if I know I should do something, then why aren't I doing it?
One of the many many many things that questions my own character, though I'm positive that I was brought up the right way, in the right character.
I also admit that I'm very judgmental. Though I always tweet and say that we all shouldn't judge, and that I hate it when people judge, and that I don't like to judge, yes, I do judge. Most of the time, I judge people based on first impressions or based on my interactions with them. Which may not be right, I know, because I won't know the person well. But it's human nature to naturally jump to conclusions and to judge people based on what they think and what their view of the world is. I just have a stronger sense of judgement than others. I meant that in a bad way.
I hate that about me too.
I hate how I always do things I say I hate, but I still do it anyways. It's like I can't control how I feel and how I act around people.
I'm always assuming things and being too pessimistic all the time.
I know I get arrogant and proud sometimes too. Trust me, I know it as well as others do. That's the reason why everyone doesn't like me right? I'm concerned of how others see me. But I don't really care how I see people. That's really bad.
Well, this is a really huge confession.
All these flaws are one of the reasons why I choose to keep to myself most of the time, and not tell and share with anyone else about myself unless I'm one hundred percent sure that they won't judge or try to change me cos of my flaws. That's why I always feel very uncomfortable with people who are too outspoken.
Because it's not me to suddenly burst in a thousand flames at the slightest, trivial incident or matter.
And I have too many flaws that I wanna hide from the world. I don't ever want others to know my weaknesses.
Now I'm wondering what brought all this on.
I guess I just wanted to be honest to myself, for one of the rarest times.
Because we all need a lot of reality in our lives, and I feel like I've been living over a shadow overhead for quite some time.
I need to be honest to myself and face up to my feelings. Be a man and admit my faults and failures.
I'm willing to embrace it all, and throw the past behind.
P.S.: First day of school was actually still okay. By that, I mean, it's not worse than last semester, which is a good thing. :)
Sunday, June 26, 2011
484 - A Whole Post Dedicated To OBS.
Ohayo and aloha.
It's such a good day, and I finally found the time to actually sit down and fire up my laptop to blog about one of the best times in my life - Outward Bound Singapore.
The experience has been much fulfilling and enriching, and has been such an eye-opener for me that I can't wait to pen it down and extract it from my memory to my blog to keep me from forgetting these 5 days.
I still remember, on Monday, 20th June 2011.
All 12 of us Outward Bounders who were going for OBS were so sian on Monday. When we reached OBRC (Outward Bound Reception Centre), all the schools were like talking among their school mates, we totally weren't mixing around and getting to know people. This made me dread OBS a little, and it was like what, 10am on Monday morning, and OBS hadn't even started yet.
I went to OBS not knowing what to expect. Even when we boarded the ferry to Pulau Ubin, I was still having my doubts and hesitations.
When we did our round of introductions, everyone still kept to themselves, and no one was actually coming out to talk to anyone. And it was seriously awkward lah, I tell you.
Especially since Willy, our instructor, kept going in and out of the MPH, going to the Ops Room and coming back all the while. He left us alone most of the time, and we didn't know each other except for the people in our own schools. So the whole day passed by like that. Untouched and cold.
We did store checking, and took out our tents and ponchos and mess tins and everything else we needed for our expedition. Folded it all, brought it down and placed it near the Medical Centre, then got ready our helmets our harness for our belaying lesson.
Belaying is an extremely hard thing to do ok! And your friend's safety is in your hands... it's quite scary. Just one of the things you need to practice to perfect it.
After belaying, we went to cook our dinner - rice with baked beans and sardines and braised peanuts - and pitch our tents at the campsite.
That was about it for day one.
It was horrendously boring.
Then, during the flag lowering, my nose bled cos apparently I didn't drink enough water in the day. :/
Which made me dread the next 4 days more.
Then, on Tuesday, we woke up early in the morning to unpitch our tents and to have breakfast - bread with peanut butter/orange jam.
Orange jam tastes absolutely revolting btw. Don't eat it unless you have no choice.
So yeah, Willy passed us our journals, and we had to record our days' experiences and feelings in it for all of the 5 days, as a memory of what we've been through.
Willy took out his big box of markers and pens, and all of us drew our breath.
He had this really big box of awesome markers and pens, and we were all really surprised and shocked that he did. :)
K so after we wrote our reflections, we were brought down to the beach to learn the basics of kayaking. It was my first time touching a pedal and sitting in a kayak. It was fun, and a really cool experience.
We did our capsize drills (everyone was seriously dreading it), and we managed to stay intact after the drill.
After my turn, I went back to shore, after doing the see-saw for my kayak, and sat down near the shore. That's when it happened.
I GOT STINGED BY A FREAKING JELLYFISH! WTH, SERIOUSLY. SO SUAY TTM.
It seriously hurts manz. The stupid jellyfish's sting effectively pulled me out of the trying out of kayaking long distances. I didn't have my hand at channel-crossing, and I totally didn't understand what on earth it was when we were kayaking later.
Screw the jellyfish up down left right and center!
And to make things even better, I was the only suay person who got stinged by a freaking jellyfish. Thanks man. I mean fish. :/
After sitting on the shore for like an hour while everyone was out kayaking, with medicine sprayed on my hand, the bite healed a little and Willy gave the green light for me to go with everyone for the expedition - Thank God.
I really wouldn't want to sit out of the expedition.
At about 3 plus to 4, all of us launched out. I kayaked with Shereen. :)
We paddled like crazy from Pulau Ubin all the way to Pasir Ris Park. It was a heck of a crazy time, I can assure you. My arms were seriously 'sour' until cannot make it.
And I was starving. Like ravenously kind of starving.
We reached Pasir Ris Park late though, at about 6.30. By the time we cooked our dinner and washed up (I was in no mood to shower. If you looked at the condition of the toilet plus the long queue of girls waiting for their turn, you wouldn't either), it was already about 8.30. The instructors asked us to appoint our sea ex leaders for the next day, and asked us to clear up all our stuffs, pitch our tents and get prepared and everything, After the leaders were briefed, and we were briefed, it was already about 10. The instructors took a quick check at our campsite and started scolding us about the mess and litters and forced everyone to pick up every dirt and clean up all the mess.
This went on for about half an hour. And all of us were like cursing the instructors at that time, cos all of us were so damn freaking tired already, and we still were forced to stay out to pick rubbish. Seriously?!!!
But yeah. We had to do it anyways.
We ended up sleeping at a time near 11.30. And all of us still woke up in the night to do sentry duty. Boy, it was damn exhausting. I've never slept so well in any camps apart from this time.
The moment I hit my pillow, I fell asleep like a pig. It was really tiring, and you can't bother to exert energy to think about anything else anymore.
The next day, we woke up at like 5am to unpitch our tents and pack everything into our kayaks. Insanity yeah, but no choice, again.
This was day 3, and all of us were already dying to go home. It was a very long week.
We launched at 6.30, with morning blessings from everyone (instructors wished for storm for us, that was kinda idiotic), and managed to kayak all the way to our destination, Kekek Island, reaching at 12nn instead of the designated 3.30pm. That's insanity. Really showed how hard and fast we paddled. Like crazy manz.
The channel-crossing was absolutely horrible. That was excluding the crazy tidal waves and huge bum-boats and cargo ships so near us.
On the bright side, I saw the Police Coast Guard boat patrolling the seas. Awesome. :D
It was really an experience to be "near the sea but not get wet." Quoted from Yingqi.
Dead tired already when we reached Kekek. And smelly and dirty. But we got to do a quarry jump. Which was awesome. :)
We all jumped into the quarry and had a mini-shower and wash up. So awesome. I loved it.
Cooked our dinner, and went to our tents at 7pm. Yeah, we were that early. But we went back early also because it was starting to drizzle.
We hid from the rain in our tents, and stayed in there for the rest of the night. We didn't go out anymore. Apart from those doing sentry duty, that is. All of us bonded as a mobile, playing racist bombs and singing Forget You and The Lazy Song and all that. So much memories. Really good fun! ^^
Somemore we got scolded by the instructors for making too much noise and disturbing Camp 1 Charlie HAHA #fail but whatever. :P
We all gradually fell asleep. I slept at about 8? Cos I was seriously dead tired on my feet.
Our watch woke up at 3am to pack our kayaks and another mini bonding session. Ate our breakfast, and ran back to our tents when it started to rain. We were really afraid cos this rain seemed like a harder one, and there were lightning streaks in the sky. Instructors told us to stay in our tents till they told us it was ok for us to come out.
We all fell asleep again until about 6am, and I went over to John and Nickson's tent to talk to them. We were like all complaining about OBS because our tents were all flooded and dirty and horrible. We were talking about getting our OBS shirts asap and telling our juniors that it was "fun" so that they could go and get tortured.
Launched at about 9am, and all of us were seriously motivated to kayak on day 4. Especially my watch, after drinking the "love" (in chinese!) milo that Willy made us. It was damn awesome. It really gave me the strength for the day to paddle back all the way to base camp. When we reached, we all cheered like some mad chickens.
We were all happy like crap!
We all got muscles from kayaking liaoz. ^^
Then we unpacked our kayaks, washed our space-skirts, paddles and kayaks and brought our stuff back to the store. Really draining and tiring, again.
We still couldn't take a shower okay. We had to change into our long pants to do our height elements as the last part of our expedition. Wow torture I tell you. I partnered Yimian and climbed the log thingy. Didn't manage to get to the top though, cos there wasn't enough time. But I still felt proud of myself for going that far. I didn't even think I could get past the ladder. :)
After cooking our last dinner in OBS - seafood tanmen maggie mee plus baked beans and curry chicken (yum!), we headed off to take our showers. Oh yes babyyyy! Finally, a shower. I felt so much better I tell you. I went without shower for 2 straight days okay. Don't judge me. >:(
We did more reflections in our journals, and Willy shared more about himself with us, about his family and all. We talked about ghost stories, stories and all kinds of shit we could think of. :)
We still camwhored. Teehee.
Went to sleep at 12mn, after talking to Ruiqi and Athirah for about half an hour. Teehee. Bonded so much more with my Commonwealth mates too in OBS. :)
Day 5 - Sad to leave. Honestly. See how much I dreaded it on the first day. Time flew by like wind, it was already the last day. Willy did a closing for us, and told us to get a rock and write down a bad habit of ours on it. We then shouted it to the oceans and seas and threw it in. Throwing our bad habit away.
I wrote 'indecisive'. I accept that, and I embrace that. But I'm going to change that into something good. :)
I went last, throwing my rock into the seas. It was a really significant moment for me.
We went for lunch and I really threw my lunch down my throat cos I wanted to rush down to the Outward Bounders Store to get my shirt teehee. ^^
Here's lunch. I sat beside Pictionary hehe.
Then we listened to some talk about the PAssion card, and they told us that we were gonna get our own special PAssion cards with the OBS logo, all free of charge. HOW AWESOME IS THAT MANZ. :D -dances-
But after that, it was time to go home. :(
Our watch all said goodbye to each other.
From left, first row: Shereen, Tessa, me, Yimian.
From left, second row: Salina, Nikki, Ellysa, Gilda.
From left, third row: Khairil, Junjie, Daniel, Athirah, Alvin, Ruiqi, Jingwei, Nuruddin.
Washington is awesome. I love you guys. :)
We have so many inside jokes and lovely times together as a watch. I'll never forget all those times.
I miss calling Jingwei Dictionary, Alvin Pictionary, Nuruddin Nanyang Girl and Khairil Cat. Sighz.
I miss OBS.
I miss Camp 1 Bravo.
I miss Willy.
I miss everyone. :'(
Here are the photos of the Commonwealth Outward Bounders.
Goodbye OBS. I love you, and I'll never forget the times spent.
It's such a good day, and I finally found the time to actually sit down and fire up my laptop to blog about one of the best times in my life - Outward Bound Singapore.
The experience has been much fulfilling and enriching, and has been such an eye-opener for me that I can't wait to pen it down and extract it from my memory to my blog to keep me from forgetting these 5 days.
I still remember, on Monday, 20th June 2011.
All 12 of us Outward Bounders who were going for OBS were so sian on Monday. When we reached OBRC (Outward Bound Reception Centre), all the schools were like talking among their school mates, we totally weren't mixing around and getting to know people. This made me dread OBS a little, and it was like what, 10am on Monday morning, and OBS hadn't even started yet.
I went to OBS not knowing what to expect. Even when we boarded the ferry to Pulau Ubin, I was still having my doubts and hesitations.
When we did our round of introductions, everyone still kept to themselves, and no one was actually coming out to talk to anyone. And it was seriously awkward lah, I tell you.
Especially since Willy, our instructor, kept going in and out of the MPH, going to the Ops Room and coming back all the while. He left us alone most of the time, and we didn't know each other except for the people in our own schools. So the whole day passed by like that. Untouched and cold.
We did store checking, and took out our tents and ponchos and mess tins and everything else we needed for our expedition. Folded it all, brought it down and placed it near the Medical Centre, then got ready our helmets our harness for our belaying lesson.
Belaying is an extremely hard thing to do ok! And your friend's safety is in your hands... it's quite scary. Just one of the things you need to practice to perfect it.
After belaying, we went to cook our dinner - rice with baked beans and sardines and braised peanuts - and pitch our tents at the campsite.
That was about it for day one.
It was horrendously boring.
Then, during the flag lowering, my nose bled cos apparently I didn't drink enough water in the day. :/
Which made me dread the next 4 days more.
Then, on Tuesday, we woke up early in the morning to unpitch our tents and to have breakfast - bread with peanut butter/orange jam.
Orange jam tastes absolutely revolting btw. Don't eat it unless you have no choice.
So yeah, Willy passed us our journals, and we had to record our days' experiences and feelings in it for all of the 5 days, as a memory of what we've been through.
Willy took out his big box of markers and pens, and all of us drew our breath.
He had this really big box of awesome markers and pens, and we were all really surprised and shocked that he did. :)
K so after we wrote our reflections, we were brought down to the beach to learn the basics of kayaking. It was my first time touching a pedal and sitting in a kayak. It was fun, and a really cool experience.
We did our capsize drills (everyone was seriously dreading it), and we managed to stay intact after the drill.
After my turn, I went back to shore, after doing the see-saw for my kayak, and sat down near the shore. That's when it happened.
I GOT STINGED BY A FREAKING JELLYFISH! WTH, SERIOUSLY. SO SUAY TTM.
It seriously hurts manz. The stupid jellyfish's sting effectively pulled me out of the trying out of kayaking long distances. I didn't have my hand at channel-crossing, and I totally didn't understand what on earth it was when we were kayaking later.
Screw the jellyfish up down left right and center!
And to make things even better, I was the only suay person who got stinged by a freaking jellyfish. Thanks man. I mean fish. :/
After sitting on the shore for like an hour while everyone was out kayaking, with medicine sprayed on my hand, the bite healed a little and Willy gave the green light for me to go with everyone for the expedition - Thank God.
I really wouldn't want to sit out of the expedition.
At about 3 plus to 4, all of us launched out. I kayaked with Shereen. :)
We paddled like crazy from Pulau Ubin all the way to Pasir Ris Park. It was a heck of a crazy time, I can assure you. My arms were seriously 'sour' until cannot make it.
And I was starving. Like ravenously kind of starving.
We reached Pasir Ris Park late though, at about 6.30. By the time we cooked our dinner and washed up (I was in no mood to shower. If you looked at the condition of the toilet plus the long queue of girls waiting for their turn, you wouldn't either), it was already about 8.30. The instructors asked us to appoint our sea ex leaders for the next day, and asked us to clear up all our stuffs, pitch our tents and get prepared and everything, After the leaders were briefed, and we were briefed, it was already about 10. The instructors took a quick check at our campsite and started scolding us about the mess and litters and forced everyone to pick up every dirt and clean up all the mess.
This went on for about half an hour. And all of us were like cursing the instructors at that time, cos all of us were so damn freaking tired already, and we still were forced to stay out to pick rubbish. Seriously?!!!
But yeah. We had to do it anyways.
We ended up sleeping at a time near 11.30. And all of us still woke up in the night to do sentry duty. Boy, it was damn exhausting. I've never slept so well in any camps apart from this time.
The moment I hit my pillow, I fell asleep like a pig. It was really tiring, and you can't bother to exert energy to think about anything else anymore.
The next day, we woke up at like 5am to unpitch our tents and pack everything into our kayaks. Insanity yeah, but no choice, again.
This was day 3, and all of us were already dying to go home. It was a very long week.
We launched at 6.30, with morning blessings from everyone (instructors wished for storm for us, that was kinda idiotic), and managed to kayak all the way to our destination, Kekek Island, reaching at 12nn instead of the designated 3.30pm. That's insanity. Really showed how hard and fast we paddled. Like crazy manz.
The channel-crossing was absolutely horrible. That was excluding the crazy tidal waves and huge bum-boats and cargo ships so near us.
On the bright side, I saw the Police Coast Guard boat patrolling the seas. Awesome. :D
It was really an experience to be "near the sea but not get wet." Quoted from Yingqi.
Dead tired already when we reached Kekek. And smelly and dirty. But we got to do a quarry jump. Which was awesome. :)
We all jumped into the quarry and had a mini-shower and wash up. So awesome. I loved it.
Cooked our dinner, and went to our tents at 7pm. Yeah, we were that early. But we went back early also because it was starting to drizzle.
We hid from the rain in our tents, and stayed in there for the rest of the night. We didn't go out anymore. Apart from those doing sentry duty, that is. All of us bonded as a mobile, playing racist bombs and singing Forget You and The Lazy Song and all that. So much memories. Really good fun! ^^
Somemore we got scolded by the instructors for making too much noise and disturbing Camp 1 Charlie HAHA #fail but whatever. :P
We all gradually fell asleep. I slept at about 8? Cos I was seriously dead tired on my feet.
Our watch woke up at 3am to pack our kayaks and another mini bonding session. Ate our breakfast, and ran back to our tents when it started to rain. We were really afraid cos this rain seemed like a harder one, and there were lightning streaks in the sky. Instructors told us to stay in our tents till they told us it was ok for us to come out.
We all fell asleep again until about 6am, and I went over to John and Nickson's tent to talk to them. We were like all complaining about OBS because our tents were all flooded and dirty and horrible. We were talking about getting our OBS shirts asap and telling our juniors that it was "fun" so that they could go and get tortured.
Launched at about 9am, and all of us were seriously motivated to kayak on day 4. Especially my watch, after drinking the "love" (in chinese!) milo that Willy made us. It was damn awesome. It really gave me the strength for the day to paddle back all the way to base camp. When we reached, we all cheered like some mad chickens.
We were all happy like crap!
We all got muscles from kayaking liaoz. ^^
Then we unpacked our kayaks, washed our space-skirts, paddles and kayaks and brought our stuff back to the store. Really draining and tiring, again.
We still couldn't take a shower okay. We had to change into our long pants to do our height elements as the last part of our expedition. Wow torture I tell you. I partnered Yimian and climbed the log thingy. Didn't manage to get to the top though, cos there wasn't enough time. But I still felt proud of myself for going that far. I didn't even think I could get past the ladder. :)
After cooking our last dinner in OBS - seafood tanmen maggie mee plus baked beans and curry chicken (yum!), we headed off to take our showers. Oh yes babyyyy! Finally, a shower. I felt so much better I tell you. I went without shower for 2 straight days okay. Don't judge me. >:(
We did more reflections in our journals, and Willy shared more about himself with us, about his family and all. We talked about ghost stories, stories and all kinds of shit we could think of. :)
We still camwhored. Teehee.
Went to sleep at 12mn, after talking to Ruiqi and Athirah for about half an hour. Teehee. Bonded so much more with my Commonwealth mates too in OBS. :)
Day 5 - Sad to leave. Honestly. See how much I dreaded it on the first day. Time flew by like wind, it was already the last day. Willy did a closing for us, and told us to get a rock and write down a bad habit of ours on it. We then shouted it to the oceans and seas and threw it in. Throwing our bad habit away.
I wrote 'indecisive'. I accept that, and I embrace that. But I'm going to change that into something good. :)
I went last, throwing my rock into the seas. It was a really significant moment for me.
We went for lunch and I really threw my lunch down my throat cos I wanted to rush down to the Outward Bounders Store to get my shirt teehee. ^^
Here's lunch. I sat beside Pictionary hehe.
Then we listened to some talk about the PAssion card, and they told us that we were gonna get our own special PAssion cards with the OBS logo, all free of charge. HOW AWESOME IS THAT MANZ. :D -dances-
But after that, it was time to go home. :(
Our watch all said goodbye to each other.
From left, first row: Shereen, Tessa, me, Yimian.
From left, second row: Salina, Nikki, Ellysa, Gilda.
From left, third row: Khairil, Junjie, Daniel, Athirah, Alvin, Ruiqi, Jingwei, Nuruddin.
Washington is awesome. I love you guys. :)
We have so many inside jokes and lovely times together as a watch. I'll never forget all those times.
I miss calling Jingwei Dictionary, Alvin Pictionary, Nuruddin Nanyang Girl and Khairil Cat. Sighz.
I miss OBS.
I miss Camp 1 Bravo.
I miss Willy.
I miss everyone. :'(
Here are the photos of the Commonwealth Outward Bounders.
Goodbye OBS. I love you, and I'll never forget the times spent.
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